Your source for the best of cosmo sex tips.

As your partner enters you, yell ” TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS” and pass out 

once you’ve given him a boner, ask him “did I do that?” in urkel’s voice.

At the moment of climax, whisper in your partner’s ear “I did it for the vine”.

Wanna make him hard? Plaster him in cement.

note: this also works with skype dates

Wear a camouflage condom so that she’ll never see you coming.

when you are about to cum scream “I choose you! Use ejaculate!” and collapse with saying “super effective.”

During your first time trying anal play, gently massage him and make sure he’s comfortable and relaxed, then to really spice things up yell “I’M GONNA WRECK IT” and slam your whole fist up there

spice it up: put pepper spray in his lube

While giving him a blow job yell “Off with his head!” and bite off the tip of his penis. 

Before you’re about to give your partner a blowjob, tap the penis head and say “hello, is this thing on?”