Blessings Of the Moon Upon Your Journey

Don't know what happened. A lot of things could've. I'm not holding anything against you except a little resentment over the lack of explanation.

But damn it hurts. To believe I'll get to see and speak to my friend at least one more time, only to feel that hope slowly shatter over days of no contact or follow up.

Is it too much to ask for a brief "actually I can't do it" message? Am I wrong for asking for that little piece of respectful communication? Am I wrong for being a little angry? Can I be angry that you did what I encouraged you to do? Are you okay? Did something happen?I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I hurt and I'm so goddamn tired of hurting.

I hope your trip home was filled with happiness and I hope you had all the support for dealing with the grief that I'm sure cropped up. I hope you stay okay. And I forgive you.

I don't know how I am. But I know that whatever I am, I am content, if not enthused, to know you've kicked the habit. And accept my loss if that's what it took to get you to where you are. I never had any doubt that you would one day triumph as you have.

I no longer write poetry. I struggle to play guitar. Emotionally, mentally, not physically.

I've finally graduated college with a degree in political science. I have no solid career prospects.

I am alone. I struggle to let people in and those who may think to consider me a friend know, in reality, very little about me. I don't let them in as much as I should. I've never really recovered from losing the two women I loved the most.

I'm funnier now. Sardonic mostly. I'm not as angry or temperamental as I used to be. I haven't struggled with suicidal thoughts for many years now.

I am okay. I am not okay. It's contradictory, but it works.