brittany doesn’t know what she’s trying to say— and really, she’s afraid of whatever’s at the end of that sentence,  she’s just relieved when mikayla gives into the hug.   she holds her tighter now that she knows she’s accepting it,  her hand gently rubbing her back and her head leaning against hers,  trying make her feel safe even if brittany’s usual style of comfort isn’t anything like this.  “i know,”  she mutters softly,   because while she’s never fully understood what she and nat have in common,  she understands how important she is to her—   but it’s not until a few moments after that she really processes her words.   she glances behind her,  the the news fading away from the team photo again,  and her brows furrow as she tries to recall everyone on the team.   it shouldn’t surprise her— mikayla was part of that team, surely she has other people she’s closer with,  but not any that brittany can place.  and maybe it’s not her place to ask,  but if she’s going to help her,  she has to figure out what she’s really saying.  “mikayla,  we can’t go there,”   she reminds,  taking a deep breath.  “they’re okay.  they have ot be.  you’re not going to lose nat,”   she says,   speaking the name carefully before she braces herself to ask.  “and—-“   she starts,  pulling back just enough to look over to her.  “who…. what do you mean, both of them? ” 

brittany doesn’t know what she’s trying to say— and really, she’s afraid of whatever’s at the end of that sentence,  she’s just relieved when mikayla gives into the hug.   she holds her tighter now that she knows she’s accepting it,  her hand gently rubbing her back and her head leaning against hers,  trying make her feel safe even if brittany’s usual style of comfort isn’t anything like this.  “i know,”  she mutters softly,   because while she’s never fully understood what she and nat have in common,  she understands how important she is to her—   but it’s not until a few moments after that she really processes her words.   she glances behind her,  the the news fading away from the team photo again,  and her brows furrow as she tries to recall everyone on the team.   it shouldn’t surprise her— mikayla was part of that team, surely she has other people she’s closer with,  but not any that brittany can place.  and maybe it’s not her place to ask,  but if she’s going to help her,  she has to figure out what she’s really saying.  “mikayla,  we can’t go there,”   she reminds,  taking a deep breath.  “they’re okay.  they have ot be.  you’re not going to lose nat,”   she says,   speaking the name carefully before she braces herself to ask.  “and—-“   she starts,  pulling back just enough to look over to her.  “who…. what do you mean, both of them? ” 

“ that bracelet's cute. ” it's fucking not, but @cutetalented is, so regina could pretend. “ did you, like... make it yourself? ” it looks homemade for sure, so it's not a compliment.

the pride and the joy she feels at someone complimenting her work isn’t entirely reflected on her face; she’s modest, offering a small smirk in response, her head tilting up just barely. “oh, yeah. I make all my jewelry myself,” she says nonchalantly, like there’s nothing really to talk about—- but she’s desperate for her to ask more questions. she holds her arm out, offering her a better look. “I’ve got plenty for sale, if you’re interested, or whatever.”

it does catch her off guard a little, brittany not just immediately listening to her, agreeing with her, because it's not what she was used to in high school— and while it's good for brittany, it's a little irritating for mikayla, because she could use support right now, not someone insisting she move on when mikayla knows it's not possible. “ how hot? like— compared to what i had. ” that's not a fair question, because mikayla can't imagine ever finding someone more attractive than tai, because it's more than just her appearance alone— it's everything about her that blinds mikayla to everyone else, but if brittany's never been in love, maybe she can't understand that. “ i know what my type is. ” she sighs in defeat anyway, her hand raising to press against her forehead. “ yeah, fine. i'll give her a chance. one chance. but if she just turns out to be some dumb true crime freak, i'm never listening to you again. ”

brittany's face scrunches up in disgust,  but she doesn't mean it.  and it's not about taissa, either—   she always liked her as a person,  she just no longer trusts her,  and she doesn't think she deserves mikayla being hung up on her,  either.   ❝  i'm,  like—    no,  not answering that,  ❞   she insists,   trying to stand her ground.   ❝  but she's hot.  can you just trust me on that? ❞   she insists.   she scoffs,  but she holds her hands up in defeat anyway.   ❝   I’m a little insulted you think I wouldn't vet someone like that—    but, fine.  if that's how she turns out to be,  I don't deserve to be trusted again, ❞   she offers,  a small grin tugging at her lips.  ❝ one chance is all i'm asking.   we can make it a double date if that would make you more comfortable,  ❞  she offers, raising a brow.   ❝  but— -  up to you.  really.  I just want to see you have fun for a night,  mikayla.  ❞

she doesn't even want the one, but that doesn't seem to matter. mikayla understands brittany's just trying to help, but she doesn't need it, because she knows herself— she can't move on. that's just her being realistic, not dramatic. “ sorry, moe? ” she sneers, not unlike the way she would have in high school whenever she was making fun of someone. “ that's not a hot fucking name. ” already, she's looking for any excuse not to like the girl, as if the biggest obstacle isn't that she's already in love with someone else. she scowls, glancing away. “ doesn't sound like my type at all. ” she likes uptight, clearly, but it's just another excuse, because even if brittany set mikayla up with someone exactly like taissa, it wouldn't matter, because it's not her. “ what does she do? ” as if mikayla has any room to judge on that front.

brittany rolls her eyes;  it’s different than it was in high school,  because she would have just gone along with whatever mikayla was saying back then,  but she’s more confident in standing up for herself now.  but it’s not just about defending moe— it’s about genuinely trying to help mikayla, too.   ❝  yeah.  moe.  it’s short for something.  ❞   she thinks, anyway.   ❝  she’s hot.  can you just trust me?  ❞   she takes a deep breath,  because she knew from the beginning that this was going to be a battle.  ❝  well,  maybe it’s time to really figure out what your type is. ❞   beyond one girl, anyway.    ❝  she went to MIT.  she’s a total badass who is, like, incredibly smart.  she's cool. i promise. just give her a chance, please? an actual chance. ❞ 

it won't be different, because the issue was never that the women were criminals, that all of it took place in prison— it was that they weren't her. but mikayla knows she can't admit that, because it might just make brittany even more insistent that this is the right thing to do, like going on a date with some other girl would be enough to make her miraculously move on, like it's even possible for her to fall out of love. she was hoping that brittany wouldn't have anyone in mind, so when she does, mikayla has to stifle a groan of disappointment. “ perfect for me, ” she repeats dryly, unable to believe her, because she's already found that. with a deep sigh, she lets her head fall back for a moment, then looks back at her. “ one fucking date. that's it. ” it feels wrong, like she's betraying tai, but she has to remind herself they're just friends, so it shouldn't matter. “ what's her name? ”

brittany shoots a playful glare back at her and nods her head.  ❝  yeah,  ❞   she insists,  standing her ground.  maybe brittany doesn’t know exactly what that is for mikayla anymore,   but in her mind,  anything is better than waiting around for something with her ex when mikayla doesn’t even know if she can ever truly trust her.  brittany’s already made her mind up on that,  but she knows it’s not up to her,  so the least she can do is try to help mikayla see there are still other options.  a small smile tugs at her lips and she puts her hands up.  ❝  one.  if that’s all you want,  ❞   she reminds,  because she might actually enjoy her time.  ❝  her name is moe. she's cool. laidback, not so uptight . . . ❞ it's not an intentional comparison to the other girl in question, but she thinks the change of pace would be good for her. has time for you, she wants to say, but that feels too direct.

“ i don't mean just girls. it's not that simple anymore. ” in high school, it was, but now she has to be more careful with the people she chooses to trust— she's already had one stupid book written about her by someone she hardly knew, so she doesn't need another. it's probably a good thing that brittany doesn't give mikayla a chance to answer, because she's prepared to say no, not wanting to hear whatever it is she has to ask — and she's right for it, because the question irritates her. brittany doesn't understand: taissa turner isn't just some girl she dated, someone she could easily move on from, like it could ever be that easy— she was the first person to make her feel loved, seen, and even if tai ruined that eventually, she can't just move on from the only person she's ever truly wanted. “ i was with other girls when i was locked up, ” she says, but there's no pride in it, because every single one felt like a complete mistake. “ and i just... wasn't into it. ” but knowing that all of her friends just see her as some pathetic, lovesick loser who can't get over her ex who hurt her gets under her skin, so she lets out a defeated sigh. “ but if you know someone... i'll try one fucking date. ”

she sighs,  because she understands that it’s more complicated from her position,  but she doesn’t want that to mean mikayla closes herself off to it forever.   her spending time with tai lately worries her,  because it feels like another excuse to tell herself she doesn’t want it—  and maybe she doesn’t,  but brittany’s just worried.  ❝  i know it’s probably hard.  but that can’t be your only experience.  it has to be different outside of there.  ❞   she wants to believe that, anyway— she just doesn’t want mikayla to give up trying.   she raises a brow,  surprised she’s giving in,  even if she doesn’t have a lot of faith in her actually committing to it.   ❝  actually— i do,  ❞    she says, her grin growing slightly.  ❝  there’s a girl i know who i think would be perfect for you.  cute. not about drama. ❞ at least, she won't hold mikayla's past against her, won't dwell on it. she'd be good for her. ❝ —  if you're actually willing to give her a chance. ❞   

brittany’s eyes narrow in on her as she tries to decide if she believes her.  there’s a question that she wants to ask,  but she’s not sure how mikayla’s going to receive it,  and she’s nervous for how she’s going to respond regardless.   with a deep breath, she tilts her head to the side.   ❝  never?  ❞  she asks,  humming softly.   ❝  okay.  i get that,  that’s what i thought too,  but—  it’s a lot bigger than you think it is,  ❞   she insists,  sitting up now and leaning towards her.   ❝  can i ask you something?  ❞    she doesn't wait for her to answer.  maybe back in high school,  she wouldn’t have dared to ask—  she followed mikayla’s lead,  she never overstep,  never spoke up for herself.  but things are different now after all the years they spent apart and how brittany’s grown up since,  and she cares about her too much to leave it alone.   ❝  how much about this is not being interested and how much is about just wanting to be with her?  ❞ 

she'd rather not talk about it, because mikayla has no explanation she could readily give. all she knows is that the moment she saw taissa, she was overwhelmed with panic, her stomach twisting in so many knots that the only solution she could think of was to leave entirely. what is she supposed to tell brittany? that taissa turner looked so good she couldn't handle being anywhere near her? that it had to be brittany she dragged out of there with her, because she didn't want asher to get the wrong idea? absolutely fucking not. “ well, yeah. bad enough i have to be stuck with them for an entire week. i don't need to be around them tonight. ” her face feels warm, especially when she remembers who she got assigned to room with, something she's been desperately working on changing, but to no avail so far. “ you should be grateful for the quality time with me. what are you going to do for a whole week without me? ”