CuriousMind

For some ABDLs, this is just a sexual fetish where they’ll wear once or twice a week for sex and that’s it. However, for the majority, it’s much more than that and you’ll know this if your partner wears a diaper outside of sex-oriented times and especially if they talk about how diapers make them feel better/happier and less stressed/anxious.

Realizing that this was more than just a fetish for my boyfriend was a big turning point for me and I made the decision that I wanted to help him accept and embrace who he was rather than him being ashamed. The mental health improvement for him of me doing this was greater than I could have imagined and is the main driver why I produce this content to try to help others.

The vast majority of ABDLs struggle with the feelings of shame and fears of their secret being discovered which often develop from childhood and their early teenage years. This comes from a general lack of acceptance of non-conformist lifestyles and it’s although it’s something we’re seeing change positively for LGBTQ+ people, widespread acceptance of ABDL is still a while away. This shame causes stress, anxiety, binge/purge cycles, and other mental health issues.

The crazy thing is ABDL is in no way “bad” or “wrong”, they have a preference to wear a different type of underwear which makes them feel better and enjoy not having to use dirty toilets all the time. Some might also like acting younger to destress or like the feeling of being forced to wear/use diapers. But crucially none of this has a negative impact on themselves as they aren’t causing harm to their bodies (unlike alcohol, fast food & drugs do) or harm to others around them. Equally wearing diapers isn’t even at all uncommon in the general population, in most western countries more adult diapers are sold than baby diapers now and it’s estimated that up to 10% of adults are wearing some sort of incontinent product on a daily basis.

I believe strongly that you should treat this as being part of their identity and not something that should be restricted, shamed, or avoided. 

A big challenge for partners though is because of this shame and feeling of guilt your partner is likely hiding some or all of their real identity from you. 

Discovering their true identity

Below are the key and common elements to ABDL identity and hopefully the questions under each section should help you identify which applies to your partner. You might be able to ask these to yourself but also don’t be afraid to directly ask your partner as well.

Diapers

Do they enjoy wearing adult diapers?

Does wearing diapers make them feel safer or more comfortable?

Are they less stressed or anxious when wearing diapers?

If nobody would find out, would they always wear a diaper?

If they’ve answered yes to 2 or more of these then it’s clear that wearing diapers is a key part of their identity.

Diaper usage

Are they happy to wet their diaper at home?

Are they happy to wet their diaper in public?

Are they happy to mess their diaper at home?

Are they happy to mess their diaper in public (as long as nobody is inconvenienced)?

Does the idea of being a bedwetter appeal to them?

Does the idea of being incontinent appeal to them?

These are straightforward but look for signs of hesitation. They might be embarrassed to answer these truthfully, especially the ones about messing so push hard to get an answer and tell they you just want the truth.

Middle Behaviors (4- 12 years old) 

Do they like acting like a child?

Do they enjoy childish activities such as coloring, playing with lego, and watching cartoons?

Do they like to dress in childish clothing such as bright colors & printed t-shirts?

Treat these responses as a way to work out how “middle” they are. Think of this like a spectrum from not a middle at all to they would love to live life as a middle.

Baby Behaviors  (1- 3 years old) 

* Do they often wear baby-themed adult diapers?

* Do they like to wear patterned onesies?

* Do they have or would like to wear other adult baby clothing at home?

* Do they feel more relaxed when sucking on a pacifier?

* If they could choose would they like to drink from bottles or sippy cups?

* Are they able to regress and act like a baby or toddler?

* Do they enjoy watching baby and toddler TV shows?

* Would they like to add AB furniture to our home, like a crib or high chair?

Treat these responses as a way to work out how “baby” they are. Think of this like a spectrum from not having baby tendencies, to they would love to like life as a baby if they could. Most people will be in the middle area of these extremes.

I’d divide this up into 5 levels:

No AB tendencies = answered no to all of the questions

Novice AB = Answered yes to the top two questions and maybe one other question

Intermediate AB =  Answered yes to 4 questions but potentially struggles to regress fully

Experienced AB = Answered yes or potentially to most questions

Full AB = Answered yes to everything

Forced Diapers & Regression

* Do they like the idea of being forced to wear diapers?

* Do they like the idea of being forced to use their diapers?

* Do they like the idea of being forced to be a baby?

* Do they like the idea of being treated as / dressed as a different gender? (e.g. man dressed as a baby girl)

* Do they like the idea of being restrained such as through bondage or locking clothing? 

If they answer yes to a question, ask how often they’d want to feel forced. Is it just occasional or all the the time. It would be quite common for someone to answer they’d like to be forced to wear diapers all the time but only occasionally forced to be a baby.

What’s next?

Asking these questions to yourself or them directly should now give you a good idea of their ABDL identity.

Diaper wearing and usage

Let’s start with the first two sections on diapers and usage. Seeing as you’re reading this I’m sure they answered yes to most of the diaper questions. It’s also likely they like using their diapers for at least wetting.

Given you now know that wearing and using diapers makes them happier you should ask yourself what is stopping them from wearing all the time. The answer is likely a combination of:

* They’re worried you won’t approve

* They feel guilty about having these desires generally

* They feel awkward wearing around you or asking if they can wear 

* They’re worried they’ll be discovered

* They’re in a period of low self-worth after an orgasm

The first three you can solve by actively encouraging them to wear as much as possible, you know this makes them happier and have better mental health so for me at least this was a no-brainer.

The fear of discovery is massively overblown, give them assurance their diaper is hidden when leaving the house and in the extremely unlikely event someone does notice you can easily say their having some waterworks issues. People however unless very close friends or family won’t mention anything.

This final one is extremely common in men and the best way to solve is by making sure either they have no choice but to stay diapered after an orgasm or use a chastity cage to prevent them in the first place. The latter I’ve found to be very helpful for my partner if you’re open to it and it has lots of benefits for you too.

So I overall I cannot recommend highly enough that  you encourage or force your partner to be diapered as much as possible. You might want exceptions for work and family initially but your goal (knowing that the time in diapers helps them) is to keep them diapered as much of each day as feasible.

If they didn’t answer with a hard no to any of the first 4 usage questions, then their diapers should be their toilet when wearing. If they do have a hard limit on messing then that can be accommodated but make sure it’s not just them saying what they think you want to hear.

Regression

If they identify as middle then this is easy to accommodate and just make sure you let them know that you want them to explore this side of themselves and they shouldn’t feel embarrassed to do childish activities at home. Buy them coloring books, lego sets and put cartoons on tv for them without them asking are easy ways to show this support.

Most will have identified with baby activities to some degree. If they’re in the novice or intermediate categories then your main role is to be supportive and encourage them with these simple baby elements. Help them pick out baby-themed diapers for the day or buy new ones online together. At night always have them dressed in a baby onesie and encourage a pacifier to be used before bed. Giving them a nighttime drink in a bottle will show your support and is convenient to drink in bed.

If they’re in the experienced or full ab categories you will need to consider more significant involvement. At these levels you should try help them get into a baby headspace lasting several hours at least 3 times a week. When in this headspace you should treat them completely as a baby, helping feed, check and change them and giving them baby toys or shows to watch. This time will massively destress them so it’s worth the effort. Outside of these times baby clothing and diapers should be the norm at home with pacifier usage encouraged at any time they want. If you have a spare room and can afford it, creating a dedicated nursery for them can be life-changing for them and keep everything in one easy place which can be locked when you have guests.

This might feel extreme to you right now but our experience is people become more AB over time so you should prepare the slowly move up the bands.

Forced Diapers & Regression

I don’t think this element gets talked about enough but many ABDLs are driven by the desire for it to be forced upon them.

If they’ve said they want to be forced to wear and use diapers occasionally then make sure that a few times a week you present them with diapers and tell them they’re in them until you say so. Forcing them to use their diapers can be achieved through making sure they drink plenty and using laxatives or suppositories.

If they have said they’d like to be forced all the time then the solution is clear. Read our article on making the decision for them and return them to diapers full time, make it clear you’re forcing this decision for them as you know it what they want and it will be good for them. They will resist at points but stand firm, they’ll thank you later. 

Even if they’re in diapers full time with no toilet privileges, you should still force them to truly lose control twice a week. I recommend doing one suppository a week; before watching tv or a film together, before sending them out of the house to go shopping or randomly in the daytime when their next change is a few hours away. And also using a tablet laxative once a week which can be given in the evening to ensure they lose control overnight.

Depending on their answer to being force to be baby, use this to dictate the frequency. If occasionally, then a few times a week make sure you treat them as a baby at the more extreme end. For example have an evening where you feed them their dinner while they sit in AB clothes and a thick diaper. Or surprise them with a whole day at the weekend where they must act like a baby.

If they’re like that more permanently, use the same guide as above but make sure they’re always in baby attire at home. You should also seriously consider creating a nursery room if possible.

Gender is easy as if that’s something they want just switch the types of diapers and clothing you buy for them and call them your baby girl, etc.

Bondage elements should generally be included if forced diapers is something they need. At a minimum use restrictive clothing to prevent them from accessing their diapers, rear zipping onesies or all-in-ones are ideal. Even adaptive clothing combined with padded mittens works well. When unsupervised access to their diapers should be prevented where possible and they should get used to asking to be changed or released if they’re changing themselves.

A locking diaper cover or belt is a good addition. Finally, they should experience times when they’re completely restrained and using their diapers is forced upon them. For daytime a straightjacket is ideal and it is perfect to watch TV together or prevent them from using their phone. My favorite is using bed restraints combined with an overnight laxative so they experience a true feeling of helplessness.

Summary

Hopefully this has been helpful and helps you understand what your partner identifies as. If this all feels too much I’d recommend starting with the diaper and usage elements first as this is normally the most important step and then layer in the AB and forced elements over the next couple of months.

I’m also conscious that I’ve likely missed off a big section I should have covered so let me know in the comments.

You have always known. The quiet tug in your chest when you saw them. The pulse of longing that never faded. The way your mind wrapped around the thought of them even when you tried to let it go. You may have told yourself it was a habit, a fantasy, a quirk of your desires. But it has always been more than that. It has been truth.

Diapers are not something you chose. They are something that has always been part of you. Maybe you hid from it. Maybe you tried to push it away, stuffing it into the corners of your life where no one would see. Maybe you spent years wondering if you could live without them, if you should live without them. But the answer was always waiting in the silence.

There is a reason you feel at home when you wear them. A reason you crave their presence, their thickness, their softness, their security. A reason the thought of being without them stirs something uneasy inside you. Because diapers are not just something you put on. They are something you are.

And yet, for so long, you may have resisted. You may have believed the world’s voice over your own. You may have thought that denying this truth would make it disappear. But truth does not vanish. It lingers. It waits. It returns in dreams, in quiet moments, in the way your body aches for what it has always known. The only question is whether you will accept it.

Acceptance is not about giving in. It is about becoming whole. It is about recognizing that you were never broken, never wrong, never something to be fixed. The world taught you to doubt yourself, to second-guess your desires, to believe that something so deep and undeniable must be unnatural. But the world was wrong. There is nothing more natural than aligning with who you truly are.

Diapers are not just an object. They are identity. They shape the way you move, the way you think, the way you feel safe and seen. They are the rhythm of your body, the embrace of comfort and surrender, the language of something deeper than words.

Because diapers are not separate from you. They are you.

So stop resisting. Stop second-guessing. Stop thinking of this as something outside yourself, something you allow or deny. Take hold of what you have always known. Let it settle into your bones. Let it become as natural as breath, as certain as gravity, as undeniable as your own reflection.

Slowly I peek into your nursery and quietly walkover to your crib where you are laying on your back playing with your stuffie. I smile softly as I slip my hand through the crib bars and check your diaper. Chuckling softly at how squishy your diaper is, and quietly whispering,

“That’s mommy’s wittle super soaker.”

Slowly I lower your crib bars making sure you are safe and I slide in next to you.

You turn and nuzzle into my chest and I laugh and say, “baby knows it’s milky time.” Carefully I unsnap my bra as I slip your paci from your lips you wrap your hands around my breast. Teasing my nipple against your lips you open and begin to suckle starting to fill your tummy with mommy’s milk.

Quietly I remind you what a good wittle baby you are for mommy and rub the front of your diaper. Teasing you about now that you are diapered all the time that is where all your cummies go. Forever and always, and never without permission.

You moan and whimper around my nipple pushing your hips up into my hand until I slip my breast from your lips and my hand from your diaper.You whimper and pout because you miss the feel of my hand on your diaper and my nipple in your mouth.

Shaking my head at you I tease your lips with my other nipple and you latch on greedily, wrapping your hands around my breast like I’m going to take it away again.

I go back to rubbing the front of your diaper, smiling as your hips start to push up in a stuttered movement. As you make cummies I whisper in your ear, “remember it’s mommy’s milk in and baby’s milk out.”

You have always known. The quiet tug in your chest when you saw them. The pulse of longing that never faded. The way your mind wrapped around the thought of them even when you tried to let it go. You may have told yourself it was a habit, a fantasy, a quirk of your desires. But it has always been more than that. It has been truth.

Diapers are not something you chose. They are something that has always been part of you. Maybe you hid from it. Maybe you tried to push it away, stuffing it into the corners of your life where no one would see. Maybe you spent years wondering if you could live without them, if you should live without them. But the answer was always waiting in the silence.

There is a reason you feel at home when you wear them. A reason you crave their presence, their thickness, their softness, their security. A reason the thought of being without them stirs something uneasy inside you. Because diapers are not just something you put on. They are something you are.

And yet, for so long, you may have resisted. You may have believed the world’s voice over your own. You may have thought that denying this truth would make it disappear. But truth does not vanish. It lingers. It waits. It returns in dreams, in quiet moments, in the way your body aches for what it has always known. The only question is whether you will accept it.

Acceptance is not about giving in. It is about becoming whole. It is about recognizing that you were never broken, never wrong, never something to be fixed. The world taught you to doubt yourself, to second-guess your desires, to believe that something so deep and undeniable must be unnatural. But the world was wrong. There is nothing more natural than aligning with who you truly are.

Diapers are not just an object. They are identity. They shape the way you move, the way you think, the way you feel safe and seen. They are the rhythm of your body, the embrace of comfort and surrender, the language of something deeper than words.

Because diapers are not separate from you. They are you.

So stop resisting. Stop second-guessing. Stop thinking of this as something outside yourself, something you allow or deny. Take hold of what you have always known. Let it settle into your bones. Let it become as natural as breath, as certain as gravity, as undeniable as your own reflection.

So I just want to make a quick disclaimer at the start. This post is telling you how I, personally, started wetting the bed every night. To my knowledge, nobody else has tried doing this method, and even the people I have shared this with previously who wanted to do it never actually went through with it, so I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who has done this. I tailored this method completely to myself and can’t tell you that this will work for everyone because nobody else has ever tried it. 

Some of you may have originally seen this method on a Wordpress site I made back in 2016, as I uploaded it there originally and it got about 500 views, but because of so many requests, I decided to rewrite it and post it here on Tumblr : )

Scary ominous warning at the start, I absolutely detested the experience of doing this method, and even to this day, I remember how much it fucking sucked. I’m not telling you to do this, this is just what I did and what has made me a permanent, relentless bedwetter for the past almost four years.

In my strong belief, everything about each kind of untraining is hugely mental in nature. There are physical elements to it, like muscle degradation, but like 80% of untraining is essentially just retraining our body and our subconscious mind into accepting and embracing incontinence.

What I did to start bedwetting was kind of prey on and take advantage of my subconscious in a way. 

For a period of about a month straight, and I do mean a month, I drank a lot of water before bed and then went to sleep without a diaper on. As you can probably imagine, all that water before bed caused me to wake up in the middle of the night with a pretty strong urge to go to the bathroom (if you are not a light sleeper, this wouldn’t work). What I did was, instead of wetting myself as soon as I woke up like other guides mention (which would have been a bit unpleasant anyway as I wasn’t wearing diapers), I made myself get up and walk to the bathroom to use the toilet instead, every single night. 

I’ll tell you right now, doing this for an entire month was literally one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had in my entire life. I was constantly losing sleep and was constantly tired every day because of how interrupted my rest was, but I guess the reason I stuck with it was because I was pretty fucking hardcore about wanting to be a bedwetter at the time.

Finally, after all that, the end of the month came, and I introduced diapers to my probably completely exhausted and unhappy subconscious as an easy out to its current predicament. For those unaware, our subconscious mind will pretty much do anything it can to avoid pain or discomfort, and it will do everything it can to use as little energy as possible in running the body.

On that first night after the month of hell, I wore diapers to bed.

Like before, I drank a lot of water before going to sleep, and also like before, my body woke me up with a very full bladder. What was different this time though is that instead of making myself get up and walk all the way to the bathroom to use the toilet, I just let my bladder go and very happily wet my diaper while still laying in bed, before going back to sleep. 

The next night I did the same thing again. I drank a lot before going to sleep, and I wore a diaper to bed. This time though, I didn’t wake up during the night at all. I awoke actually feeling pretty refreshed for once, which in itself was a relief because I’d gone so long waking up exhausted, but that wasn’t the only thing that had happened. My diaper was completely soaked when I woke up.

This was the turnaround point in my nighttime incontinence. I had put my body and mind through hell for an entire month, before showing them both that there was a much easier way to deal with the problem than waking me up. 

From that day onwards, I started waking up wet more and more. I was still having dry nights here and there to start with, but as my body kept learning and kept finding no problem in making me wet while still asleep, it kept happening again and again. 

Over the course of months after that day, my body got fully in the habit of making me a complete bedwetter, because why would it ever wake me up when it was so much easier to just make me wet myself in my sleep? I went from three to four wet nights a week to it being incredibly strange to wake up dry even once or twice a month. I even had to get thicker, more absorbent diapers because my body just stopped holding anything back, and it wasn’t uncommon at the time to wake up in a leaking diaper in the morning. 

Morning Milkies 🥺😚

We have been absent from the scene for a bit, both on here and in our day to day life. Life just gets in the way sometimes! We’re trying to find our way back, pinky promise!