Pinky & Kinky

Guest post by Erin Relford appeared as part of Bitch Flicks theme week on Sex Positivity.

If TV shows were lovers, I’d argue women haven’t had great sex since Sex and the City. Much like your first time and the strategically latent mile markers you’ve placed on partners since then, you know good sex when you encounter it. From a woman’s point of view, good sex is control without judgment, a convergence of discovery, submission beyond fear, and a jungle gym full of toys where choice puts you in the driver’s seat (debauchery being an optional passenger of course). 

Considering Sex and the City TV’s certifiable rubber stamp of good female sex, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda echoed the tales of countless women, giving ode to the free missives of womanhood and female prowess. The lessons in relationships, the selfish romps of good delight, all were reasons to shout “yes, yes, yes” by virtue of sex positivity.

So why then has good female sex gone missing from television? Arguably, cable and broadcast networks have shared in their ill-fated attempts at sexploitation, mostly at the expense of women. The proof is in the pudding or pootnanny in this case. Showtime’s Californication led seven seasons of “accidental cunnilingus” and sapless sucking, while Ray Donovan’s no frills 1-2-3 pump action has left Showtime’s female audience high and dry. HBO’s Ballers is a good time in the sack, if you’re a woman willing to suffice with balls of dry humping and no “Mr. Big” (par for the course Dwayne Johnson).

Lest one forget HBO’s seduction of rape and torture porn, Game of Thrones’ female characters experience it all in guile of good TV. These depictions aren’t to suggest the storytelling behind such shows are short of genius, but remiss of variety. The female sex narrative has been relegated to an industry turned tits for trade commonwealth, a vulva and violence republic.

Sex is an inalienable right, sacred and undeniable, an equal opportunity employer that does not discriminate in its pursuance of life, liberty, and rapture. The privilege is everyone’s to be expressed as a declaration of independence and therefore should be engaged from the perspectives of both men and women. On the contrary, the Declaration of Independence was written “that all men are created equal,” yet our stories involving sex are still being viewed from the perspectives of men.

The equality of men and women on the basis of healthy and consensual sex is sex positivity according to the Women and Gender Advocacy Center. Thus, to desire sex positivity is to be inherently feminist.

However, let’s not be haste and expel the idea sex positivity has gone hiding into the forests of Westeros. Evidence exists that sex positivity is flourishing in light of TV’s new golden era and new wave of feminism. It’s come in the embodiment of female sex appeal, the brand of woman that is fabulously fierce, yet deliciously palpable. The fire of Daenerys Targaryen, the tenacity of Brienne of Tarth, or the inexplicable “Stark” of Arya and Sansa are all due a conceded applause thanks to Game of Thrones portrayal of strong, bountiful female characters. Scandal’s Olivia Pope earns top brass for her bastion of prose and breastwork, delivering willful rhubarbs to Washington’s elite though judged often and tenaciously for her challenge to disbelief that women can command power and pleasure in it from the highest tent pole in the land.

Alicia Florrick’s beau Will Gardner may be gone, but her sense of smart and sexy is almost too naughty for CBS’ The Good Wife.

And dare not forget the women of USA Network’s Suits, led by the strut, poise, and pivot of the inimitable Jessica Pearson.

Suffice to say there are many Masters of Sex on television, but does women’s exploration of sex on television have to be justified in pioneering scientists? Can the enjoyment of love and lust be equal parts man, equal parts woman? Not so, according to the 2015 Writers Guild of America TV staffing brief, where women remain underrepresented among staff writers by nearly two to one.

All things being equal, one could satiate in the fact women being 50.8 percent of the US population, would also mean a majority of female driven TV programming, written by women. But the reality is, most female characters are written by men. Some exceptionally well, as in FX’s You’re The Worst where creator Stephen Falk gives equal Judas Priest to the sexes or Darren Star’s Sex and the City. But there are more than 31 flavors to cherry popping ecstasy as proven early on by Ilene Chaiken’s The L Word. Perhaps one of the more prevailing scapes into female intimacy and feminism, The L Word managed to be intriguing and vanguard, paving the way for shows like Orange is the New Black where women could be domineering and emphatic, let alone in control of their very naturism as on Girls.

In an age of digital storytelling, where men still dominate culture and the writer’s room, we can continue to look forward to Pussy Galore.

Meanwhile, feminists and female viewers alike will revel in the Lisbeth Salanders, Olivia Popes, and Mary Janes, persevering far and wide in search of the next big “O,” that is open, outstanding, and out of the ordinary television that engages women from the female point of view. Will there ever be great sex on TV for women?

The answer may befall in there’s simply more to come…

It’s my fault. The Facebook post said, “Here’s the video of our engagement proposal.”  I sat and watched this man serenade his woman into a “yes” and gagged the whole time.  It was hate.  Pure, unadulterated hate hate hate.  The smug on my face couldn’t be happy for the girl who just got the dream of a lifetime, a man who wanted to love her forever... or at least for the next few years.  I’m no different in my wants.  I’ve been single for the last 5 years (yeah I’ve dated a few), but have been without a real love for a-----------------while.

Just the day before, I was sitting at the pool, feeling the summer breeze at my back, engaging sunshine to feed my energy to write a love story.  I was focused, poised to at least reach page 100 of my novel when the half Liberian, half Pakistani walked up.  Damn!   He was fine and had engaged me before with no makeup, and a moo moo and STILL he had given me his number.  So I told myself, “be cool.”  Although, you’re out here looking like an unshaven polar bear (AGAIN) you can do this.  I hadn’t called him or bothered to return his calls so I was prepared for the tongue lashing I was about to receive.  Cool as a cucumber I sat, until Mr. 238, the guy living in apartment 238 that is, showed up with no shirt on.  I knew him too, all too well during an encounter when I first moved in and he invited me to try one of his grilled steaks.  I never took him up on his offer either.

I am a writer on a mission in Los Angeles.  I was NOT going to let the men in my apartment building stop me from being great!  But still I couldn’t deny the fact that I’m single and wanting....

So I dashed, as FAST AS I COULD, back up to my apartment.  A girl ain’t safe outside the confines of her home without makeup and a razor.

The next day I told a married coworker about my encounter and unavoidably received that tongue lashing anyway.  “You playing,” she told me.  “That’s the way it always happens,” she said.  “When you are focused on you, that’s when the men appear.”  Take the wheel Jesus.

“Haven’t you noticed that all the times you were approached by a dude, was when you were focused on you and your business?”  

“Yes,” I replied.  It was true.  It could be a coffee shop, an airport, a beach... I’ve always been approached by men when I was busy doing me.  I even barked at one recently in Houston’s Hobby airport when he disturbed my afternoon feeding session with a good book.   

Again my coworker said, “You playing.”  She went on to describe to me the efforts of dating like mom once described eating my vegetables, “There are certain things you have to do because they are healthy for you.  I don’t like to eat tomatoes, but I eat them because they are nutritious.  You may not like engaging men, but that’s what people do when they want to get married.”