Food from Greasy's Diner

Ingredients:

1 cup peanuts, shelled

1 egg white

1 Tbsp caramel sauce * (recipe at the end)

popcorn salt

First, warm up yer oven to 300 F. Then throw the peanuts in a small bowl with the egg white and caramel sauce, and toss ‘em around til they’re good and coated. You can use store bought caramel sauce for this part (if you’re made of money), but the ingredients are cheaper and it’s pretty hard to screw up. I’ll let ya in on the secret recipe at the end.

Now, take the peanut mixture and spread it out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake for 25-30 min, or until dark gold. Yer gonna want to keep an eye on ‘em, sugar burns pretty fast, so don’t get distracted watching Ducktective, or something.

Sprinkle with popcorn salt, and let cool.

No matter what you do, they are going to stick together like Carla and that hippie with the guitar. But now that they’re cool, you can get revenge! Crumble the pieces in your fist, and watch them fall apart.

Then eat ‘em! Or, you know, store ‘em in an airtight container.

*Caramel Sauce Recipe

Ingredients:

1 1/3 cup sugar

juice of half a lemon

1 Tbsp butter

7 Tbsp heavy cream

In a small sauce pan, mix sugar and lemon juice. Then set the spoon down, and leave it there! You aren’t gonna need it until the next ingredient goes in the pot, so don’t touch it!

Okay, so melt it gently over medium heat, and bring it to a boil. You want it to stay at the soft ball stage. This means when you take a little and cool it down (a quick blast under running water works here) it should generally keep it’s shape. Feel free to nick a candy thermometer from a nearby grandma, if accuracy is that important to you. Yer lookin’ for about 235 F, so don’t let it get higher than that.

Let it simmer until it looks like the right color. We’re making caramel, here, so...caramel color.

Stan is stunned for a moment. Jesus, kid. You are one of the nicest people he ever met, great with the kids, patient with his brother, and never once made him feel stupid, or guilty about his past. Heck, here you are waking up early to bake pie for everyone. Or, come to think of it, did you ever go to bed in the first place? Aw, man. He felt like shit. How did he not see this?

       You stalk across the kitchen to toss the bloodied paper towels away, reserving the one clutched savagely against the cut in your hand. Stan clears his throat, and shuffles forward, calmly taking your place in front of the cutting board. He feels your eyes on the back of his neck, but you don't make any move to stop him, so he does his best to copy what is already in the bowl. He keeps waiting for you to interrupt, to insist on doing it yourself, but you don't say a word. If that's the way you talk to yourself, he's grateful. It breaks his heart.

"What do I do next?" he rubs the back of his neck self consciously. "Stancakes are about the best thing I can make."

He ventures a smile, part goofy, part hopeful. You stare at him a moment too long, and his ears go pink. Stan starts to worry he did something wrong; maybe he should have left you alone, he never was good at this stuff.

"...There's some dough resting in the fridge. You need to roll it out."

Relief floods his face, and he turns to the fridge, missing your hand hastily rub across your eyes. Stan rummages around in the fridge until he finds it wrapped neatly on the bottom shelf. You perch on the edge of a chair at the kitchen table, back stiff, posture unsure.

"Don't, uh, mess with it too much. Your hands can melt the butter." Your voice is shaky, but evens out as you focus on teaching Stan what to do.

Under your guidance, Stan actually proves to be a good student. He's tentative, but determined to at least try. The pastry is rolled out, neatly placed in the pie pan he didn't know he had, and filled heaping with apples. The top is rolled out same as the first, and placed with gentle apprehension over the filling. You sneak a look over his shoulder to check on his handiwork, and he clears his throat, explanation ready on his lips. Look, he knows it's not great, but...he didn't have a good excuse. Heat flushed his cheeks and his hand rose to knead at the back of his neck. It felt like being in school again having to explain why he didn't do the homework, why he couldn't understand the subject when his brother got it just fine. His eyes fall, the floor suddenly fascinating. You smile quietly, give his shoulder a playful nudge, and turn the oven on. Leaning a hip on the counter you cock your head, and give him an assessing look.

"Think your ready to learn the secret of beautiful pies?"

He falters. He did okay up to this point, at least he thought so. You corrected him one or two times, but you didn't say he messed it up yet. Nothing like how you berated yourself earlier. Honestly, he wouldn't have minded if you did. If it was you or him, he would be happy to take the heat. But, he really didn't want to disappoint you.

"I-I don't--"

"Please, if my dumb--if I can handle it, I'm sure you can. You already proved how good you are with your hands."

He flashes a quick smile. Catching your self correction.

"You ain't seen nothing yet, toots. Lay it on me."

Ingredients:

2 eggs

3 Tbsp strong coffee

1 Tbsp cream

Filling:

1/4 cup hashbrowns

3 Tbsp belle pepper, chopped

1 Tbsp shallot, sliced

1 slice ham, chopped

3 Tbsp mozzarella

First melt some butter in a skillet over medium heat. Then add all fillings except cheese. Basically, you want to get some color on the vegetables, anywhere between golden brown and charred is good. Dump them on a plate.

Get a small bowl. Add eggs, coffee, and cream. Now beat it! Make those eggs spin! Spin!

Melt some more butter in the same skillet, and pour in the eggs. Now push the eggs around a little, like you think the order said scrambled, but then stop because you remember that it actually says “omelette.” This adds some extra height to your omelette. Sprinkle on a pinch of salt.

Dump your all fillings on one side of the omelette, add the cheese this time, and shimmy your spatula under the half without filling. Now flip! If you’re worried about the inside being too soft, cover the skillet and wait a minute. This will also help the cheese melt.