I’ve decided to start a blog, A dairy, a Journal; whatever you want to call it. Now, Im not a writer. However, I’ve figured it would be a good way to be able to distress or just vent. Even just tell someone or something about my day. I’d also figured that it would be so much easier to spill my thoughts on paper but, I know I wouldn’t be able to keep up. Or someone would end up finding it. If someone, that I personally know ends up finding this. Don’t be a snitch. Keep it on the down low. Anyways, I guess today was the start of a new feeling. Not much of a new feeling as for, I have felt this before. Not in a long time though, Kind of just forgot I’d be able to feel it ever again. Not a positive feeling either. A negative one. One where I feel constantly that i’m about to fall off a chair as i’m leaning back. But for a couple minutes. I think it’s anxiety. The worst part is, it’s because of a boy. I have this theory.. I think I fall in love with every guy I date because most of the time it hurts so much to let go.. and it’s never a different feeling. Or maybe I haven’t fallen in love in my life but if I haven’t then why does it hurt so much to let go? As I discovered today’s feeling, I have discovered self control. I just need to practice it more. I repeated to myself constantly “i’m in control of my feelings” until I understood it and felt myself worrying less. Don’t get me wrong, it takes SO MUCH for someone to be able to understand it and preach it. I think my heart is broken. I think it was broken since the first time my mom yelled at me while being intoxicated. But now that I think about it, I don’t even think I can remember that moment. I worked out a minute ago and brushed my teeth and washed my face, that seemed to work quite a lot. I feel so much better. Here’s to many more new days and to what they bring. But for now I will call it a night finally after a bad day of repeating to myself “Today is almost over, Today is almost over, Today is almost over.” Goodnight.
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