Welcome Moon-And-Star

I am dead fucking serious. A serious car accident or a major illness is how a lot of the "working" homeless get that way. They played payment roulette with the wrong bills that subsequently snowballed while they were too sick to work/in the 'donut hole' of spend-down before you qualify for medicaid and lost everything.

I was happy it was there but not frankly paying much attention because I am self employed. So, like, I figured it wouldn't apply to me.

NOT SO! For $300 a YEAR I can buy in to the scheme that will give me 66% of my average weekly income if I get hurt, or if I have to take care of someone. Like for Pookie's top surgery. Or if one of the many aging boomers in my life need help. (People with actual employers have this all paid for by their employer. Like it's mandatory. But I am my employer, so I get to choose. And I am choosing to pay in because this is amazing.)

BUT WAIT!

It can also be for taking care of people I'm not related to, as long as I'm not charging them for care. A law that supports found family! Amazing! Anybody can take care of anybody they care about enough to do this for!!!

It also covers bonding time for new adoptions, bonding time for non-carrying parents, and, not helpful for me but amazing. you can also use it to safely get out of a domestic violence situation!

They did a good job on this one.

Simply put, it has become impossible for me to remain here in Bali. Not only financially, but in terms of my physical safety and survivial. Even though most people think of Bali as some idyllic “paradise”, for those who live here, reality is different, and my case is worse than most.

Back in June, a friend of mine from the UK sent me a care package of UK snacks. What was also in the care package was a THC vape pen: fine in the UK, but what my friend did not know is that this is super illegal in Indonesia. Even though I didn’t ask for or buy the pen, because it was sent to my address and my name, my home was raided. I, my father, and my driver were taken in for questioning. Due to administrative delays and a long weekend I spent 6 days in Polda Bali, the central police compound on the island, in the narcotics division. Living with no privacy on a small cot surrounded by police who would spend all day smoking while I was trying to quit nicotine, eating foods I could not stand, and watching TikTok on full volume. They would also regularly harass me, inappropriately probing into my private life, my relationships, demanding to know why I don’t have children, making insinuations about my sex, and displaying an absolute lack of regard for mental health. At one point it got so bad I suffered a psychotic break. I was eventually released but the ordeal has not only given me PTSD, but has brought up past trauma as well. Since then I’ve been constantly struggling just to stay alive.

My mental health is in full-blown crisis, but Indonesia has limited mental health services, and even those that exist often come with long wait times and high fees. My family and Indonesian society in general have a very tenuous grasp of mental health and will actively make my bipolar worse while also forcing me to mask and pretend to be coping which in turn exacerbates my state even more. Every day I am slipping further and further down the rabbit hole and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going.

On top of this, being Indonesia, my family had to pay some £10,000 to get me out out Polda Bali. Money I am now expected to pay back without any job or stable income. In truth, this debt isn’t about the money, rather it is being used by my father to keep me here in his house where I, and the rest of my family, have to suffer his narcissistic and psychopathic outbursts. Every day it seems to get worse as his mood becomes more erratic and he is more and more prone to sudden aggression, coercive control, and displays of violence. We all live in fear that one day soon he will kill one, if not all of us.

Compounding this, as many will have seen on social media, tensions in Indonesia are at breaking point and Bali is no exception. There are protests regularly and government buildings, including the police compound where I was held, are being targeted. While I have nothing to do with these protests and do not attend, we live very near to the military police HQ (Brimob) on the island and are afraid that martial law will soon be imposed. Worse yet, I am ethnically part Chinese-Indonesian. While this would not be significant information in the West, here in Indonesia the Chinese population are regularly targeted for racial violence. This is partly due to long standing inter-ethnic distrust, but moreso because in times of crisis the government will try to save themselves by driving the peoples’ anger towards ethnic minorities. And we are one of the most visible and most othered minorities in the country. Many of my Chinese friends around the country are living in fear that they could be targeted next.

Ultimately, I just cannot stay in Indonesia. Every day is already a struggle just to stay alive and to be blunt, I won’t survive an other year here. This envornment is not only toxic, it is going to kill me. I have tried to find a way out of this situation but there’s nothing here in Indonesia that I can do. It’s all dead ends. My only hope is to go to Europe, find work, and start to build up a life that I can actually live. The irony of course is that to find a job, you need to be in Europe, but to go to Europe you already need to have a job offer. Catch 22. So, my best chance is the Chancenkarte, a job seeking visa in Germany. Unfortunately in order to even qualify to apply, I need to have just over €13,000 show money to prove that I am a legitimate job seeker. Money which I do not currently have.

I have tried every resource and connection I have at my disposal to get out of this pit but nothing has worked and despite my skills and capacities, and dozens of wonderful people in Europe who would happily vouch for and help support me, my passport and myopic migration laws are holding me back. This is my last ditch effort to save myself. If I can raise enough money to apply for a job seeking visa, I can finally escape this nightmare I’ve being held in, move to a stable country, get the help I need, find work, pay off my family, and be free to live my own life.

Any help, no matter how little, is a step in the right direction for me. I am not expecting money for free; as a Social Anthropologist with an MA in Humanitarian and Environmental Crises from the UK, I have been offering editing, proofreading, and university-level academic coaching services for over four years. I am a hard worker and do not expect handouts. If you find yourself in need of my services, any donation above £100 will come with editing assistance for any 2500 word essay.

Simply put, it has become impossible for me to remain here in Bali. Not only financially, but in terms of my physical safety and survivial. Even though most people think of Bali as some idyllic “paradise”, for those who live here, reality is different, and my case is worse than most.

Back in June, a friend of mine from the UK sent me a care package of UK snacks. What was also in the care package was a THC vape pen: fine in the UK, but what my friend did not know is that this is super illegal in Indonesia. Even though I didn’t ask for or buy the pen, because it was sent to my address and my name, my home was raided. I, my father, and my driver were taken in for questioning. Due to administrative delays and a long weekend I spent 6 days in Polda Bali, the central police compound on the island, in the narcotics division. Living with no privacy on a small cot surrounded by police who would spend all day smoking while I was trying to quit nicotine, eating foods I could not stand, and watching TikTok on full volume. They would also regularly harass me, inappropriately probing into my private life, my relationships, demanding to know why I don’t have children, making insinuations about my sex, and displaying an absolute lack of regard for mental health. At one point it got so bad I suffered a psychotic break. I was eventually released but the ordeal has not only given me PTSD, but has brought up past trauma as well. Since then I’ve been constantly struggling just to stay alive.

My mental health is in full-blown crisis, but Indonesia has limited mental health services, and even those that exist often come with long wait times and high fees. My family and Indonesian society in general have a very tenuous grasp of mental health and will actively make my bipolar worse while also forcing me to mask and pretend to be coping which in turn exacerbates my state even more. Every day I am slipping further and further down the rabbit hole and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going.

On top of this, being Indonesia, my family had to pay some £10,000 to get me out out Polda Bali. Money I am now expected to pay back without any job or stable income. In truth, this debt isn’t about the money, rather it is being used by my father to keep me here in his house where I, and the rest of my family, have to suffer his narcissistic and psychopathic outbursts. Every day it seems to get worse as his mood becomes more erratic and he is more and more prone to sudden aggression, coercive control, and displays of violence. We all live in fear that one day soon he will kill one, if not all of us.

Compounding this, as many will have seen on social media, tensions in Indonesia are at breaking point and Bali is no exception. There are protests regularly and government buildings, including the police compound where I was held, are being targeted. While I have nothing to do with these protests and do not attend, we live very near to the military police HQ (Brimob) on the island and are afraid that martial law will soon be imposed. Worse yet, I am ethnically part Chinese-Indonesian. While this would not be significant information in the West, here in Indonesia the Chinese population are regularly targeted for racial violence. This is partly due to long standing inter-ethnic distrust, but moreso because in times of crisis the government will try to save themselves by driving the peoples’ anger towards ethnic minorities. And we are one of the most visible and most othered minorities in the country. Many of my Chinese friends around the country are living in fear that they could be targeted next.

Ultimately, I just cannot stay in Indonesia. Every day is already a struggle just to stay alive and to be blunt, I won’t survive an other year here. This envornment is not only toxic, it is going to kill me. I have tried to find a way out of this situation but there’s nothing here in Indonesia that I can do. It’s all dead ends. My only hope is to go to Europe, find work, and start to build up a life that I can actually live. The irony of course is that to find a job, you need to be in Europe, but to go to Europe you already need to have a job offer. Catch 22. So, my best chance is the Chancenkarte, a job seeking visa in Germany. Unfortunately in order to even qualify to apply, I need to have just over €13,000 show money to prove that I am a legitimate job seeker. Money which I do not currently have.

I have tried every resource and connection I have at my disposal to get out of this pit but nothing has worked and despite my skills and capacities, and dozens of wonderful people in Europe who would happily vouch for and help support me, my passport and myopic migration laws are holding me back. This is my last ditch effort to save myself. If I can raise enough money to apply for a job seeking visa, I can finally escape this nightmare I’ve being held in, move to a stable country, get the help I need, find work, pay off my family, and be free to live my own life.

Any help, no matter how little, is a step in the right direction for me. I am not expecting money for free; as a Social Anthropologist with an MA in Humanitarian and Environmental Crises from the UK, I have been offering editing, proofreading, and university-level academic coaching services for over four years. I am a hard worker and do not expect handouts. If you find yourself in need of my services, any donation above £100 will come with editing assistance for any 2500 word essay.

Simply put, it has become impossible for me to remain here in Bali. Not only financially, but in terms of my physical safety and survivial. Even though most people think of Bali as some idyllic “paradise”, for those who live here, reality is different, and my case is worse than most.

Back in June, a friend of mine from the UK sent me a care package of UK snacks. What was also in the care package was a THC vape pen: fine in the UK, but what my friend did not know is that this is super illegal in Indonesia. Even though I didn’t ask for or buy the pen, because it was sent to my address and my name, my home was raided. I, my father, and my driver were taken in for questioning. Due to administrative delays and a long weekend I spent 6 days in Polda Bali, the central police compound on the island, in the narcotics division. Living with no privacy on a small cot surrounded by police who would spend all day smoking while I was trying to quit nicotine, eating foods I could not stand, and watching TikTok on full volume. They would also regularly harass me, inappropriately probing into my private life, my relationships, demanding to know why I don’t have children, making insinuations about my sex, and displaying an absolute lack of regard for mental health. At one point it got so bad I suffered a psychotic break. I was eventually released but the ordeal has not only given me PTSD, but has brought up past trauma as well. Since then I’ve been constantly struggling just to stay alive.

My mental health is in full-blown crisis, but Indonesia has limited mental health services, and even those that exist often come with long wait times and high fees. My family and Indonesian society in general have a very tenuous grasp of mental health and will actively make my bipolar worse while also forcing me to mask and pretend to be coping which in turn exacerbates my state even more. Every day I am slipping further and further down the rabbit hole and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going.

On top of this, being Indonesia, my family had to pay some £10,000 to get me out out Polda Bali. Money I am now expected to pay back without any job or stable income. In truth, this debt isn’t about the money, rather it is being used by my father to keep me here in his house where I, and the rest of my family, have to suffer his narcissistic and psychopathic outbursts. Every day it seems to get worse as his mood becomes more erratic and he is more and more prone to sudden aggression, coercive control, and displays of violence. We all live in fear that one day soon he will kill one, if not all of us.

Compounding this, as many will have seen on social media, tensions in Indonesia are at breaking point and Bali is no exception. There are protests regularly and government buildings, including the police compound where I was held, are being targeted. While I have nothing to do with these protests and do not attend, we live very near to the military police HQ (Brimob) on the island and are afraid that martial law will soon be imposed. Worse yet, I am ethnically part Chinese-Indonesian. While this would not be significant information in the West, here in Indonesia the Chinese population are regularly targeted for racial violence. This is partly due to long standing inter-ethnic distrust, but moreso because in times of crisis the government will try to save themselves by driving the peoples’ anger towards ethnic minorities. And we are one of the most visible and most othered minorities in the country. Many of my Chinese friends around the country are living in fear that they could be targeted next.

Ultimately, I just cannot stay in Indonesia. Every day is already a struggle just to stay alive and to be blunt, I won’t survive an other year here. This envornment is not only toxic, it is going to kill me. I have tried to find a way out of this situation but there’s nothing here in Indonesia that I can do. It’s all dead ends. My only hope is to go to Europe, find work, and start to build up a life that I can actually live. The irony of course is that to find a job, you need to be in Europe, but to go to Europe you already need to have a job offer. Catch 22. So, my best chance is the Chancenkarte, a job seeking visa in Germany. Unfortunately in order to even qualify to apply, I need to have just over €13,000 show money to prove that I am a legitimate job seeker. Money which I do not currently have.

I have tried every resource and connection I have at my disposal to get out of this pit but nothing has worked and despite my skills and capacities, and dozens of wonderful people in Europe who would happily vouch for and help support me, my passport and myopic migration laws are holding me back. This is my last ditch effort to save myself. If I can raise enough money to apply for a job seeking visa, I can finally escape this nightmare I’ve being held in, move to a stable country, get the help I need, find work, pay off my family, and be free to live my own life.

Any help, no matter how little, is a step in the right direction for me. I am not expecting money for free; as a Social Anthropologist with an MA in Humanitarian and Environmental Crises from the UK, I have been offering editing, proofreading, and university-level academic coaching services for over four years. I am a hard worker and do not expect handouts. If you find yourself in need of my services, any donation above £100 will come with editing assistance for any 2500 word essay.

Donate or share or don't. If you know of ANY jobs in ANYWHERE in Europe that require a native English speaker and are willing to sponsor a foreign worker visa, please let me know. I'm not doing well. I'm tired of fighting for my life, my happiness, and my survival.