Lord of the Iron Hills

might I suggest voice lessons.

How to convince @glorfindelgoogles to come with you and kick @grimagoogles‘ arse

Wine usually works, not much mind you, since it'd be fun to kick his arse back to orthanc.

courting gifts for hobbits

Petunia just had piglets cousin.

Big talk from the smallest pipsqueak this side of River Running? Ye kiss yer mother with that mouth? If you weren’t dead I’d kill ye myself.

you are literally smaller than my thumbs

well yer overgrown gecko, how bout ye come a little closer to me sword, and we’ll see about how size matters

How to block @azoggoogles fron the internet

If this is not possible, how to put incriminating searches regarding the Necromancer in @azoggoogles’ search history

Should cut off @azoggoogles other arm then he canna type.

Big talk from the smallest pipsqueak this side of River Running? Ye kiss yer mother with that mouth? If you weren't dead I'd kill ye myself.

how to convince your brother the king to install bungee jumping cords in erebor

Zip lines, try for zip lines