Includes drug and violence tw, a mix of which muse is the criminal, if not both.

“Your mother would be ashamed of you.”

“C’mon, the cops are stupid, they’ll never catch us.”

“The car’s a piece of junk anyway, they’re not gonna miss it.”

“Carry on the way you’re going and you’re gonna end up in prison.”

“I’m not that much of a scumbag, I don’t steal from old ladies.”

“One last score, then we’re out of the game, what do you say?”

“I’m only doing this because I need to pay my dealer.”

“Prison? Occupational hazard.”

“They pissed me off, I made sure they won’t be walking for a while, no biggie.”

“So you’re a drug runner or a drug dealer?”

“Prison ain’t too bad, you’ve got a bed and they feed you.”

“I get all tingly when you break into cars like that.”

“I do it for the thrill – and to fund my drug habit.”

“Did you kill him/her?”

“I never meant to hurt anyone!”

“I needed the money, what else could I do.”

“We grew up around criminals, of course we became them.”

“What kind of example are you setting for your kids?”

“I grew up, you probably should too.”

“He had it coming.”

“I just gave him his final warning.”

“I’m calling the cops!”

“I’m passionate about two things, bank robbery and you.”

“I’m a street rat, but I’m good at it.”

“Dealing in an alley, classy as ever.”

“If you don’t have my money, you know I’m going to have to teach you a lesson.”

“Bonny and Clyde made this look so much more glamorous.”

“One day we’ll be rich and we won’t have to do this anymore.”

“That’s not your wallet is it?”

"I never loved you."

"You’re the reason they’re dead!"

"It’s all your fault!"

"Who could ever love you…?"

"You’re so stupid. So weak."

"Just go away. I don’t want you here."

Blackmail them

"Who would’ve thought a sweet thing like you would have such a secret?"

"I’ll tell everyone. Scream so loud the country will hear."

"I have a friend with a radio station, you know. Broadcast it all over the city."

"If you want this back, you’ll do whatever I say!"

"Be a good little slave, you don’t want your secret out, do you?"

"I know everything. I can ruin you."

"Beg me, and I might consider keeping my mouth shut."

Interrogate them

"Sing, birdie."

"I know exactly how to make you talk."

"You know some fascinating things, don’t you?"

"I’ll use your greatest weaknesses against you, and you know I know them all."

"I have means of extracting information from you."

"I might play with you a little longer after you’ve talked. You’re too cute."

"You’re tough. But I’ll break you."

Yell at them

"You idiot! You dumbass! You- you fucking moron!"

"You’re absolutely useless, aren’t you?!"

"What the fuck have you done this time!"

"You don’t care about anyone but yourself!"

"You’re not human! You’re a monster!"

"You’re a disgusting little rat!"

"You’ve fucked up for the last time!"

Physically hurt them

"What, can’t take a punch?"

"I’ll kill you!"

"It’s only a scratch, asshole!"

"Don’t move, or I’ll shoot you!"

"I’ll slit your damn throat!"

"Kiss my shoes or I’ll stomp your head in half."

"I didn’t mean to draw blood, but oh well."

"That’s going to bruise."

Torture them… gently

"You want some of this cake? C’moooon, beg for it!"

"Guess what? SURPRISE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!"

"Tickle-tickle-tickle! Kitchy kitchy koo!"

"Whaaaat? Is this yours? You can’t have it back, it’s mine now!"

"I’ll stop singing when hell freezes over!"

"Get in the locker, shorty!"

( text ) : uh, do you have my pants because i have yours

( text ) : let’s play another game of whose boxers are hanging on my fence

( text ) : update. a gay guy just told me that i’m the most beautiful thing with a vagina he has ever seen. how should i feel about this?

( text ) : i’m sorry about all the inappropriate shoe throwing.

( text ) : you killed a bottle of bacardi in 20 minutes. so much for being an organ donor.

( text ) : why can’t burritos get me drunk?

( text ) : i know you’re on a date and i should leave you alone, but about twenty minutes ago, i realized i haven’t been spanked in years so if you’re still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.

( text ) : why is my bath tub filled with mud?

( text ) : i’ve noticed we slowly have begun to phase the “b” out of our bromace.

( text ) : you just jumped of the couch and yelled “hidden tiger crouching dragon!” that’s the answer to how you broke your finger.

( text ) : this is what my life has come to. drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me

( text ) : if i open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.

( text ) : apparently all year, they’ve been using me as a standard for drunkenness.

( text ) : all i’m saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding i wash the stolen dye from his hair. i’m not doing that a second time.

( text ) : i need to stop drunkenly getting naked. i’m losing all my party clothes.

( text ) : please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. i mean he’s the one with paint on his face. i don’t need him judge judying me.

( text ) : sooooo, how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital, but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?

( text ) : hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.

( text ) : so much for not drinking this week after this weekend. congrats, you made it until tuesday.