cvpiid111

Not too long ago, I got really sick. I was in a pattern of restricting both food and fluids. Now, I've never been super skinny (even in times when i was fasting for 30+ hours regularly and eating <300-700 calories a day), so I thought I was immune to ed side effects (not sick enough mentality). I was wrong.

I wound up in the ER after 15 hours of extreme abdominal pain and vomiting. It was so bad I thought I had appendicitis. After some testing and a CT scan (the contrast material they injected me with was genuinely one of the weirdest drugs i've ever done), it was revealed that I was chronically constipated. Ew, right? I wasn't surprised though. I habitually restricted fluids and opted for high fiber foods to keep me 'fuller'. NAWTT a good combo y'all. Anyway, They basically told me I had hit my cap and i was throwing up because my bowels were no longer able to move. I was severely dehydrated.

Ummm so anyway. Moving forward. After that I felt like shit and was too sick to gaf about restricting. I just wanted to feel healthy and like i ought to be alive. So I started eating again. Three times a day. Absolutely horrifying, really my younger self's worst nightmare. at least it wasn't forced recovery. I gained a few pounds at first, then maintained. Apparently when you don't starve yourself, you don't get ravenously hungry and binge eat. But I'm actually kind of healthier now. Like, I have energy that didn't come from a can. It's sooooo weird to be posting this. I've been in self destruct mode for years.

I wouldn't say I'm 'recovered'. I still feel fat. I'm actually actively losing weight now.. but it's not controlling (I think it's just a byproduct of having a healthy digestive system and being active). My mindset has shifted to prioritizing health for myself. Soooooo lame ohmygawddd.

Anway y'all. ya girl's trying to be happy and has decided that she'd rather not miss out on things because she thinks she looks fat.