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One day when you're with the person you love, you step back and realize all the hardships you have endured through this journey we call love. You think back to all the fights and restless nights, the stress and the agony of being separated even if it's just for a night. You realized that no matter what you have both endured you still managed to make it out on top. Even if you are a little scratched and torn up, you realize no matter what shape or form you end up as or emotional stability you are able to keep this person has always been by you. You realized you had spent late nights talking to them on the phone and texting them until you both fall asleep that all meant something. Something you couldn't find in anyone else. No one understood you like you thought was possible but they did. No one ever gave you this much love and affection like they have and actually meant it. For once you are truly happy but it seems so good to be true. The anxiety of another person loving is the very idea that makes you want to runaway but you can't. You are stuck in a traction of something you don't understand but you like it. The chances you will take for this person are so unrealistic you question yourself daily, you contemplate if you have really lost it or are you just passionate. The very idea of love makes you sick to your stomach but they haven't made you throw up like the rest. You have quit on them. You never turned away. You loved them from day one and you realized you're going to be okay.

"You are brave." No I'm not I'm stupid, stupid to ever think I could achieve happiness with another human being, stupid to think that anyone else could possibly like me. Why do I do this to myself, when I know what the results will be? I know what the pain feels like and I go through it every time. I know I don't like the pain, but something inside me tells me to go for it every time. I'm foolish. Naive. Dumb. Knowing there's nothing out there for me but sadness. "You'll find someone who will realize you're broken and fix you." This only makes me cry more because I have heard it all before. Depression. That's all I feel it's an immediate response that's there to catch me when I'm in despair. I'm starting to feel like it's my only friend, the one to rebound me when I fall. It's sickening how I find it comforting, it becomes a part of me. It is a part of me. Instead of having another human complete the other half of me depression resolves that, it understands me and doesn't leave me, it do does not judge me for my looks or questions my actions, rather it encourages it. "It gets better!" At once I believed it to be true, I use to truly believe I was happy and free from it all, until reality shook me by the shoulders and slapped me across the face. I have come to realize in these past 17 years that if I end up being someone I'm not won't make me happy, not even the affection of another human being. My depression is what keeps me sane and I can't forget that love will always bring me pain.

Robin Williams

I'm glad others can find happiness, but not me.

When you're stuffed but then they bring out the pies. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!🍰🦃ThanksGiving2015 #LetsGetFat

💯 (at Hambone's Bar & Grill Huntington Beach)

Current Mood

I am not a stalker.

Marshmallow 😊😊😘😘🐯🐯

Maddie Martinez

The streets of #London

That moment when you become an 80s TV Cast #nofilter #saturdaylunch (at Stacked)

Every mess invested was a score, we couldn't use computers anymore. #WeekendWars