if we hold on together

This is basically Oscar Is Impatient: The Chapter. 😂 Of course, this should surprise no one. She’s exactly that kind of person where she’s not going to try to prevent pregnancy, but then tries at every opportunity to get pregnant—and despairs when it doesn’t happen right away!

I do feel really bad for her, though, to be honest. She wants this more than she can articulate and is scared to hope—because ultimately, she does struggle with vulnerability, and what is hope but letting yourself be vulnerable?

She tells herself to chill and we know already that she’s not very good at that, but the effort matters. Getting pregnant can take a long time, and the cycle of extreme highs and lows is exhausting, so letting herself try to enjoy the process for what it is, at least for now, removes some of the pressure.

And while it’s true that the only person putting that pressure on her is her, it’s not as if she can help herself.

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Here's a cheval mirror, by the way (this one is French, from around 1790):

I don't have many notes for this chapter because, once again, it's pretty self-explanatory (and this is a rather short chapter to begin with, being just 6,688 words long).

I think Oscar is very much susceptible to the "I talked about this thing happening so much I convinced myself it would happen" sequence of events, so she is of course disappointed in a way that surprises her.

Ultimately, what I wanted to portray in this chapter is Oscar's...not mixed feelings, exactly, but that inner conflict. If she wants a child she does have to start trying Right Now (basically); she's had years to think about it, but never really let herself think about if she wanted it for her own sake because the timing was so bad she couldn't let herself imagine it.

While they're not in an ideal position to have children, that is mostly due to the length of André's employment; in many other respects, this is a great time and place to have children: they have the space and privacy, André is employed and has relatively easy work and will be home at night, and Oscar isn't busy. If they're going to do it, it is more or less a "now or never" sort of situation.

THAT SAID, having children is obviously a very permanent choice, and I wanted to give that the weight it deserves. The idea is nice, the concept is nice, but is the reality? Oscar at least knows it will not be easy and makes the effort in this chapter to consider whether it's really what she wants or just some romanticized fantasy that exists in her head.

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Newspaper articles will come up a lot in this story (as I'm sure you can imagine; they are OA's primary source of information), and one of the most important things to note about newspapers in this time period is that they did not have headlines in the modern sense. A "headline" is really just the "stand-out" text, often the first sentence. Newspaper articles were only separated by lines and while they did seek to catch attention/eyes with that first sentence, sometimes, there was often not much to separate one article from another, save a line.

Due to this, you kind of have to read everything to make sure you don't miss anything important!

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Now that a decision has been made, we will have to see how it turns out for our favorite characters. 🥺 Of course, I know the answer to that (I'm 530,000 words into the story, now), but you don't. 😆

So I'll see you again next week! 💕

HORSE CHAPTER!

This is for all my horse girls and guys. And all the sentimental readers, too, while I’m at it.

When am I not referencing Black Beauty (the book, but also the 1994 film, starring Docs Keepin’ Time, which is the only good film version ever made)? One of my favorite parts of the story is when Black Beauty is bought again at the end. In the film, it’s his former groom, Joe Green, that recognizes him and buys him—but in the book, it’s Farmer Thoroughgood and his grandson that buy him to “make him young again.” When he is healed, he is given to three ladies on a trial basis to see if they like him; his groom there is Joe Green, who recognizes him by his markings and thus he finds his happy ending.

Originally, Scarlet was not meant to be seen again, as she was a means to an end, primarily ensuring that André run into Mr. Campbell in London, but I had a stroke of genius on 18 January 2026 and decided to bring her back. This added another chapter to the story and forced me to adjust several later events, but now that the story is over 450,000 words long (from my end), I can say with complete certainty that I feel it was a wonderful choice.

I grappled with the idea of bringing Ebony back with her, but decided against it. This story is, ultimately, very self-indulgent, but I have to draw a line somewhere, and André running into both horses together just felt far too convenient, especially this many months later.

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They end up buying another fine carriage because they don’t really have a good backup for the main carriage if something happens to it, and Mr. Campbell usually opts for a closed carriage rather than an open one, because he dresses well and does not wish to get dirty/covered with dust.

Open carriages are nice for like, a lazy Sunday drive, but the Campbells don’t tend to indulge in such things, and when Mr. Campbell is going somewhere, it’s for the purpose of business.

A plain carriage for the staff to use would be nice, but it’s not really that necessary and it’s quite a bit more work for him without really benefitting Mr. Campbell. Jack and the pony-cart will typically suffice. And in an emergency, if someone needs to go for a doctor while André is out with the carriage, the special carriage can still be hooked up and used without a problem.

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Oscar does pretty well without André, but I think it helps that there’s nothing pressing happening at home—and that she can distract herself pretty easily with work. If either of those things were different, she would have struggled far more.

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Of course Oscar isn’t going to assume that this horse who looks like Scarlet is Scarlet, but when she finds out, she mirrors the goodbye she gave her when she left Canterbury, but this time as a hello. <3

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Oscar unpacking the cats means that she has accepted this place as home. I’m sure you all understood that, but just in case. <3

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Oscar finally gets to ride a horse and she looks beautiful doing it. 🥺

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