I’ve been talking with a good friend of mine lately who is struggling with other people’s opinions of him. He feels the need to give an explanation to every action and bases a lot of what he does on how he thinks people will perceive him. He is constantly plagued with an underlying fear of causing disappointment, apologizing for himself before he even knows if what he did warrants an apology.
I know how tiring that is. I have always called myself a “reformed introvert”. It took truly immersing myself into this band, committing to my life and marching forward toward this whole “no back up plan” to truly come out of my shell.
I remember always worrying about what other people thought, and putting their comfort and happiness above my own, even to the point where it affected me physically.
I’m here to tell you that there is a way out of that shell! And there is a balance to be had, because respecting yourself does not mean that you are selfish, and it doesn’t mean you have to be a dick. It means that you have a great understanding of your surroundings, yourself and what truly matters.
I want to encourage you to stop apologizing for everything. Before “I’m sorry” comes out of your mouth, ask yourself “why”, and if you truly are.
And before you give an explanation to justify your actions, ask yourself why you feel the need to. You don’t need to censor yourself just to comfort someone else’s ignorance. And you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
Me? I care about people, it’s part of what I do. If I see someone hurting, I want to help. It is my choice to help. Some people cannot be helped, and I have had to make that decision not to drown with them. I also care about me. I care about my sanity, and clarity. Because if I lose that… I cannot be a help to anyone else. Remember that Only By loving who we are do we truly open the door to love someone else.
I believe that Every choice You make should be your own. Don’t be scared of disappointing anyone because there’s Always gonna be someone who is disappointed no matter what you do.
For example, I had to make a hard decision last summer, to not finish a tour because of what I now know is a vocal change I am going through ( see my first tumblr blog post). There was a lot of love and understanding I got from people, and there also was a lot of hate. So much of both, that due to the volume of negative, battled by the positive people reporting all of it that FB actually shut my page down for a few days! Ha!! Truth is, I know that if I had continued on that tour and couldn’t give everyone my 100% or even my 80%… Someone would’ve been disappointed and hated me for that too.
In my position, Every action I make causes a ripple of passionate, and differing “opinion wars”. What I wear, what I eat, what I drink, my hair color, the occasional recreational weed or cigar… It’s a classic damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario.
I do appreciate all the passion people have for who I am and what I do! That is the beauty of music, impacting someone’s life in such a way that they feel the need to express their opinions. I’m grateful to be in a very amazing position in my life where I’m able to touch so many people.
I’m giving these examples of my life to help paint the picture of what everyone goes through now in this Internet/Social Media age we are in. Because everyone has a hard time separating the Internet with real life from time to time. And coming from someone who was born before the Internet…I feel the need to reiterate that people’s opinions of you online, good or bad, do not reflect who you are in real life. Only You know your story. And who cares if everyone agrees or disagrees with your story… It’s not theirs. It’s Yours. Just like my life is Mine.
“someones gotta hate, it’s never gonna change, it gets harder everyday, it’s a hell of a place to keep your heart from freezing, to keep yourself believing…
But I won’t run, I’m not afraid… I’ll look em in the eye, gonna hear me say it’s…
My life, my love, my sex, my drug, my lust, my god, it ain’t no sin… Can I get an Amen?”
“I promise to myself, me and no one else, I am more than this…I am the fire”
“Step into my closet and maybe you’ll find something that’ll scare you, something that you like…”
“I’m unapologetic with you tonight, nothing to hide, turn on the lights, all of the lights and I’ll take you as you are”
“I’m a sick individual and I’m doing this thing called whatever the fuck I want”
I’m currently encouraging my friend to do what he loves, unapologetically. And if he makes changes in his life, do it for him, not because he thinks someone’s opinion will change because of it.
As always, I hope that through putting pieces of myself out there on this blog, you in turn will find some peace and insight to carry on your own journey xx
In closing… Life’s too damn short…Might as well be happy!
Rock on my little freaks…Rock on!
blakekathryn
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