It's not like this blog has attracted virtually any attention so I don't know what good it is posting here, but I feel a little guilty saying nothing at all when the least I could do is leave a sort-of farewell note explaining why I'm not around.
Uh basically I'm very done with writing. I owe thousands of words to various commissioners, and I still intend to get that work done, but beyond that, I'm not going to waste any more of my time writing stories. The whole endeavor has plainly not been worth it, all the stress of a second job but with a fraction of the pay, so I'm just going to stop.
And really, it hasn't been about the money. I've always undersold myself because I know the true value of writing as a job is worth extremely little, and that most of writing is based on passion. What I've strived for previously was not to make a lot of money or a living off of writing, but to simply put stories out and have them be read. What I desired most was feedback -- not necessarily criticism, but literal feedback, any signal or indication that people are reading my stories, that these stories affect people and that they're happier having read them. But for years none of my stories have been getting noticed, certainly not enough attention to merit months of work or even the amount of effort it takes to upload and advertise a story on social media. You can see how a vast majority of my uploads here on this Tumblr have 0 notes. On Twitter, I was lucky to get two or three likes from some of my regular followers that habitually liked anything I posted. I go to my Patreon stats and see mere double digits of anyone even clicking the damn links. So this main goal of mine, to simply have my stories be enjoyed, is utterly failing.
The reality is that I am not a good writer. If I was a better writer, I'd see more success -- my momentum from Endless would have continued for a little more than just a couple months of attention. Even Endless itself was a strike of luck, because the only reason that story saw so much success is because it got stuck on the first page of giantessworld.net so it got a disproportionate amount of notice. Maybe this wouldn't bug me so much if I didn't see other writers of varying skill levels doing much, much better than me with regards to social media interactions -- blogs that have existed for days get triple digit notes, blurb-sized fetish writing tweets that get shared by dozens of accounts, etc. Clearly there's a right way to do these types of things and I've just been doing them wrong lol.
Not helping whatsoever is how anti-erotica every social media seems to be. And I do mean erotica specifically. Obviously you can find tons of outright porn here on Tumblr or Twitter or basically where the fuck ever. But an account that just posts writing? Weird fucked up niche writing about fetishes? With NO pictures??? The algorithm simply will not allow it. I'm constantly under pressure to have to expand my skillset to include abilities I have not honed, leaving me with the option to either learn how to draw myself (basically taking on a third job so I can practice an art craft i don't even want to be practicing just so my main craft can get non-fucked by an invisible intangible algorithm) or, my favorite, ~hire an artist~ to make images for me so that I can at least pretend it's my writing that people enjoy and not the actual art I had to pay someone to make.
To top it all off, I just don't feel like writing any more. I've been writing giantess stories nonstop for five years and I'm basically done with it. I haven't had any ideas that genuinely interest me, no inspiration to create, everything feels like it's either been done before or it's trying way too hard to be an original concept for a size setting. More than just a case of writers block, I really don't feel joy from writing anything. On a technical level, all I can imagine is the silent criticisms, people cringing at my writing but never explaining why it's bad, because again, none of my stories ever receive any category of feedback, so I'm left wondering completely how people felt any way about a project that took me months to finish. I just have to assume that if no one is saying anything, it must be because there's nothing good to say about it; I see all sorts of dumpy little comments on other people's publications, but I get zero, implying something critically wrong with my art compared to others.
Eventually, the goal is to close the Patreon, the discord, and all other accounts -- probably only once I've caught up on all commission work and can just deactivate peacefully. By then I hope to have at least uploaded or re-uploaded everything I've written onto some place for record purposes, maybe ten years from people will feel like reacting to my writing lol. Until I fully deactivate, expect me to be basically gone, I won't be taking any extra work and won't be checking messages. I hope some of you enjoyed what I made. Thanks for reading.
