An Introverted Girl Who Travels A Little

I’m typing this from my quarantine hotel with a shitty internet connection in Manila. Yes, I’m back in the Philippines for the holiday. I will be quarantined for 5 days before I get another swab test for Covid and be released, which is good because it allows me to rest and readjust my sleeping schedule. This isolation also gives me time to catch up with work. 

The last few months have been so extremely eventful, to say the least. A lot of things have happened and how I wish I could tell you all about it. But one that really stood out is the fact that I’ve got my driver’s license after failing on my first test! I can now drive wherever and whenever.

This also makes making friends easier—I have a couple of friends I regularly hang out with. But more importantly, I get to try new things I always wanted to do and places I wanted to go since I moved to Cape Cod. 

Career-wise, I landed a regular part-time job that allows me to live very comfortably and only work a few hours a day. (Although I have my husband to thank for paying all the utility bills). I’m hoping that by next year, I’ll be able to enroll in a class related to my work to progress my skills and get more opportunities. I’m thinking spring, but I’ll see what happens—I still couldn't leave my anxious dog at home by himself. 

He was sick for a week and wasn’t even able to go to his classes. I ended up canceling my flight and Ryan came home after quarantining. It was a terrible time.

Not only I had to cancel my flight, but I also had to reschedule my road test.

Now, on the brighter side…

and while i feel like nothing much changed, there are still a few things that did. and what changed were probably some of the most important things in my life. 

and that is i feel like i finally know what i really want to do with my life.

i mean, i’m 29 now, and many 29-yr old people particularly in the west have their shit already figured out at this age. but cut me some slack -- i moved from the third world and started to build a new life in a foreign country. 

as i mentioned in my last post, i started putting up a business. and eventually, it’s going to be an llc -- i hope. im also getting a steady flow of clients for writing. im doing a lot of copywriting gigs and im sure to stick with it for a while, if not, my whole writing career. 

it took me a while to finally stop saying, “freelance writing is something i dont want to do for the rest of my life.” but i love copywriting. mainly because i dont have to spend a lot of time doing it. it’s short, comes naturally to me, and it pays well. so, it’s perfect for lazy writers like myself.  

but who knows how long i will stick with what all i just said? knowing my indecisiveness, i might change my path at some point eventually. 

I purchased a Kindle Paperwhite during Amazon Prime because it was dirt cheap, and I didn’t need to buy books because I have access to Libby where I can borrow digital books for free from the local library – I love that concept.

Aside from reading and writing, I also do dog sitting on the side, which I exceptionally enjoy. It’s basically hanging out with cute dogs and getting paid for it. It’s starting to be a lucrative business that I’ve got insurance coverage for it.

I thought when I move here, I’ll be more motivated to practice my watercolor skills. But of course, this is not the perfect world, so my procrastination always wins.

This time, however, I was able to draw something for my mother-in-law’s boyfriend who trains me how to drive. I wanted to give him something in return of his time and dedication to make me more comfortable on the road.

It is a picture of his dog who passed shortly before I moved to the US. He liked it a lot, along with a letter I wrote him, so I’m very happy about that.

This morning, I got up on my normal schedule, started working, and finished my work before noon. Went to the trail to have a peaceful walk and basked under the sun. Took a moment to appreciate all the good things in my life.

This afternoon, I was lounging on the couch with my book with Sam Smith songs in the background when I looked out of the window and saw a car pulled into our driveway. I easily figured that it was a flower delivery service based on the sign on the car’s doors. I thought the flowers will be delivered to our female landlord, but he headed towards our door. 

It was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Ryan. 

It means so, so much to me because Ryan is not good with surprises (he always drops uncalled for hints, haha!) but every time he plans for something, it’s always perfect!

I always see this trail, but I thought it leads to a neighbor’s property (which was weird, but still)

As I walked further, I saw electric posts. So, then I thought maybe it was just a trail used by linemen. But my curiosity has gotten the best of me.

Then a bench??? There was a viewing deck here???

And another one???

We live on the water, and this viewing deck faces the pond. It’s so scenic. I find myself coming here a lot this summer.

 Turns out, I’m trespassing an old wireless receiving station.

If you walk more, you’ll end up at a museum dedicated to the historic radio station. I’ve been there with Ryan before, and I wanted to go again. But my little companion got tired of walking...

Have you had a leg cramp in the middle of the night? It feels like that, except it stays longer than a couple of minutes. I started wearing a brace for my wrist and I woke up this morning with 90% less pain. I also took medicines for arthritis and I’m pretty sure it helped.

I believe that it was due to the prolonged use of my mouse for hours for consecutive days. So, now I invested in an ergonomic mouse and a mouse pad cushion that are suppose to help keep my wrist tendons comfortable and straight even if I stay in my computer all day long.

Ryan just left for work yesterday, which means it’s only Oreo and I are in the house. I thought by now I’ll get used to it, but I still feel weirded out by the fact that I’m all by myself half of the time. Not that I hate being alone, but the thought of me not having any human interactions most of the time kind of pressured me to be sad about it. I’m not sad though. I just feel like I should be sad. You know what I mean? 

Like we were thought that human interaction is important to be happy. I mean, yes, there were times when I wish I had friends here. But when I had the opportunity to hang out with people, the idea of hanging out with people and talking a lot to keep them entertained, kind of stresses me out. I guess I’m still the same girl from 10 years ago who would rather stay in home and simply enjoy the virtual human contact the technology has blessed us with. 

I think my biggest milestone this month of April is finishing a whole book. As I mentioned on my previous blog, I subscribed to Book of the Month (check it out and use my link for $5 off on your first book!) I haven’t finished a book in years and it just makes me proud. 

So proud that I just purchased three more books that I hopefully all finish this this month. So, here is my May’s book list:

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

How Lucky by Will Leitch (my BOTM)

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

And I’m planning to read them in this order.

I wanted to write about how my past week went but the gravitational force of my couch is too strong that my body feels so heavy. So, maybe I’ll just save them for another day?

All I want to do right now is just slouch on it and keep up with Netflix trending shows and movies. But actually, I’ll have to clean the house and walk Oreo to the trail because that’s what I promised him this morning. 

So, I’ll have to do those things and then do what my body really wants to do – Netflix and slouch. 

I originally purchased this because Ryan likes sleeping with the TV on. I tend to sleep earlier than him and the light and sound coming from the TV bother me.  

I'm just so glad I ended up buying this. I can wake up at 5 in the morning and get back to sleep after a few minutes. I also could not fall asleep on the couch before this.

It just makes me so happy because not falling asleep gives me anxiety. I don't mean that if I don't fall asleep, I get an anxiety attack the next day. or become prone to one. It's more like I get this fear that if I don't fall asleep that night, I'll get so poopy and groggy the next day that I wouldn't be able to function well, which hardly ever happens anyway. Except I just get really tired.

I knew I had a problem but like most people who are struggling with it, I was in denial. I thought it wasn’t that bad because I didn’t do it regularly. But I think it’s time to acknowledge it now before it gets even worse.

Now is the time I have to face my problem: I have an eating disorder.

I’ve been bulimic for years and only Ryan knew about it. I don’t know how it started and when, but my earliest memory of it is this one time I was traveling with Ryan. We went to this nice restaurant in Siquijor and I had some seafood pasta. After that, Ryan ordered pizza and I had more. I felt so guilty and threw up.

Then it happened again and again and again, although it’s not something I did every day. There was also a time when I thought I will never do it again, but then the same thing happened.

I’m tired of it. 

So, instead of my earlier plans of starting working today for my next week’s work, I decided to spend the whole day in bed and read a book.

And I also drew a card from my Tarot deck today and I’ve got the reversed Three of Cups, which I interpret as solidarity and time to reflect. So, I guess there’s no better place to spend my Sunday than my bed.

Living in a touristy place like Cape Cod, I constantly get clients as many of the accommodations here don’t allow dogs. This is so weird because the island is known to be dog-friendly. But I’m not complaining!

We also had a little trip to the beach today. It was the first time I‘ve worn my Birkenstock since last summer. It was such a good day. Here are some pictures I took today.

This is one of the camps on Nauset Beach.

Ryan and his friend, Connor, flying his drone.

Ryan, Oreo, and Jared trying out my new paddleboard. 

I wonder if I will be a good mother and how I will be able to handle the stress and mental challenges associated with it. I’m sure it would be easier if my mom was close to me. She knows everything about taking care of a baby!

My life being raised by her wasn’t easy though. She was extremely strict with my brother and me growing up. She was a typical Asian mom that gives you a good spanking when you did something wrong. She easily got mad over the simplest things and escalated things so easily. It was so bad and I hated my life for it.  

I told myself that when I become a parent, she’s everything I wouldn’t be. I grew up being jealous of my friends for having kind, loving mothers who are nice to their kids. I was physically and mentally tormented.  

It all stopped when I started making money though – when I was old enough to fight back and do things on my own. And  that’s also when I realized that I wasn’t really mad at her. I knew she raised me the way she knew was right. Of course, it’s not right to hit your kids, especially over petty things, but she did it because she thought it was good for me that time.  

If there’s anything good that came out from it, it’s the fact that I learned how I would raise my unborn kids. I will do the things I wish my mom did to me and with me. I also learned how to be more independent. I learned how to be tough and stand on my own.

Also, here’s a random fact – I almost got aborted. I was born a little more than a year after my brother and my parents thought they weren’t ready to have another child (on top of them being embarrassed for having another child right after having one). My mother and father were already at the house of this lady who performs underground abortions when my mom had cold feet and said that I was already a human.  

Moving to 29 years later, I’m here telling you this story. Now, I'm thinking about what life would have been for all the people in my life if she decided to go through. One single decision you make in your life can create a huge impact on the life of many.