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@d-and-i-curation
âmenâs bodies arenât policed to the extent womenâs bodies areâ i hate to tell u this bestie but there are some men whose bodies are policed even more than some womenâs. and iâm actually not just talking abt trans men, bc may i remind u that black menâs bodies are quite literally policed by actual police from an extremely young age, and too often that policing lands them in prison just for existing or just straight up kills them.
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[Image description: A tweet from John Rogers )@jonrog1): Whenever I try to get people to understand where they *actually are in the class war, the reminder that "you are *always* three very bad months away from being homeless, but *never* three very good months away from being a millionaire", can be clarifying. Description ends]
I think tumblr in particular, and progressive spaces in general, have overadopted the idea that being a member of a marginalized group means that you a) understand all of their issues and b) wonât have that particular bigotry. I have met misogynistic women. Antiblack black people. Psychotic people who specifically hate other psychotic people. As this is tumblr, I presume people are fairly familiar with how transmedicalist trans men went viciously after other trans men.
I refuse to call this internalized because though they do apply it to themselves sometimes, a lot of the time itâs about not being like âthoseâ people. Once the bigotry is something youâre hurting other people with, itâs no longer just internal- itâs a weapon youâre wielding against others.
I think that âAll people in the oppressing group are automatically socialized into bigotry and need to confront that.â was a good step. I think the next step needs to be âWe all are socialized in the same society to the same bigotries. Being a member of a marginalized group just means that you are more likely to do the work to unlearn bigotry against you.â
Yes, go ahead.
We all are socialized in the same society to the same bigotries. Being a member of a marginalized group just means that you are more likely to do the work to unlearn bigotry against you.
As an add-on, youâre also more likely to have easy access to evidence to counter that bigotry. If you are a woman, then you have your internal experiences to look at against the prevailing misogynistic stereotyping. If youâre black, you know your own internal experiences and can contrast them readily against the stereotypes held of your race.
And not only can you use your internal experiences, but youâre also more likely to have in-depth access to other members of the same marginalized group with whom to compare experiences.
Itâs not foolproof, obviously. But it does make doing the work to unlearn the bigotry that society tries to teach you easier, when you have those tools readily at your disposal without having to ALSO do the work of seeking out people who are willing to share their perspectives and describe their internal experiences to you, despite perhaps not readily trusting you because you belong to the same demographics as their oppressors.
[image: comment from theerraticace that says Is it okay to reblog this? /end id]
I find it funny how often people on this website complain about someone misusing the word trigger, only to turn around and misuse it in an entirely different way by claiming that triggers only cause PTSD flashbacks.
Walking up some steep stairs left your joints aching and pained? Arthritis trigger.
An offhand and joking comment from a friend left you terrified that they can read your mind? Psychosis trigger.
An interruption to your routine left you floundering and unable to continue your day? Autism trigger.
Your coworker's new perfume left your head swimming and pounding and now you feel like you might throw up? Migraine trigger.
Odd snow animations in your favorite video game caused you to have a seizure? Epilepsy trigger.
A sudden bout of stress in your life left your body screaming in pain and exhaustion? Fibromyalgia trigger.
The sound of a door slamming left you frozen and silent out of fear of being noticed? PTSD trigger.
Triggers are incredible varied and come in countless forms and can affect countless things. They aren't just about flashbacks and I would even go so far as to argue that actual flashbacks are probably one of the least common results of a trigger.
queer is a gender, sexuality, romantic orientation, political alignment, and mission statement, babey
queer is literally a slur that means weird and strange
and I most certainly am weird and strange, what else you got?
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"But that happens to everybody" isn't as strong an argument against chronic illnesses as people who disagree with chronic illnesses thinks it is. There's a surprisingly limited amount of things that the human body can do when it's malfunctioning. Nobody's bones are spontaneously turning to oak and sprouting branches.
Everyone gets exhausted sometimes, and that doesn't mean that chronic fatigue doesn't exist. Everyone feels down sometimes, but that doesn't mean depression isn't real. No-one functions flawlessly every minute of every day, it's only when this specific thing is so constant that it's debilitating, there's a diagnosis for it.
Like yes, everyone forgets things or has a hard time focusing on something unappealing sometimes, but that doesn't mean that ADHD isn't real or that living with a chronic "oh shit where's my stuff"-syndrome can't severely hinder your life.
nearly all the disabilities and âproblem behaviorsâ that come with autism are simply ordinary regular human stress responses. the reason i experience them so much as an autistic is that iâm stressed out way more than allistics are. allistics get overloaded too, and when they do, they do a lot of the same things autistics do. itâs just that allistics generally need something like airport delays or a colicky baby to reach the level of overload i hit when whereâs a flickery fluorescent light in my peripheral vision.
this commonality of experience is an opportunity to understand us, not an excuse to dismiss us. take the opportunity, folks.
Two nights ago I was at a house party, and someone asked me if I was vegetarian. I said no, and that Iâve tried not eating meat in the past. Itâs worsened my health conditions and made me feel sick or faint. The person I was initially talking to was very understanding âeveryoneâs body is differentâ she said.
But then a different person swiveled into the conversation: they were a vegan. And he started going on about different ways I could make the step to not eating meat- he even started suggesting that I become vegan (which Iâve also been vegan before when I was on an elimination diet, and I was sickly and miserable the entire time. I was underweight the entire fucking time).
I kept explaining that Iâve tried being vegetarian and vegan and it hasnât worked out well for me. Over and over he would butt in by saying âWell, most nutritionists say that you can achieve that kind of diet if you get enough legumes and proteinsâ and on and on. Nothing I said would get this guy to listen to me at all, until I interrupted him and said:
âAre you able-bodied?â
âWhat? What- what does that mean?â he said, stunned.
âAre you disabled?â I prompted. I was done.
âNo, I donât see what you mean, how is that relevantâŚâ he said, trailing off.
The woman I had been talking to earlier said âThey mean that you donât get it, that you canât understand because youâre not disabled.â
âOh.â was all he said, and the conversation ended.Â
Iâm so tired of people trying to control my diet, trying to convince me to do things that I canât afford and canât maintain because of my health and my socioeconomic status.Â
I think itâs really important for people who have different diets to hear this because this is not a one time occurrence. I am regularly pressured into changing my meat intake, my dairy intake, my sugar intake etc. etc. by people who have no idea how many issues I have with food. Itâs hard enough for me to eat in the first place, donât pressure me into reducing my diet- I am already underweight and constantly nauseous and sick. People who suffer from disabilities and chronic illnesses donât need your input unless you are their doctor.
I donât know how else to tell yâall that the difference between âX is a social constructâ and âX isnât realâ is very, very, very, very important!
Money is a social construct. Laws are a social construct. Prison is a social construct. All are very real, as you will find out if you ever rob a bank.
What âX is a social constructâ means: this concept is something created and reinforced by our society, and therefore it isnât necessarily a fundamental or natural truth of existence, and we should be able to modify, expand, or eliminate said construct if it does harm or doesnât accurately represent or help the people living in said society.
What âX is a social constructâ doesnât mean: we made this thing up so it is totally meaningless and has absolutely no consequences.
You are always, without exception, allowed to critically evaluate the information presented to you and make up your own mind about it. This is baseline human dignity; to deny it is abusive. Resist anyone, even the loudest and most influential voices, who tells you that allyship requires subordinating your own capacity for critical thought. You do not owe anyone that.
âMen get to be mediocre and shouldnât be allowed to beâ
You should have been allowed to be mediocre, too. Donât impose horrific standards on everyone just because they were imposed on you.
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You know maybe amatonormativity exists but it's hard to say that when I'm 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ish
what's amatonormativity?
A Tumblr-based sociological theory that boils down to "compulsory alloromanticism" but I've also seen it defined to include monogamy as another expectation under the header of amatonormativity
Amatonormativity is not tumblr based- it was not created on tumblr nor was it popularised on tumblr. Amatonormativity was not even coined by asexual people or with asexual people in mind exclusively.Â
Amantonormativity was coined by feminist academic Elizabeth Brake in her book âMinimising Marriageâ to refer to:
the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types. (Source)
Amatornormativity doesnât just affect asexual and aromantic people. Whilst itâs often asexual and aromantic people you see talking about amatonormativity (because we become hyper aware of it due to how it affects us), it actually impacts the lives of people of all orientations, including LGBT+ people.
Amatonormativity in practice isâŚ
The assumption that all single people are unhappy with their status and looking not to be single.
âComing of ageâ milestones often revolving around romantic accomplishments (first kiss, first crush, first love, marriage, etc).
Non romantic partnerships (sexual or platonic) being looked down upon.
A sort of relationship hierarchy where marriage is at the top and everything else falls somewhere below it.
The expectation for romantic partners to be more important than jobs, hobbies or other commitments in a personâs life. And the belief that people who choose to pursue the former are selfish.
People who are not seeking exclusive romantic relationships being seen as less mature, stable, trustworthy or settled.
The structuring of laws and society on the basis that eventually everyone will be in a committed romantic partnership (marriage).
The toxic idea of a âfriendzoneâ (which of course, overlaps with misogyny), where friendship with a woman is seen as âsecond prizeâ to a relationship with her.
People settling for someone theyâre not really happy with or compatible with just to fulfil the desire or expectation to have a partner.
Non-aromantic asexual people trying to normalise their orientation by saying they can still âfall in loveâ or âhave relationshipsâ âjust like anyone elseâ.
Asexual people or people who donât feel attraction to anyone feeling pressured to seek out and enter into relationships.
And much moreâŚ
Violations of amatonormativity would include dining alone by choice, putting friendship above romance, bringing a friend to a formal event or attending alone, cohabiting with friends, or not searching for romance. (Source)
Also the way turning down a request for a date, while single, is often viewed as some sort of terrible insult instead of an analysis of poor compatibility.
Also the idea that itâs wrong to break up with someone unless theyâve done something objectively terrible enough to âdeserve itâ rather than because the relationship isnât doing anything for you.
It also encourages people to stay in abusive relationships because it pushes being in a relationship is the highest priority/being alone is terrible.
Also....
âI'm 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ishâ
Yes.
Yes, they were.
They were encouraged to seek out heterosexual relationships.
You canât uncouple Amantonormativity from Heteronormativity. One is built into the other. Heteronormativity means there is one right way to have a life, and that way is being straight, is falling in love, being monogamous, is complying to certain standards of beauty, itâs being white and thin and abled.Â
ALL of those things go into the ideal norm that is oppressing ALL OF US. It doesnât matter in WHICH way you stray from the heteronormative ideal --- if youâre polyamorous or if youâre gay or if you donât fall in love or you love while disabled. ANY WAY you stray from it is punished.Â
Amatonormativity is not just âyou must fall in love.â Itâs âYou must fall in love in the right way with the right person.â
So yes, amatonormativity is absolutely linked to heteronormativity.
And, as ace-and-ranty hinted, it is also linked to the supremacy of monogamy. Amatonormativity also excludes all forms of polyamory.
It also has something to do with why gays successfully got gay marriage before they got, say, âfederal protection from discrimination in adoption casesâ or âthe right to be gender nonconforming in public schoolâ. People who think itâs weird to see a man in a dress can still wrap their head around âhe wants to marry the man he lovesâ because all you did was swap the expected pronouns.
Amatonormativity does pressure people into heteronormative relationships, but it also exists within the gay community and allies, to place a monogamous marriage to a same-sex partner above, say, a polyamorous polycule, or an asexual living with a queerplatonic friend.
[Image description:  2 men are standing amongst other people in what seems like an LGBT+ Pride event. The gentleman on the left, who looks like he is in his 60s and has gray hair and a beard, is holding a large Pride rainbow flag with a white Jewish Star in the center. The gentleman on the right is holding a slightly smaller, but still rather large, rainbow sign that reads â#AllahLovesEquality.â A red, half-moon symbol and a black Arabic city-scape are also printed on the sign. ]
âAnd that quote, âThe only disability in life is a bad attitude,â the reason that thatâs bullshit is because itâs just not true.â - Stella Young
[IDs: Screenshots from the late, great, Stella Youngâs TED Talk: Iâm Not Your Inspiration, Thank You Very Much. Stella is a wheelchair-user sitting up on the stage in front of a massive crowd. In these screenshots, sheâs saying, âNo amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp. Never. (Laughter. Applause.) Smiling at a television screen isnât going to make closed captions appear for people. No amount of standing in the middle of a bookshop and radiating a positive attitude is going to turn all those books into braille.]
I use this speech and the underlying theories a lot in my PhD, but Stella Young honestly had one of those voices that needs to be heard by everyone, so I figured Iâd post my favorite part of the speech here. If anyone remembers that time I threw myself onto the floor For The Vine, youâll know that I also hate the quote:Â âThe only disability in life is a bad attitudeâ. Stella just conveyed the message with less pain.
Link to Stella Youngâs TED Talk | Link to the transcript
Not mine, but passing along. Another contradiction to be mindful of is that while you can use your âwhitenessâ to protect others, you have to recognize that whiteness is a construct that canât continue to exist. Thatâs the priviledge/power that you give up, and because of that itâs important to reconnect with your ancestral roots (and learn its history). Make connections in diaspora, think about what diaspora means to you, and reclaim your identity distinct from capitalism/american nationalism.
Because this is important and also hard to read, hereâs a transcription:
The image is a series of concentric rings, each containing two paired statements that contradict each other. The rings are formed from arrows pointing from one statement to its pair, and vice-versa. The whole infographic is labeled, âcontradictions for white people in racial justice work.â
In the first ring, statement A says: âWhite people are a particular liability in racial justice movements.â Statement B says: âWhite people have specific and critical roles to play in racial justice movements.â
In the second ring, statement A says: âIt can feel humiliating to have not participated meaningfully in racial justice work before now, and suddenly want to join.â Statement B says: âIn order to grow stronger and win, the movement requires new people to join.â
In the third ring, statement A says: âWhen youâre working on ending an oppression that you benefit from, people will rightfully mistrust you and be hard on you.â Statement B says: When youâre working on ending racism, itâs good to be nice to yourself and patient with yourself.â
In the fourth ring, statement A says: âWhite activists need to listen to, defer to, and take leadership from POC.â Statement B says: âBecause âPOCâ is not a monolithic identity that all believes one thing, white activists need to cultivate their own analysis and judgment over time.â
In the fifth ring, statement A says: âOne specific role for white people is being tough about holding one another accountable.â Statement B says:â Another key role for white people is extending compassion, care and patience to other white people.â
In the sixth and innermost ring, statement A says: Racial justice work involves white people giving up or giving away their power.â Statement B says: âAnother part of racial justice work is white people strategically using their power rather than hiding it, denying it or pretending it doesnât exist.â
Having low empathy does not make you:
a bad person
abusive
unlovable
unable to love
unable to feel emotions such happiness, sadness, worry
a monster
unable to differentiate right from wrong
Low empathy does not make anyone less of a person or less deserving of respect. Iâm so done with the stigma. You do not need empathy to be a decent human being or a nice person. Neither having empathy makes someone better than anyone else.Â
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One of my least favourite dialogue tropes is when a man tells a woman, âYou canât do thatâ or âI wouldnât do that if I were youâ and she says, âWhy? Because Iâm a woman and therefore too weak to handle this/canât take care of myself?â or something to that effect and the guy replies with, âNo, because everyone who tried that ended up with a bullet in their brainâ or something equally reasonable and not gender-specific that paints him as the rational not sexist guy and the woman as an irrational paranoid feminist who searches for sexism in everything. This whole scenario is built on the idea that sexism is over and womenâs fears and suspicions donât have a leg to stand on. Itâs also self-congratulatory pseudofeminism bc itâs supposed to make the viewer/reader/listener feel that in this specific work of fiction women are treated respectfully and as equal with men.
huh.. never thought of it like that
But, what if the male character isnât sexist? I meamâŚtheir fictional sure butâŚIâm not sure how to phrase this
Its not a question of the character themselves- its how the writers are portraying them. The way this trope plays out, the whole moment revolves around the woman looking foolish for assuming that there is sexism happening. She is characterized as being irrational, jumping to conclusions, even insecure. While the dude is characterized as the calm, rational one.
It is a trope that specifically works by taking a woman standing up to sexism and saying âhaha it wasnt actually sexist at all! Isnt calling out sexism foolish and silly. Thats what you get for assuming that men are sexist!â
I have the same reaction with homophobic jokes set up like this. Like the whole âyou canât marry a womanâ, âwhy bc you think its wrongâ âno we havenât found you the right dress yet silly!â Or stuff along those lines.
It feels like someone setting up to punch you and then you duck and the person goes âhaha, i wasnât gonna punch you at all, why would you duck? You shouldnt just assume someoneâs gonna deck you because they have their fists up.â
âŚhuh, wow.Â
Yes! Can we please agree to leave the âMy son wearing makeup is horrifying! The lipstick doesnât match the shoes!â bullshit behind us?? Making trans and gay folks flinch isnât as cool as y'all think
Every single person saying âsex is real, itâs gender thatâs not realâ to support trans people needs to sit down and think about how that affects intersex people.
Sex is literally made up. Sex characteristics? Real. Genitalia is real, hormone levels are real, chromosomes are real⌠But dividing those into two boxes isnât real. We arbitrarily threw together the two most common combinations of these traits, called them male and female, and said fuck everyone who doesnât fit into that.
Sex isnât some holy thing that only the most radical people want to destroy, itâs a farce used to justify the medical abuse of intersex people. If you want to be an ally to intersex people, please take the time to think about these things. Think about the way we talk about sex and how it might be hurting intersex people.
Using âassigned genderâ language, legitimating the idea of a sex binary, calling intersex types âconditionsâ/âdisordersâ/etc., comparing intersex people to animals with diverse sex characteristics, and not listening to or acknowledging intersex people are all things people need to stop doing if they want to be allies to intersex people.
Iâm trans as well as intersex, I know that supporting trans rights is incredibly important, but it should not be done at the expense of intersex people.
I understand all of this except for the part about âassigned genderâ language. Does it just mean that the doctors assign you a sex at birth but not a gender? But then thereâs a cultural phenomenon (cisnormativity) that assigns you the same gender as the sex you were assigned, so isnât that still an assigned gender? Plus if you donât have an assigned gender, then you canât be cis or trans because your gender canât be âthe same asâ or âdifferent fromâ a thing that doesnât exist.
Sorry, I definitely wasnât clear about it in the original post because I wrote that post from the perspective of being an intersex person who already intuitively knew the problem I was talking about.
When I say âassigned genderâ language, I specifically mean people using âassigned male/femaleâ as a euphemism for sex. People will often assume that everyone whose gender was assigned as female fits into the âfemaleâ category of sex and same with âmaleâ. But thatâs not the case for intersex people. When we use âassigned genderâ to mean someoneâs sex and make assumptions about their bodies, it excludes intersex people. For example, I was assigned female at birth but because Iâm intersex it doesnât actually tell you anything about how my body works. It doesnât tell you what chromosomes or genitalia I have. So using âassigned femaleâ as short hand for, for example, people with ovaries excludes many intersex people (both afab intersex people without ovaries and amab intersex people with ovaries).
So gender assignment is a real (harmful) thing, and can be talked about constructively, but specifically using âassigned male/femaleâ as if itâs synonymous with sex is intersexist.
