☽ 090198 ☾

Ducks walking on a cold glass roof

Recommending things to people - books, movies, kdramas, music - unless they come and ask me on their own. I can get too passionate about these things because I want them to feel all the joy and strength and whatever else I felt but to people it may seem like pushy or annoying. And honestly, I’m just doing it for them anyway and if they won’t appreciate it I can let my favourite things be mine in my own universe rather than extending them to people who don’t care. And they don’t have to care either. 

Telling people I love them when I don’t even know them. Because that’s not love but something very momentarily and passing. Aren’t you tired of telling people you love them just because they tell you they do? Or because you have been having all these conversations that mean so much to you that you think this must be love? Love runs nowhere. So you can take your time in getting to really know a person and even take years to tell that to them. Oh, and can I let you in on a secret? You can enjoy a person’s company, care about them and like them but you don’t have to love them. You really don’t have to. Even if you’ve known them for 6 years. 

Talking to people about the time I was sexually abused as a teenager. I know lately, it’s been this sort of an emotional test. If I feel a certain way about them I feel like if I can share this with them then I will feel closer to them. But that’s twisted. It only leaves you feeling sad and weak and broken. Often these people don’t know what to say or do and I guess sometimes you hope they do because even you don’t know yet. Maybe one day you will write the truth. And either perform it as spoken word or publish it for the world to see. This isn’t silencing yourself. Oh not in the least. But it’s just protecting your sanity and strength. 

Letting people manipulate you using “mental health” as an excuse for their shitty behaviour. If the narrative is always about them - I don’t feel good, I wasn’t in the right space, I feel hurt, I need this from you, I don’t like this - and never about you then no matter how sweetly they talk or how many birthdays you’ve spent together - they are undeniably selfish people whose narcissism will get the better of them at some point and you don’t need to stick around to let it get the better of you too. People can be master manipulators without even knowing it sometimes.