Sinful Saint 🫀

Current time, Autumn 2026 (wooooo future /j)

The old lights of the diner flickered against the pouring rain, sending an illuminated shadow over the side of my car as I set it in park in the dingy parking lot which was littered with faded parking paint and potholes. I stepped out onto the damp pavement, shutting the door of my ford 2010 explorer with a small slam to make sure it stayed shut. My eyes felt heavy with exhaustion, I can’t exactly remember how long it’s been since I had last had a proper night's rest, currently as we speak i’m running off of a two hour nap I took this morning. I tugged the hood of my jacket up so I would shield my head and face from the cool droplets of rain, the patter of water against fabric was irking, I'm not entirely sure why it just is. 

Pushing the door of the diner open, the bell upon the door rang to alert employees of my arrival, even if it wasn’t that important. I’m just another face out of many voices. Most tables were occupied, multiple types of people in an old place like this somewhat refreshing to see that this place hasn’t died out. Families of four or three eating dinner, couples on dates to get to know each other or just a relaxing break from fancyness, even the solo at the bar getting food before a long drive. I approached the bar myself since the tall stools are always preferred in my opinion, they just made me feel tall and I liked it, not that I’d admit it outloud to anyone. The smell of diner food and fresh brewed coffee drifted to my nose as the waitress walked up to the counter to greet me and pass me a menu so I could decide what I wanted, making sure to direct my attention to the whiteboard that displayed the desserts they had available from of range to ice cream, apple pie, brownies and pumpkin bread, which seemed to be their best seller.

I don’t care much for pumpkin bread.

Current Time..  Autumn 2011 

What a time to be alive, the wonderfully lush green leaves faded into beautiful colors of the season changing through a rich palette of vibrant oranges, yellows and reds that contrasted wonderfully with the beautiful light brown leaves that were like the top layer of a set of freshly cooled brownies. The sun hung low like the golden pendulum that swings slowly back and forth inside the class casing of an older grandfather clock, the vibrant rays of light flushing the sky with beauty as it slowly set upon the horizon. 

The wind felt chilly as the fog misted up the paved streets running across the small roads of {REDACATED} Illinois. I swore I could see my own breath, it wasn’t anything new but it was still fun. Excitedly, I rushed over to my father as he got out of his car after freshly returning home from work after a morning shift at the hospital. He was so cool! Someday I wish to be just like him, I really want to be a doctor so I can help people. 

The leaves crushed below my sneakers as I rushed across the lawn, wrapping my arms around my father. “Hey there sapling” his voice was kinda tired but he’s always tired, he’s a doctor after all! Momma always says that doctors get really tired after long long work times or whatever it was she said. Father always called me sapling because I love trees, they were all just so pretty! Especially in fall where they turn into pretty bright colors! “Hi papa!” I chirped happily as he shut the driver’s door of the car behind him, pressing the lock button on his keys that made it make a funky beep noise I always found funny. 

“Momma made pumpkin bread!” I tugged on his sleeve as he pushed open the door to the house. 

“Did she now?” a smile was brought upon his tired features as he slid off his dress shoes at the door and set them on the shoe rack we had by the door. I don’t get why our shoes need cabinets when we have the closet! It’s not that full! 

I watched as my father hung up his coat and set his work purse (briefcase) on the dining table before walking over to my mother and pressing a kiss on her cheek, gross! I don’t wanna see that it’s so nasty! 

“Our sapling says you made some pumpkin bread, Clair” his voice was calm as always. It was like watching the river in the local park smooth out after the chilly winds of fall slowed down to a still. The smell of pumpkin bread wafted in my direction which had me by the counter, practically drooling in anticipation for the delicious baked good my mother made. 

“I did, it’s your favorite and you’ve had such a long day at work Calvin, I just figured I’d made something for you” her voice was light but something didn’t seem right, it’s kinda like when I play on the Ipad when i’m not supposed to and i’m trying to say it in a way without giving it away fully. My father didn’t seem to notice that so I ignored it as my mother cut the bread into portions. I didn’t even wait before snagging two pieces of bread from the table after she finished cutting up the delicious bread, it was like heaven baked into a fluffy delight. I loved pumpkin bread just as much as my father did, his eyes danced with amusement as he and mother both watched me shove a whole piece into my mouth.

“Evelyn honey, don’t eat it all at once I don’t want you to choke” my mother chided gently as a look of concern sketched upon her features. Her eyebrows furrowed together as her eyes trained on me as I looked up at her.

“I won't! Momma!" I spoke between big chews of pumpkin bread earning a disapproving but mildly amused huff of air from my mother as low laughter made its way out of my father’s throat. I swallowed the piece of bread thickly as my mother pushed over a warm cup of hot cocoa towards me, the smell of milk and chocolate making its way to my nose.eagerly i grasp the warm mug and took a gulp to brush away the pumpkin bread, coughing slightly as it burnt my throat in a pleasant way. 

My father reached his handout and ruffled my hair a bit as his warm, tired eyes focused entirely on me like I was his everything, I know I'm only half of his everything, momma is his other half and I’m happy it’s that way. His hand moved away from the dark strands of my head before grabbing his own piece of bread. 

“It’s getting close to bedtime honey, why don’t you go get in bed okay? I gotta talk to your father about something” my mother crouched down slightly, brushing a hand against my cheek to brush away some unkept hair strands that seemed to cling to my face like it was velcro. I didn’t really want to go to bed yet, it was only 7:40! But I had to because momma and papa had to talk about something important. I wanna know what is really bad, but I'll figure it out later. They always tell me! So, I gave my mother a small nod, finishing up my second piece of pumpkin bread and downing the rest of the hot chocolate before heading off to my room to put on my favorite green pajamas, kids at school keep saying green is a “boys’ color but I don’t think I gotta be a boy to like green,. My room wasn’t too big but I didn't need much. I just needed my favorite blanket and stuffed rabbit who is called “bitty”. I climbed into bed as I flicked on the small TV my parents let me have in my room so I could watch a few cartoons before bedtime. 

Bitty was held against my chest as my eyes trained on the TV, flickering colors of the smurfs played. I think I'm a little big for this show but I still enjoyed watching it. It was kinda old though, like grandma. The little blue critters spoke on the screen, over the sound of the cheerful voices of old TV show shenanigans I could hear momma and papa’s voices, they were loud.. They’ve never been this loud before.. What if something was wrong? Are they okay?

Slowly I got up from the comfort of my bed, blanket around my shoulders and Bitty in my arms as I crept over to the door to push it open just enough to see outside. Papa looked upset, mad even.. I’ve never seen him mad before.. Momma on the other hand looked kinda guilty and sad, her eyes were watering as she stood in front of papa with her arms folded over her chest as my father wildly threw his arms up in the air.

“Are you fucking serious Clair?! You slept with another god damn man?!” papa sounded really mad, I don’t understand why thought what’s so wrong about having a sleepover with a boy? Isn’t it the same as having a sleepover with another girl? I shouldn’t ask for a sleepover with any of my boy friends then if papa gets this mad over one with my mother having a sleepover with a boy. 

“I know, I know Calvin and it was a horrible thing for me to do. I can’t make any excuses for my actions, It’s fully justified why you’re upset. I am your wife and I have ruined your trust in me.” My mother said between sniffles as she shook her head. Momma looked pretty upset as well. She was crying even though it wasn't full of wailing like I did when I was a baby, she said I cried a lot about anything. 

“Jesus.. Damn it Clair! It’s not that fucking simple you know that!”

“I know Calvin, be as mad as you want.. I’ll even sleep on the couch or get a hotel room for a bit if that’s what you wish.”

“Clair just!- fuck.. Clair..” 

My father ran his hands over his tired face, fingers brushing through the dark strands of his own hair like they had been doing with mine not too long ago. It was scary seeing momma and papa fight.. I don’t like it at all, I wish it would just stop so they could be all happy again. 

“I fucked up Calvin.. I’m a piece of shit of an excuse to call your wife” 

“Clair.. I’ll just sleep on the couch, and we can talk about this in the morning alright?”

“You’re not mad..?”

“Of course I'm mad! I’m pissed! Disappointed even! But… you’re still my wife even if you did go behind my back like a skank, I still want to work things out with you.. But not tonight.” 

Both of my parents were quiet for what seemed like hours, it was torture to listen to them fight but I was happy they weren’t yelling anymore. I watched as my mother nodded, my father pushing some hair behind her ear before walking over to the couch to sit down. My mother’s gaze lingered upon him for a little bit before her quiet footsteps quickly went off to the bedroom, the door shutting with a slow click. I shut my door quietly so my father wouldn’t notice I was awake, I climbed under the covers of my bed and pulled my blankets up high to cover me like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Hugging Bitty against my chest I whisper to the plush rabbit. 

“Tomorrow will be better, I promise..”