depository

Aar nghal

It's been just over a month since my father died, and we spent the holidays immediately following just holding onto each other, and trying to regain our footing.

I've done the paperwork needed in the immediate aftermath, but not pushed for the court to release the estate, just left the bureaucracy to its slow grind. There's his house to deal with as well, but i've let myself take time to catch my breath, and try to shake off the final couple of months and their rapid decline. Time to reload the image of him as he was before disappearing into delirius dementia.

Anyway. I've been picking up the chaotic experiences of the last months, turning them over, and placing them back down. Looking at them closely so i can let go of them, and not have those few months haunt me, and overwrite my memories of him. And i've been able to breathe. I've slowly managed to rest more, regained a bit of appetite (grieving is hungry work, as i remember from when my brother died), rested, looked around and realised that spring is here and rapidly turning to summer.

Could i have more than a few weeks without an active crisis unfolding, just for once?