beloved.

you can be 17 or 70  and love will still be a mystery, and i will love a hundred boys before i find him and that’s not all i will love but i am ready.

i have the sun and the moon and all of the stars waiting for me and i cannot wait for anyone; i cannot stop for you anymore.

and i will never again fall from the exhaustion of loving you because love is not supposed to drain you out love is not supposed to reject you it is not allowed to make you feel worthless love only speaks fondly of you love lifts you up when you are drowning in the ocean you created love rubs circles on your back and kisses your thumbs love can’t fall asleep knowing you are still awake and foremost love built this world up it is not meant to tear it down and i’m sorry i was ever confused.

i feel so good with this realization that he was just a test the gods were so curious to know if i’d make it or break it and i was struggling so hard to make it that honestly i almost broke it but my heart is my heart my soul is my soul; i am mine not his.

i feel radiant and glowing like the universe itself lives in my soul.

August 22, 2014 12:58 AM i don't think i like you anymore right now i can't remember why i did this morning you're just a boy and you're not who i need i love you but right now i don't need you. as of right now you no longer have someone or maybe you do but you no longer have a /me/ ready to love you unconditionally.

i want you high. i want you low.

there is a roughness in my palms and in my heart that craves your touch incessantly.

i can't handle you doing things and saying things and people getting to be there and watch you and be with you and laugh with you and all i am is stuck here thinking about you while i don't cross your mind for even an instant. do you even want me there do you think for even one second is she here and check the crowd for my face to calm you down so you can stop wondering where i am and what i'm doing and how i am and who i'm with and who gets to hear my laugh when you don't and who gets to breathe the same air as me when you don't. does none of this occur to you does it affect you do i even cross your mind?