she’s my priestess, i’m your priest

But when admissions of love spill relentlessly from your lips, Ellie can’t help but feel like the girl that she was a few years ago–the one that could barely string together an intelligent sentence while in your presence. 

Case in point–you wanted to get drunk in a shitty dive bar, or spend the night dancing at a club? Ellie was there. 

And Ellie was there, as in currently–as in she had even changed from a hoodie, to a flannel when you had declared that you needed a night away from your laptop and the reminders of the existence of deadlines. 

You were missing her at your side though, as you had ventured into the bar bathroom alone–something that was out of the ordinary for you. Normally your girlfriend always went with you–buddy system, safety in numbers and all that–and also so that you could chat away with her when the lines were too long. You weren’t even entirely sure why you had come to the bathroom alone this time… something about the bar being crowded tonight and you didn’t want to risk your spot getting taken, or something. Ellie was holding it down for you. 

Still, as you stumbled out of the stall and toward the sinks and mirrors, you felt a sharp pang of longing as your gaze landed on a small group of girls–laughing in an unfiltered manner and taking selfies in the corner. You knew that Ellie was only several feet away, and you would quite literally be seeing her again in a matter of seconds. It’s not like the two of you had to be attached at the hip, but the very fact of the matter was plain and simple–a drunken bathroom trip was no fun without your girlfriend. 

As you washed your hands, you met your own gaze in the bathroom mirror. The world around you felt as though it were on a three second delay, and you could hear the music booming from beyond the bathroom. 

There was no tiny bar filled with older men and country music tonight–you had gone just a bit out of town to find a place that better suited your age demographic. It was louder, darker, more crowded. 

You blinked at your reflection, eyes glassy from the drinks that you had so far consumed throughout the night. Your thoughts shifted to Ellie, and an automatic smile tugged on your lips. You knew that she was sitting alone, waiting for you, so you hastily dried your hands. 

Feeling just a bit uncoordinated and weighted, you pushed through the bathroom door with your elbow, and were greeted by the loud atmosphere washing back over you at once. Whatever upbeat song was playing just served as fuzzy background noise as you focused on making your way through the crowd to return to Ellie. You were eager for her–drunk and wanting to tug gently at her freckled cheeks, to watch them tint pink under your touch.  

Despite not catching sight of her just yet, your smile remained at the mere thought of her. When your gaze did find her across the bar, your heart thumped with affection. 

Ellie was on the other side of the bar and sitting at the small table that the two of you had previously claimed upon arrival–exactly where you had left her. She was sipping a beer, her flannel sleeves rolled up just so, her tattoo on display. She was squinting a little due to the dim lighting, and she was… 

Talking to someone? 

You paused your steps, craning your neck slightly as a small group of people were standing in the way, nearly blocking your path and your ability to see. The corners of your lips twitched, your brain seemingly unable to decide whether you should smile or frown. 

There was a girl lingering near Ellie, leaning casually against the table–your table–as she spoke. You couldn’t hear anything, obviously, due to the loud sounds around you. You could, however, see the way in which the unfamiliar girl cocked her head to the side when she spoke to your girlfriend. You could see her adjusting her top, fluffing her hair, and smiling as Ellie had responded to whatever she had said. 

You gave a slight shake of your head, almost feeling tempted to pull out your phone and record the moment to save it as evidence… because Ellie was oblivious. She never seemed to grasp when she was being flirted with–could hardly comprehend it even when it was blatantly spelled out for her. The two of you had danced around each other for so long before finally getting together, due to the fact that you had been too shy to make a move, but Ellie had clearly been determined not to ruin the friendship. You finally had to get the guts to make the move, which had obviously turned out for the best. 

Admittedly, you were a little amused watching the scene unfold from where you stood. You felt slightly bad for your girlfriend, knowing that she was probably feeling awkward… but still. 

The other girl–the stranger–shifted her standing position so that she could be a bit closer to where Ellie was sitting, giving up good posture in favor of leaning closer toward Ellie. 

Amusement still lingering, you expected to see Ellie shift awkwardly in the wooden chair, or to start scanning the bar in an attempt to look for you. 

But she didn’t. 

A crooked smile appeared on Ellie’s lips. She leaned back comfortably in her chair, knees spreading as she took a slow sip of her beer, her gaze locked with the other girl’s. 

Your smile faded. With your stomach suddenly giving a weird lurch, you stood still and analyzed… whatever that was. 

It’s just that Ellie looked comfortable, which was out of the ordinary for her in an environment like this. She didn’t really love attention from strangers, but Ellie tilted her head to mirror the other girl, the two of them suddenly laughing. 

Right. Okay. 

You swallowed hard, unable to determine if you felt a little too drunk now, or too sober. Because the girl only seemed to be standing closer and closer, and Ellie’s knees continued to spread to make more room for the girl. That girl didn’t need that much standing room–not that close to your girlfriend, at least. 

The song playing within the bar changed, causing an energy burst throughout a nearby group of girls. One of them accidentally bumped into you and apologized, but you didn’t respond–didn’t even attempt to mutter anything in return, because why was Ellie holding such intense eye contact with that girl, even as she continued to take slow sips of her drink? 

You felt uncomfortable watching. Maybe it was just because you had too much to drink. Or maybe it was because you’ve never seen Ellie so at ease while speaking to a stranger before. Maybe it was because the girl invading your girlfriend’s space was pretty–like… belonging in a Miami club instead of a random, shitty Wyoming bar. Her clothes fit like a glove, and her hair wasn’t even frizzy despite the warmth inside of the bar. 

You were secure within your relationship. It was solid. But something within you rapidly began to ache as Ellie made no effort to put any distance between herself and the girl, even as she reached out to adjust the collar of Ellie’s flannel. 

Ellie could be oblivious about flirting advances, but she wasn’t stupid. 

You hesitated, morbidly curious to continue to watch the interaction unfold, despite the fact that your palms were starting to sweat. 

The unfamiliar girl reached out an apparently very confident hand, and you stretched your neck just in time to see her trace her fingers along Ellie’s tattooed forearm. Ellie did not lean away from the touch. Instead–crooked smile still in place–she lifted her other arm, casually wrapping it around the girl’s waist and tugging her just the slightest bit closer. 

You could’ve been sick on the spot. 

You had been gone for maybe five minutes. Had you been forgotten that quickly? Or did Ellie just simply not fucking care? 

Head dizzy with alcohol, disgust, and upset… you stared at the sight of the two girls chatting and laughing as if they had even actually known each other–until your eyes started to go blurry. Ellie never even glanced in your direction, didn’t notice that you had returned from the bathroom and were standing just several feet away. If she caught you in her peripheral, she didn’t seem to care. Her green eyes remained locked on the girl standing directly in front of her, while your eyes started to sting.  

══════════════

Ellie slept peacefully, without any guilt. Her arm was slung around you, her chest pressed against your back. 

You, on the other hand, were having a fitful sleep. Your mind was filled with images of Ellie’s smile–your girlfriend’s smile–directed toward another. You saw flashes of her hands that you absolutely adored–and admittedly worshipped–reaching for some random girl’s waist. 

You were barely conscious, but you had a lump in your throat. Too upset to stay asleep, you started to stir. 

The first thing that you actually registered was Ellie’s nose against your shoulder, and her arm around you. Just like it had been around that girl. Still in that hazy space of existence between sleep and wakefulness, your elbow and leg both shoved backward. 

“The fuck?” Ellie rasped, jolting out of her peaceful slumber due to the sudden jab. 

You didn’t acknowledge her, and instead curled into yourself. 

“Why the fuck did you– Hey?” Ellie managed, her voice low and slightly hoarse with exhaustion. The bedroom was dark and her eyes weren’t adjusted, but her gaze shifted to your form anyway. Ellie propped herself up on one elbow, squinting to look at your back. “Babe. What the hell?” 

You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to rid yourself of the hazy images dancing throughout your mind. Still, you managed one shaky sentence. “I’m pissed at you.” 

Ellie blinked, her eyebrows furrowing. “You’re… what?” 

“I’m pissed at you,” you repeated, your voice slightly muffled by your pillow. 

Immediately, Ellie’s stomach dropped. 

She’s heard you call her annoying through your laughter, and she’s heard you jokingly call her rude whenever she deadpans a joke. But this? Just a blatant I’m pissed at you with no hint of lightness in your tone? Ellie hasn’t heard that before. Hasn’t wanted to hear it, and never wanted to hear it again, quite frankly. 

Ellie was essentially frozen, staring at your back like it could help her figure out the sudden cause of this. She swallowed, her jaw working as she desperately tried to clamp down on every insecurity and fear of abandonment that suddenly seemed to flare. “Why?” Ellie reached out a hesitant hand, allowing it to hover before she rested it gingerly against your back. 

At the question and the gentle touch, you were torn between melting and going rigid. She was so fucking sweet, and so careful when she had to be. And yet, those fucking images– 

“Because. You and this girl, like, laughing… and shit. And touching. And you were drinking a beer, and–” 

Ellie blinked, forehead creasing as she listened to your tired, upset mumbling. “Dude, what the fuck are you even talking about?” 

You huffed, suddenly shifting onto your opposite side so that you could face Ellie. As you did so, Ellie’s hand cautiously left your back. You blinked rapidly, willing your eyes to adjust quickly in the dark. 

Ellie was still propped on one elbow, a concerned expression etched across her features. Eyebrows drawn together, her gaze locked on your face as soon as you had turned to look at her. Ellie hadn't taken down her hair before going to bed, her half-bun barely even existing anymore as most of her auburn strands had slipped away from the hair tie. She looked soft, basically, in a way that made you want to wrap your arms around her and stay like that forever. 

Instead of meeting her gaze, your eyes drifted downward as if to study the faded band shirt that she was wearing. It was so worn, that tiny holes were starting to form around the neckline. 

“You cheated on me,” you finally said, the words nearly getting caught in your throat. Your heart hammered, your body feeling uncomfortably warm with stress and anxiety due to the situation. 

An immediate scoff left Ellie’s lips. “No, the fuck I did not? Babe–” 

“In my dream,” you clarified pointedly, finally meeting her gaze with your own accusing expression. 

Ellie went silent. She blinked once as she stared at you, her lips slightly parted. “Okay?” 

“What do you mean, okay? You cheat on me, and then don’t even fucking show any remorse?” you shot back instantly. The soft sheets pooled around your waist as you sat up, internally feeling much too heated to remain snuggled within the covers. 

Ellie’s expression twisted, like she didn’t know whether to laugh or be annoyed. “Babe, though, I didn’t cheat.” 

You found yourself rolling your eyes before you could even think about holding back the action. “You literally did, though.” 

“In your dream.” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay? So no, I did not.” 

You huffed, fingers twitching with the urge to grasp your pillow and smack your girlfriend with it. “What is your literal problem? You can’t even apologize, or be remorseful?” 

“What’s your problem?” Ellie retorted, nose wrinkling. “You like, elbowed the fuck outta me.” 

Expression faltering, your eyebrows knitted together. “Wait, really?” you questioned, your tone softening. “Did it– Are you–” 

Ellie snorted, shifting to lay back down. “Nah. I’m good. Just scared the shit out of me,” she mumbled, getting comfortable once more as her head rested against her pillow. 

You watched her with a frown, reaching out to nudge at her shoulder. “What are you doing?” 

“Sleeping?” 

“Um, no? Ellie. We have to talk about this.” 

Ellie mumbled something under her breath, her fist raising to scratch at her nose. “Talk about what?” 

“The fact that you cheated?” you said like it was obvious, prodding at Ellie’s shoulder through the material of her shirt. 

Shaking her head slightly, Ellie closed her eyes. “I love you?” she attempted, already feeling the tempting lure of sleep washing back over her. 

With a huff, your hand fell away from her shoulder. “I’m not even joking, El. It was so messed up.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“We were like, at some bar. And I went to the bathroom, but when I came back, you were talking to some girl. And she was like, leaning really close. And I couldn’t see the front of her, but her boobs probably looked great and she was like, right there, and–” 

“Babe–” 

“And she was like, touching your tattoo, and you put your fucking arm around her waist? And you looked really hot, like, how you were sitting, but I was literally gonna throw up because you were just letting her in your space like that, and–” 

“Jesus– Babe–” 

“–lowkey nothing else happened I don’t think, but I honestly feel like you were gonna kiss or something, like, it was like you just forgot about me so fast–” 

When your voice broke, Ellie’s head whipped to look at you. 

“Shit, dude, you’re actually upset?” she asked, sitting up once more and tentatively reaching for you. 

Ellie’s hand landed on your knee–a comforting touch–but you still glared at her. “That’s what I’ve literally been saying,” you said, narrowing your eyes at her. 

“Yeah, but I thought… I dunno, thought you were, like… I don’t know.” 

You let Ellie’s hand linger on your knee, and you shifted to sit a little closer. “It was a bad dream,” you admitted, reaching your hand to rest against the bare skin of Ellie’s knee, too. 

“Stupid fuckin’ dream,” Ellie muttered, studying your expression. She was still torn, slightly thrown off from being woken up so abruptly… and the less than serious nature of it all. Still, how many times had you stayed up with Ellie when insomnia had been–quite honestly–beating her ass? How many times had you talked her down from an anxiety attack? Ellie huffed. “Babe, you know I’d never–” 

“I know,” you mumbled softly, your free hand moving to fiddle with some strands of your hair. “I know, I know, I know."

Ellie’s hand moved from your knee to your back, rubbing slow, soothing circles over your shirt. She still felt the urge to comfort–somehow–despite the fact that she had been… a little annoyed that you were annoyed due to a dream, and caught off guard because of your genuine emotions over the whole thing. “Is there… Did I, like, do something? To make you–” 

“No,” you interrupted quickly, though your tone remained gentle–quiet between the two of you. “It was a stupid dream.” Your eyes tracked your thumb as you dragged it over Ellie’s knee. “Like when you had that stupid dream about me leaving you for the girl from Alien.” 

Ellie had opened her mouth to speak–to provide you with automatic reassurances–but your words made her mouth slam shut. Her brows furrowed, a slight hint of embarrassment pressing at her like a prickle on the back of her neck. “Okay, that’s–” 

“Which one was it again?” you continued, shooting Ellie a curious look. She almost wished that you would go back to accusing her of something over a dream rather than revisit this topic. “Ellen Ripley, or Rain Carradine?” 

Ellie exhaled, her hand slowing to a stop against your back. “Like… either,” she mumbled, avoiding your gaze. Stupid. Embarrassing. Not that Ellie cared. 

Your focus, however, had already been entirely shifted to the topic. “Baby, I’d never,” you murmured, shifting to sit on your knees and reaching for Ellie’s face. Ellie rolled her eyes and tilted her chin away. “No badass Alien character could ever replace you. You’re just as cool. Even cooler.” 

“Uh huh,” Ellie remarked dryly, pulling her arms away from you and shifting slightly, just barely escaping your attempts of touch. 

Barely deterred, you grabbed Ellie’s hands. “You could totally fight aliens.” 

“I’d be the alien killing master. Any sort of monster, or whatever, honestly. I’d be a pro. Like, imagine me killing–” 

“Stop. I don’t even want to have to think about you being in some, like… horrible, scary world–” 

Ellie pulled her hands away from your grasp, one of her knees digging into the mattress as she shifted to face you. “I thought you were pissed at me, though?” she muttered dryly, cupping the sides of your face. 

“Less than pissed, now,” you murmured, your gaze flickering back and forth between Ellie’s eyes. 

Ellie’s response to that was a wordless one. She leaned over you, pressing a firm kiss against your lips while simultaneously guiding your form down, your back cushioned by the soft bedding once more. Ellie made herself sturdy, her other leg positioning between your thighs. Not pressing–but there. You melted in delight, fingers moving to gently tangle within her auburn strands. You broke the kiss with a laugh, however, when the hair tie that had been practically holding on for dear life slipped away from Ellie’s hair and into your grasp. 

Lips tugging upward at the sound of your amusement, Ellie pressed a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth before pulling away. She flopped onto her back with a tired groan, which earned another laugh from you. 

“You sound so ridiculous, you know that?” you jokingly chided, turning your cheek against your pillow to look at her. Your shared bedding was cozy–mismatched patterns of shades of green and florals that just seemed to work. The sheets were now twisted around your legs. “You make fun of Joel whenever he does the whole grunt and groan thing when sitting around, but you kinda do it, too.” 

Ellie wrinkled her nose, mirroring your action by turning her head to look at you. “Don’t compare me to Joel,” she grumbled. Despite the quiet complaint, she shifted onto her side–so you did the same. 

Practically nose to nose, you studied each other. Your smile lingered, all soft and faint with a tired sort of fondness–nightmare be damned. Ellie’s expression held a trace of concern, though. Her teeth pulled at her bottom lip. 

“You’re so fucking pretty, it’s unfair,” you whispered. 

Ellie nearly snorted. “Says you.” She almost hesitated, her hand seeking out your skin. She rubbed her palm over the expanse of your arm–from your shoulder down to your wrist, back and forth. “Hey. You know I’d never actually… right? I’d never do something that fucking dumb, like–” 

“El, I know,” you replied, lifting your leg slightly to hook it around her. “And Rain Carradine could never be you. The similar hairstyle doesn’t mean anything, truly. I’d choose you any day.” 

“Wow. Thanks, babe. You’re so sweet.”

 Despite Ellie’s dry tone, you caught the curve of her smile before she ducked her head, her lips lazily getting busy against your neck. Your eyes fluttered shut, a quiet hum escaping you. Gone were the lingering feelings of unease, the impact of your dream. The images grew hazier as they faded, replaced by the very real feeling of Ellie mouthing at your skin. 

“And,” Ellie pressed on, speaking between each kiss that she planted against your neck. “I could do the whole Alien thing, or whatever. Yeah? Right?” 

You feigned a groan, though the sound came out much too brightly due to your amused, affectionate smile. “Ugh, you’re so annoying–”