silly e badu

told dat bih 'i count my cake'

I always wondered how you truly felt—if you looked for me as I looked for you. My first (and hopefully last as yearning is awful) "almost", I hope our story is somewhat defined by the end of the school year. I'm not asking for a love confession out in the rain, but I hope for a sense of clarity.

(I don't want anyone to read this into sadness. He gave me moments that I used to read in books and quietly hoped to experience one day.)

Despite everything, we were kind of epic, ya know? Our tension and failure to define what we had made things somewhat "exciting". I'd never had that with anyone and most likely wouldn't have wanted it with anyone else. All the other boys felt superficial and lacked importance. Strangely, the uncertainty that surrounded us made our situation feel more real than any typical high school romance. I'm not the popular or cool girl. Not a cheerleader or anything of the sort. And you weren't the popular or cool guy. Neither one of us are supposed to get each other at the end of the movie. But this dynamic persisted between us anyway.

Thank you for the prolonged eye contact, the longing stares, the walks to class, and that one moment at prom.

Hopefully, this will be a story I recount to my future daughter one day as she deals with boy struggles for the first time. Something I'll reference to tell her that not everything is bound to become "more", but it can still be meaningful.

Thank you for giving me that. That's more than I can ask for.

I hope that our "almost" means a lot to you as well. I hope you thought about me in the darkest of nights. I hope you looked for me in every room. W

You were good at "almost", but an even better friend. Someone who I've known for a while now. As a friend, I want you to be happy. I want to see you succeed. I wish you nothing but the best.