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Sex & Relationships 

 Cosmo Confessions

55 Super-Sexy Ways to Turn On Your Partner

Arousal is different for everyone, but these ideas are A+ starting points.

by SYEDA KHAULA SAAD

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Like with most things when it comes to sex, everyone’s different, and there is no one-size-fits-all way to turn someone on. Everyone responds to sexual stimuli different, and it takes understanding, patience, and a whole lot of kinky experimenting to really understand what makes your partner horny on the reg. But a common misconception when your partner is a cis-het male is that they’re DTF all the time, 24/7, and that’s simply…not true for everyone!

“There’s a cultural expectation that men should want sex all the time, and when a man struggles with his turn-ons or libido, there’s a lot of stigma and shame that often goes with it,” explains sex educator Kenneth Play, creator of the Sex Hacker Pro course. “Seek to understand what’s going on without making it personal, and if you think outside of the box, maybe you can come up with a strategy together.”

And even if your partner isn’t struggling to get turned on, exploring new things in bed can take even the best sex to another level. As usual, we’re here with a few kinky ideas to help your sex life get where you want it to go, starting with the all powerful ~take it slow~.

“One of the most important things we can do to experience more pleasure and more consistent sexual satisfaction with our partners is to slow down,” says licensed psychologist and sexologist Dr. Nikki Coleman. “We need to learn to engage our sensuality—the stimulation of our senses—to enhance our sexual pleasure.”

Read on for more ways to boost your partner’s arousal game and turn them all the way on. (And remember, these ideas can be applied to partners of all genders, not just men!) Their sex drive—and yours!—will thank you. 

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sexting

Sexting is truly an under-utilized art form. If you enjoy building up anticipation, nothing is as playful as the teasing that comes from a good ol’ fashioned sext. Whether you’re into detailed sentences about the dirty things you want to do to your partner, or you’re more of a “show don’t tell” type of person, sexting covers it all. “Get creative and make it fun!” Dr. Coleman says. Just make absolutely sure that your partner is comfortable by talking about boundaries in advance.

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go on a sexy scavenger hunt

Who ever said that scavenger hunts couldn’t be sexy? You can use intimate information (or items) that are special to you and your partner as clues. And as a prize? Naughty favors. “It creates a sense of intimacy and gives you pleasure,” Dr. Coleman says. “Best part about it? Everyone wins!”

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make your partner your main focus

Set up a date where you or your partner focus only on each other’s pleasure. “It's not about reciprocating, but it's all about giving,” Dr. Coleman says. A lot of this just involves staying in the moment and reconnecting with touch and sensation. You’ll see just how all of your senses are heightened by getting lost in pleasure and not focusing on making sex a performance. 

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be attentive 

Honestly, one of the hottest things you can do for anyone is give them your full attention. "Most people walk around with an invisible sign on their foreheads that says 'Make me feel important,'" explains erotic educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven. "Find ways/things to compliment them. Is it their body, their mind, their desires, their dreams? Giving your person your utmost attention, especially in a public place, where there are lots of distractions, is a great boost to their ego."

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ask them what they want

As with anything sex-related, communication is key. "Ask them what turns them on and why that turns them on," says Sparks. "Be open/flexible to the possibility that they may be reluctant to share what turns them on because they are afraid of being judged." If you're not into what they want to do, totally fine (and uh, you obvi don't need to do it), but just giving them the space to share their fantasies is arousing. 

And FWIW, if you're doing something that's not exactly working, Sofiya Alexandra, co-founder and co-host of the Private Parts Unknown podcast, suggests not taking it too personally. "It’s not a condemnation of you, it’s an adjustment in tactics," she explains.

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watch porn together

Lots of people get turned on by visuals, and luckily, there's a whooole market for that in porn. That's why ASTROGLIDE resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly, PhD, suggests watching something erotic together. There are lots of different porn options out there if you're new to the genre, so spend an evening exploring the options together then talking about what you liked/didn't like. 

Dr. Jess adds you can also watch regular television and film programs together to uncover what themes and experiences lead to arousal (looking at you, Bridgerton). 

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read an erotic story

If you're not up for watching porn—or visuals just aren't as much your thing—Dr. Jess says you can also consider reading a hot story, or listening to an erotic audiobook/audio porn together. There are tons of options out there, whether you want something short and to the point or a whole series with an epic story tied into the sexiness. 

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go to a sex club together

For the truly adventurous out there, Play suggests going to a sex party or sex club together. "You don’t need to do anything with other people," he explains. "But sometimes, seeing what other people do is a real inspiration."

If you decide you *do* want to play, make sure to talk about your limits ahead of time. If you need help negotiating that, Play suggests checking out Dr. Zhana’s Open Smarter course. 

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...or just talk about it

If the idea of a sex club or sexy situation sounds hot but you don't actually want to do it, just have an evening talking about your fantasies in detail. 

While you're chatting about what gets you going, Dr. Jess suggests discussing how you want and what you need to feel in order to get aroused. Do you want to feel loved? Challenged? Safe? Desired? Try to pinpoint what it is for each of you so you know what vibes to aim for when it comes to seduction. 

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use only your fingertips 

Touch is obvi super arousing, but sometimes the softer the sensations, the hotter the seduction. "Use your eyes to look your partner up and down, [and then] use your hands to touch all over and really explore," suggests Dr. Jess. "Tune in to the sensations in your fingertips" and even use your nails to lightly scratch and stroke their skin. 

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get turned on yourself

The most basic way to turn someone on? Simply get aroused yourself. "Arousal is contagious," explains Play, so don't feel like you're doing all of this simply for your S.O. Turn yourself on by doing things that are both enjoyable for you and your partner. 

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remove distractions

If there's one thing that can take away from the mood, it's distractions. Tablets, computers, phones, clutter—Dr. Jess says to get rid of them all so you can concentrate on each other and not the pile of mail in the corner or text notifications that keep going off.

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offer some stress relief

Even though you might not have considered it, outside factors can have major effects on someone's libido. "If someone is going through a lot of stress in their outside life—like losing a job or having some other big challenge—they might not be feeling confident," explains Play. And not feeling confident is a really great way to not feel sexy, which in turn, means you probably won't get aroused. 

In this case, something as simple as a word of encouragement or a back rub to relieve some stress could be the key to a night of passion. 

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use a cock ring 

A cock ring is the perfect sexcessory to add to your playtime. And certified life coach Manya Wakefieldrecommends the Lelo Tor 2. "If you rotate it up, it will vibrate against your clitoris as you move with your partner. Rotate it down and it will drive them wild as it vibrates against the testicles," Wakefield says. 

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get connected via tantric breathing 

"Becoming connected to your partner through syncing your breaths together and by gazing eye-to-eye will connect your energy," says certified sexologist and tantra practitioner Tyomi Morgan. 

Here's how to do it, per Morgan: "While facing each other, place your hand over their heart and their right hand over yours. Place your left hand over their hand, and ask them to place their left hand over yours. Then, stare into each other's eyes and breathe deeply into your diaphragm. Encourage them to stay in the same pattern as your breathing." 

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let them watch you masturbate

Yup, they can look but they can't touch...until they're begging. "Have them sit and watch you masturbate," suggests intimacy coach Ro Sanchez, CEO of She.Slips. Bonus points: Tie their hands up with a silk scarf or some handcuffs. 

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try dressing up instead of dressing down

Do you both have a sexy nurse fantasy or any other hot role-playing idea? Now’s the time to take it full-circle and make that dream a reality. 

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give them a massage

Giving your partner a sensual massage can not only build excitement and get you both raring to go, but also helps you get in tune with their body and build comfort and trust.

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watch a sexy show together

If you’re looking for a suggestion, how about Outlander or The Witcher? Both shows are guaranteed to get your blood pumping in all the right ways. And never forget, the couple that streams together, stays together.

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try a remote-controlled vibrator

Want to hand your partner the reins? Try a remote-controlled vibrator that lets them control the intensity and pattern while you go to town across town. (Across town, in this instance can literally be on the other side of the bed, if you want.) 

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try a remote-controlled panty vibe

If you love the idea of remote-controlled toys but want to keep all your fancy lingerie on, go for gold with a remote-controlled panty vibe. These underwear vibrators tuck into your panties for clitoral stimulation so you can continue to give your partner a show and parade around in your sexy wares at the same time.

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rim your partner

If anal foreplay is on your list of shared interests, there’s plenty of butt stuff you can do that doesn’t actually involve anal penetration if you’re not quite there yet.

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light some candles

Ambiance is everything, baby. Light some candles for a sexy glow that will not only make the mood extra sensual, but also make you feel your sexiest self while bathed in dim, flickering candlelight. A win-win! Even better if you get massage candles with an easy-pour spout so you can also transition into a sexy massage.

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incorporate some asmr sex into the mix

If you and your partner are people who dig ASMR, you can also incorporate that in the bedroom. It's called ASMR sex, and yes, it’s a thing. Put on some ASMR tracks (Spotify has you covered), and start throwing in some gentle touching and light tickling to see if you can feel the tingles on another level.

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play with their nipples

If your partner is male-identifying, men’s nipples are just as hot of an erogenous zone for him as they are for you. Try rubbing them in a circular motion, incorporating toys, or using your tongue to lick and suck. And then have him try it on you. Bonus if you have a nipple orgasm.

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also get naked

I mean, why not, right? Can't leave them all alone like that! 

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cover their eyes

Make them put on a blindfold (or tie a scarf around their eyes) and drive them crazy with every mysterious stroke, kiss, lick, and touch. Only let them take it off if they beg (or use the safe word, ofc). ;)

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hold a 'magic mike' viewing party for one

Turn on "Pony" and ask your person to werk their best Channing impression. You can also watch both movies together too, for "inspiration."

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give them a show of your own

You can go for a minute, or if you wanna be playfully mean, way longer than that. They'll both love and hate you for the latter, so why not let them let off some steam?

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be the ultimate tease

Kiss and lick your way down their torso...then stop right before you get to their pleasure spots. If you really want to be cruel, give their penis or vulva a quick peck on the head. Then, walk away for a little bit. Only you get to decide when you come back.

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incorporate a vibrator 

Or honestly, like 12. You just have so many options! You can try a couple's vibe to close up that orgasm gap, try out a vibrating penis ring, get flirty with a finger vibe, or honestly, just get off with a classic wand.

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think outside the bed

Vacation sex is usually such a standout because you're on vacation, aka moving outside your go-to sex routine. But if you don't want to wait for a trip to have incredible sex, take a smaller trip–to a different part of your home. Try the kitchen counter, a (sturdy!) table, or, hell, even lean against the bathroom sink. Just, you know, keep it indoors and legal.

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cook together

A bonding activity that's actually delicious. Also a great excuse to come up behind each other as you take turns making that sandwich. Sure, it might be two hours before you actually eat, but who's counting??

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turn them into a buffet

Do your taste buds a favor and dole out some flavored lube, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, or whatever else you consider a dessert on a total snack.

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own your inner cowgirl

Whether reverse or regular, being on top can make it easier for you to orgasm. And hey, your partner will not mind the view.

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find their p-spot (no, it's not on the penis)

The prostate—the walnut-size gland under their bladder—is a vastly underutilized erogenous zone. Try resting two fingers against the swath of skin between their testicles and anus when you ride them or give them head–it sounds random but trust, they will probably react. You can always move on to fingering or pegging too!

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give them the silent treatment

This is basically sex charades: Wrap your hand around their penis and don't say a word. When they do something you're really into, give them a little squeeze until you graduate to a full-on hand job.

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get dirty...with your talk

Telling your partner what you find so irresistible about them and what you want them to do to you is a great way to talk about consent and guarantee that the experience will be everything you hope for and more. Also, it's just a huge turn-on. 

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compliment them!

Saying nice things to people is underrated. If you like their butt, tell them! If their legs could turn you on for daaaaaays, let em know! 

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break out into downward dog

Have your partner perform a solo yoga sesh, or join them. Sexercise has never been hotter.

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give each other full-body massages

Grab some massage oil or lotion and get to work.

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institute a hands-off policy

You can touch each other's bodies with your lips, tongues, and breath instead.

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get the opposite of hot in here

Sometimes you gotta cool down to turn up the heat. Have your partner lie on their back as you run an ice cube from their neck aaaaalll the way down.

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get behind...and get ahead

Stand *behind* your partner while touching and stroking them. This positions your palm flat against their sensitive underside, the same way they grip it when they masturbate. Then do a few things they can't do themselves, like gently lick their ear or kiss their back. And if you're feeling particularly ambitious, you can attempt the rusty trombone, where you perform a rim job and hand job at the same time.

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have them lift you up (physically, but ya know, also emotionally)

Ask your partner to hold you up against the wall, Ryan-Gosling-in-The-Notebook-style with your legs wrapped around their lower back. Not only is this minimal work for you, but watching them work up a sweat while they do sex things to you is not the worst way to spend a Sunday. Or a Tuesday night. Literally, everyone should do this more often.

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(provided your tub is clean) take a bath

Again, actual penetration might be tough here, but you can still grind up on each other and talk about your feelings! 

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take a shower together

Shower sex itself can be tricky and even frustrating to pull off sometimes (despite what all the movies say), so don't feel pressure to do anything but watch the water and suds cascade off your bodies. Foreplay that also gets you clean is a tough one to beat.

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screw 69–try 77

You've probably heard of 69ing. Maybe you even hate it a lot. If so, consider 77'ing. No oral sex is involved here–instead, the numbers simply illustrate what your bodies look like in a side-entry position. If you're still skeptical, just know that this particular angling makes for A+ penetration that goes juuuust deep enough.

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play rough (again, with consent!)

Talk about your boundaries and safe words, learn what they're into and what they're not, but once you're both game, let loose and play rough. Try biting their lips, scratching their back, letting them tie you up—the sky is the limit.

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tie them up in a whole new way

Even a plain scarf does the trick if you use the right technique. Take a long silk wrap, place it around their penis and balls and tie it in a large square knot, leaving about a foot of fabric on either end to hold on to. As you're riding them, pull on the free ends so that the knot rubs against your clitoris.

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go deep

You can make it even better by drawing your knees toward your chest and grasping the back of your thighs. You can also place the soles of your feet on their chest if you're in the mood for some deep penetration.

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have them describe exactly what they want

Why wonder when you can just know?

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make it a quickie

OMG-gotta-have-it-now sex is soooo worth it.

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go for round two...or three...or four

If you're craving another go, tell them. Your partner probs has more stamina than you think.

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just hang out 

Just because you're naked doesn't mean you HAVE to do anything other than enjoy each other's company. Order takeout and watch TV, reveling in your fully nude selves.