" What's this? the consequences of my actions "

eughh blehh blehhh I'm gonna make a new acct

echo chamber revival who up

I am flipped on my head, falling, tumbling, sinking, into something I cannot understand. dark and thick, although there is light where I have come from, I cannot dream of returning to it now. I am lost. So lost.

I wish you could drown me. plunge me into warmth and emotion and feel as everything spills out of my lungs. pour paint over my head, thick and glossy like every positive word you've said about me, stuck to my throat and keeping me coughing up colour for weeks. I need to be engulfed in something. not flame. I do not have the passion left, there is no spark to spring me into that obsessive frenzy. there is just you and me. you and the cracking of my bones, of the cold stare in my eyes. the quiet but repetitive drip of residue against the floor, pooling beneath me and showing an outpour of colour so vibrant that I only wish it be mine. Take me Whole.

I want you to hold me as tight as you hold your grudges.

I didn't need this tonight. of all nights. of all the times for this to happen. I'm sick of this I'm at my limit I can't take anymore. I can't even get a minute of calm.

I'm so sick of being cold. I'm so sick of the vomiting and the fatigue. I haven't had the energy to shower in weeks and everyone around me is making me feel like shit too. as soon as I'm out of sight they forget me. I'm nothing. always second choice and the one that gets left over. I'm convinced I'm meant to be dead by now.

Resisting the urge to say that I'm going to put your full name and adress on my suicide note every time I feel something that isn't a euphoric high from you.

Honestly I just want to give up. no matter how many manic episodes of defiance to you I have, no matter how much I slit my wrists and try to bleed out every thought I have about you it's never enough. it's so tiring to feel this much. You're so tiring.

So strangely overwhelmed from nothing I just want to sit in the dark and curl up and forget everything for a few minutes I just want to let go of all obligation and just. let myself rest for once. I wish it didn't have to always feel like it was me alone against the world