8teen, wasian, she/her
masterlist !!
rules and reqs !!
almost home
DEAR READER
Keni
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Origami Around
AnasAbdin
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wallacepolsom

Janaina Medeiros


shark vs the universe
d e v o n

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JVL
Sade Olutola
One Nice Bug Per Day
we're not kids anymore.

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@cryptic-doe
8teen, wasian, she/her
masterlist !!
rules and reqs !!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
i think i've finally come to peace w the fact that it's ok if it takes me some time to put out a fic bc at least i'll be happier w it than if i had rushed to put it out
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be a part of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
happy pride month to all of u on here ! while i am not a part of the community, i want to make it known that i love all of u who r, and ur welcome anytime here on my blog (หถแต แต แตหถ) โน๐น
i'm so scared u guys r gonna get mad bc i don't plan on putting smut in my pope cody series... like would r u guys gonna unfollow me and burn me at the stake

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
what's your favourite look of spencer reid? mine's this, from the first season and boyband era
(also i got this wip with college!spencer dusting in my docs that i still hope to finish and post some day๐)
hmm this lowk kinda hard.. i do love me some boy band reid he was so delish ๐คค but i honestly love early seasons reid !! especially s1 bc he was so baby and also s2 (i think it was s2) bc of his lil glasses
Tumblr Blog Termination Warning โ FOR WRITERS WITH TAGLISTS!
Yesterday my entire blog was terminated TWICE without warning by Tumblr while I was tagging the folks in my Pope taglist in the comments. There was no warning, no email. I just hit 'enter' and boom I got the termination notice.
Almost 10k followers and thousands of fics gone in an instant.
I raised a ticket and an hour later the blog was reactivated. There was no info about what I did wrong but an email that said, itโs been reactivated. I still didn't have one that told me why I had been terminated. Two mins later I went back to the taglist and picked up where I left off with the Pope taglist and immediately, as soon as I clicked 'enter' it happened again.
So, I raised another ticket. ย
Itโs my belief that theyโve activated a bot to stop scammers from tagging loads of folks in those โsend me money for fake charityโ posts they do, and unfortunately if you have a big taglist youโll fall into that net too.
Iโm not sure how this effects people who put their taglists in the actual post, but I imagine theyโll also be cracking down on that at some point if scammers start to use that method.
I just wanted to make everyone aware so that what happened to me doesnโt happen to other people.
omg apparently tumblr almost terminated an author's account bc she was tagging ppl in her fic and they thought it was one of those spam accounts.. everyone pray that i don't get got whenever i post the next chapter for my pope cody series.. (โ๏ธตโ)
your inner child is so proud of the writer youโve become
jack abbot x shy!reader
summary: the new nurse in the pitt has caught jacks attention.
content: fluff, hurt/comfort, yearning, protective jack, age gap, miscommunication, slow burn, he snaps at you, descriptions of reader injury/blood, mentions of abuse (patient)
wc: 10.5k
note: this is my first fic, enjoy :))
masterlists
You desperately wanted to make a good first impression on your first shift at PTMC.ย
The universe had a different idea, with your plan actively unravelling.ย
Youโre new to Pittsburgh, and unfamiliar with the notorious unreliability of the public transport system, causing you to be 45 minutes late and frantically running from the nearest bus stop into the emergency department.
This is your worst nightmare. You picture everyone looking at you as you walk in, silently judging. Hating the feeling of eyes on you. Youโre definitely flushed red in the face, your bag being packed to the brim with items you certainly do not need weighing you down, cursing yourself for packing so heavy.
While running through the entrance of the ER, youโre barely looking where youโre going and end up colliding with a chest, solid and unmoving you almost mistake him for a wall. You stumble a little, losing your footing and almost fall backwards over your own feet.
Warm hands on your shoulder steady you, preventing the horrific embarrassment.
โOh fuck, Iโm so sorryโ I didnโt even see you,โ your voice is frantic and apologetic, worried youโve already made an enemy and you hadnโt even started your shift.ย
A deep, gravelly voice cuts through to you, grounding your panicked state.
โHey, kidโ easy, easy. Youโre okay.โ His voice is instantly calming. โYou our new nurse?โ he asks gently, while his hands slip to your arms, fully stabilising you.ย
You settle down quickly, gathering yourself and finally looking up at him, nodding after a while realising he asked you a question.ย
Heโs incredibly attractive.
The first thing that you notice about him is how big he is. Heโs taller than you and so broad, forming a literal wall between you and the ER in this moment, no wonder you crashed into him. He stands so close to you that you have to lift your head to look up at him as he towers over you with a gentle, concerned look. Butterflies twist in your stomach.
You swallow thickly, nerves returning as you realise you probably fucked this impression up by remaining silent and gawking at this man.ย
Collecting yourself, โUhโ yes! Thatโs meโโ you stumble over your words internally cringing, โIโm so sorry about being late, it won't happen again.โ
He chuckles quietly, finding your flustered state incredibly cute, and extends a hand to you.ย
You notice the size of his arms, his veins, his handsโ oh, youโve got to stop thinking like this. Youโre so fucked.ย
โDr. Abbot, nice to meet ya, kid.โ His voice is low and gravelly, stirring your stomach. โBut donโt let it happen again.โ His voice is firm, making your insides flip and guilt rises within you.
โNo, no of course not. I promise. Iโll be 45 minutes early every day!โ Your voice is laced with guilt and you avoid his eyes, whilst shaking his hand, feeling like youโve already failed before starting.
โJesus, kid, breathe.โ He chuckles, mouth twitching in amusement. โYouโre apologising like you hit me with your car.โ He soothes, smirking a little at how easily his teasing had gotten to you.ย
He watches your face fall in relief, and you let out a small, shy laugh. Still holding onto your hand a second longer, it's hard for him not to notice how incredibly soft your hands are in his, how untouched by cruelty, unlike his rough, calloused hands. Something protective stirs in Jack, confusing him, but a drive to keep you safe, keep you soft takes root in him. He needs to ensure this place doesnโt ruin you, doesnโt cause you to burn out like he's seen time-and-time again with nurses and doctors.ย
โIโm really not usually this much of a disasterโ well, most of the time.โ You laugh shakily.
You notice his intense stare, like heโs studying you, makes you squirm under his gaze. Your eyes flick down where your hands are still joined, you notice the sheer size difference, how his hand completely engulfs yours. You go to pull away, when he brings a second hand to cup your hand, completely engulfing it, before he pulls away entirely. Your breath hitches, trying to stave off any completely inappropriate thoughts,
Dr. Abbot tilts his head towards central, signalling to meet him there once youโre settled.
โOhโ and, kid?โ He drawls, eying your bag as you head towards the lockers.
โWe do have supplies here, I promise.โ he teases, but his voice is soft and amused, referring to your massively overpacked bag, watching heat flood your face and you nod, completely embarrassed.ย
Jack watches you scuttle away, shaking his head and chuckling to himself, but his mind is elsewhere, how you were looking at him so shyly, your wide doe eyes ingrained in his mind. Imagining your eyes after kissing you, those eyes looking up at him whenโ Fuck. This is so unlike him.
Approaching central, he sees Lena and Shen talking in hushed voices. He chooses not to entertain their shenanigans, just crossing his arms and staring up at the patient board, but he catches Lenaโs fierce stare in his periphery, alongside Shenโs smirk.
โStay away from my nurses, Abbot. Sheโs clearly a good kid.โ She scolds, her tone firm and motherly. He can feel her eyes shooting daggers at him.ย
Jack doesnโt look away from the board, smirking a little.
โI donโt know what youโre talking about.โ His voice is low and equally amused, shaking his head gently. โJust being friendly.โ
Shen scoffs, โYeah? Friendly? You look like you wanted to eat her.โ
Jack tenses a little going to defend himself before Lenaโs sweet voice interrupts him. She walks past Jack making her way towards you where you had emerged from the lockers and placing a protective hand on your shoulder.
โThere ya are, honey. Iโm Lena, your charge nurse. Cโmon, let us give ya a tour, get a lay of the land, yeah?โ
During the tour, you notice Abbot seems to never stray too far from you. Always directly behind you, his hand hovering over the small of your back whenever the halls get crowded, ready to move you if needed.
Surely it's just friendly, you tell yourself.
You hope otherwise.
โโโโโโโ
True to your words, youโre never late again.ย
Always early to every shift, settled down and working by the time Jack clocks in. But he notices since youโre starting to be early, you get closer and closer with Robby, and it wouldnโt bother him, if youโd at least show the same fondness for him.
Every shift, you avoid interacting with Dr. Abbot at all. You tell yourself it's necessary, you canโt let yourself fall for an attending, despite how flustered, frankly, just warm all over, he makes you feel. You love watching him work, his competency and confidence as he works allures you. Especially in trauma cases, when he barks orders to his residents, you imagine him telling you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, guiding you.
However, during a particular trauma, you were meant to be in the background, watching and learning. But you couldnโt stop watching Abbotโs hands work with such fine precision, the way they flex, the veins popping out. You get lost in your head staring at how big they are, how theyโd feel cupping your face, your neck, inside youโ
Thatโs when you decided, for your own well being, but most importantly your work, you couldnโt be around him.
From then on, if you needed anything, you went to anyone and everyone, to avoid speaking to Abbot. Even if he was right there, and asking if you needed anything, youโd go quiet, and your quiet, meek voice dismisses him, โOh, uh, Iโm okay, thank you.โ Before you turn and scuttle off in the complete opposite direction, towards Shen.
It bugs him.
How you avoid him, how easily you laugh and joke with Robby, or how you always go to Shen for questions or help.
Jack watches right now, as you laugh freely with Robby, gazing up at him as if youโre hanging on to every word. Gazing at him like he hung the moon. He feels an ugly feeling crawling up his throat, and doesn't want to admit jealousy. Heโs not jealous. Heโs not. He simply wishes you'd talk to him, with those wide, round doe eyes, smiling shyly and getting you to fall apart with the simplest of words and touches.ย
Heโs so lost in his own head, he doesnโt notice Robby walking by ready to leave for the day.
โYou got a good one there, brother, might steal her from the dark side if youโre not careful.โ Robby jokes in passing, leaving Jack completely stunned. His eye twitches and his breath stops.
No.
His gaze flickers up to you across the ER, your sweet laugh cutting through the air.
Youโre his.
โโโโโโโ
Admittedly, youโre making it very hard to make you his.
Youโre almost too polite with him. A small, โgood evening,โ greeting when he comes in, a simple, โsee you tomorrow, boss,โ whenever you head out. Youโre impossible to get time alone with.
Every time he catches you walking down the hall, jogging to catch up to you, asking you how your night is, you get all quiet. You donโt even look at him beyond a polite glance, your smile is tight and professional. Nodding before dipping into the closest room to get away.
He sighs, thinking you could be so focused on your work you may not want to entertain small talk. But he knows thatโs not it, seeing how you laugh every time Shen or Ellis make jokes as you walk with them in the hallway.
So he tries to talk to you when youโre not as busy, just charting.
Jackโs leaning against the counter at central, pretending to be looking at the patient board, but his eyes keep drifting over to you, thinking of ways to get you to talk to him.ย
He watches the way you pout while charting, your brows pulled tight in concentration, and has the sudden urge to smooth the crease between them with his thumb. He wants to gently scold you for mindlessly chewing at the tip of your pen whilst you work, to take his hand and brush the hair covering your face behind your earโ
His body takes him over to your desk before his mind catches up with him, a seemingly magnetic pull driving him to your side.
He slots himself beside you, a hand over the back of your chair, leaning down to look at your screen.ย
โOhโ Dr. Abbot!โ you startle, being caught off guard.ย
Your mouth dries and your heart rate ticks like a rabbit, having him so close. His face is so close to yours, you donโt turn your head, you canโt. You can hear his breathing, can smell his cologne at this distance. Your mind reels.
He can smell you too. Caramel and vanilla.
The proximity alone has your stomach flipping, his hand behind you becoming an oddly domestic, claiming gesture. Placing a hand on your back, his voice is gentle, low when he speaks.
โThis is good stuff, kid, keep it up.โ
His praise sends a jolt down your spine and your face reddens instantly. He can feel you twitch under his hand.
You dip your head, hiding your red face and mumble a quick, breathless, โUhโ thank you, Dr. Abbot.โ
He watches you fidget, uncomfortable from the praise. Laughing quietly, before removing his hand.ย
Youโre so shy. Shy with him. Oh.
But then you flee, almost running in the opposite direction, and his mind reels. Maybe heโs read this all wrong.
โโโโโโโ
He concludes after a few more nights of avoidance that maybe you just want nothing to do with him at all.ย
He keeps his distance, returning your polite greetings, but he hates it. The night shift is supposed to flow, be light and less stressful. Jack's spent so long cultivating an environment where people feel free to laugh, ask questions, not be afraid of getting things wrong.
Now youโre here and heโs all confused. He wants you to enter the stream but it feels like wading against a river trying to figure out what to do differently for you.
He decides to just ask. He approaches you during your break one night.
Youโre sat in the break room scrolling mindlessly whilst poking at your food.ย
His quiet, tired voice cuts through.ย
โSโalright if I join ya?โ
Youโd been too tired, too into your phone you hadnโt noticed him come in. Nodding fervently you allow him to sit opposite you, his tone of voice sounding different than it does most nights, almost resigned. You actually look at him properly, concerned.
โListen, kid. I just wanna apologise if Iโve ever done anything to make ya uncomfortable, yeah?โ His eyes meet yours, intense and serious.
You pause.ย
Uncomfortable?
Fuck.ย
You were avoiding him so much he thought you didn't like him, made you uncomfortable. Your eyes widen in panic, head shaking rapidly putting your phone and fork down immediately.
โNo, god, no. Youโve neverโ thatโs not itโโ Stop rambling, you tell yourself.ย Swallowing, taking a deep breath, you realise you need to get over yourself. โMโsorry for the way Iโve been acting. It's not you.โ Your voice is quiet, avoiding his eyes.
He tilts his head down to try and meet yours again, concern on his face. His voice is so soft, when he says,
โYou sure, kid? You can tell meโโ
You shake your head again, cutting him off.
โYou make me nervous.โ You blurt out in one panicked breath. You squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment and literally bring your head to the table, groaning.ย
Abbot lets out a quiet chuckle, amused.
โHoney, hey, look at me.โ He coaxes trying to get you to stop wallowing in embarrassment. โPlease?โย
You lift your head slightly, hands covering your face, peeking at him through your fingers. Heโs smiling, like this is funny to him, like you didnโt completely ruin everythingโ
โSโokay.โ His expression softens, voice gentler now. โYou never gotta be nervous around me, you hear me?โ
Oh.
He misunderstood, thinking you mean nervous of his authority. You can work with that, you havenโt entirely humiliated yourself.
Your hands drop from your face, blush still evident on your cheeks and a shy smile creeps up. You nod in affirmation to his words letting out a deep breath.
โI want you to come to me as well, for anything. Not just Shen, Lena, or Robby. Me.โ His inflection on Robbyโs name confuses you and makes you giggle a little.
The sound awakens something within Jack, without thinking, he leans over placing a hand overย yours where it rests on the table.
โI mean it. Anything.โ
โโโโโโโ
He notices how you donโt run from him anymore, donโt push him away, let him exist within your space.ย
Youโre still nervous most of the time, but you push it away, and heโs proud. He wants you to come out of your shell with him.
One evening, Lena calls you into North 7 for a debridement, knowing how much you love mindless, repetitive tasks. It unwinds your brain, picking out thousands of tiny pieces of gravel and debris from a patient's leg, letting you let go and not have to worry about doing something wrong.
Youโre about halfway through, the only thing heard in the room is the slow hum of the patient's monitor, and Lena tidying up a cart nearby, when you hear the door open.
You frown, not enjoying having been disturbed and the loud, chaos sound of the ER filters through the door. You keep your attention laser focused onto the patient, until you hear his familiar, gentle voice, checking in.
โAll good in here?โย
You hesitate, stopping your motions for the first time since you started, before lifting your head up and looking at Dr. Abbot, leaning against the doorframe. Your breath hitches as you make eye contact, his focus entirely on you, not the patient. His head is tilted, and his eye contact is intense, making you nervous.
Lena scoffs to herself. Checking in, my ass.ย
โMhm.โ Your sweet voice hums in affirmation, the only thing you can manage to verbalise at the moment.
Lena pauses from tidying up the cart, turning raising an eyebrow at you, oh god not you too.
โGood. Can always count on ya to keep things moving smoothly, canโt I, sweetheart?โ His voice is sweet, almost cooing.
Youโre starstruck. Sweetheart.ย
You blink, unable to respond, but heโs already leaving with a smug, self-assured smile like he accomplished his goal. You swallow, unable to stop the smile spreading on your face, ducking your head to hide your flushed, red face from Lena.
Walking down the hall, he recalls how much the praise got to you when he complimented your charting, and watching you now?ย
The knowledge that praise gets to you so much?
Wrecks him.ย
He feels a sense of power, knowing how much he can get you to fall apart from a few words.
โโโโโโโ
The closer he gets, the more he observes your interactions with everyone else. Youโre just as shy and nervous with everyone too. A quiet little thing.
During shift change over one morning, a few night shift and day shift nurses and doctors are gathered gossiping about a particularly rowdy patient you had that night.ย
Youโre off to the side, included, but just about. He notices that's always the position you take, included just enough, but never in the centre, never leading, and never actively involved. He thinks maybe you just like to listen, observe, feeling more comfortable for you like that knowing how shy you are.
He frowns, because the rowdy patient theyโre on about? You were the only nurse working with him. He wasnโt dangerous by any means, he was strapped to the bed. Jack would never let you in a room with a patient thatโs a danger to your safety.ย
But the group were already feeding the rumour mill, exaggerating the patients words and actions. He watches you from the corner of his eye where heโs leaning against the counter with a pen in hand, stopping his writing to watch.ย
He wants you to speak up, correct them, and join in.
He watches your eyes dart around the group, you lick your lips, breathing becoming shallower. Youโre assessing for the right time to jump in. Youโre so nervous to speak up, his heart aches.
And when you try? Youโre so quiet, no one even noticed. Immediately you were cut off.
He watches you blink, swallowing in embarrassment before collecting yourself as if you hadnโt even spoken, smiling along.ย
His heart breaks.
Youโre used to this, being spoken over always happens, youโre just too quiet sometimes, better at one-on-one interactions, not groups. Though youโre a little stung, you push it away, familiar with the feeling. Sighing, you slip into your coat before silently taking your leave.ย
Just before you can head through the exit doors, he catches up with you.
โHold up, kid.โ You hear him jogging slowly behind you.ย
You turn, smiling at him, he can see the tiredness and hurt in your eyes even if youโre trying to hide it.
โYou leaving without saying goodbye?โ he teases lightly, his expression incredibly soft.
You dip your head shyly,ย
โDidnโt think anyone would notice.โ You mumble, trying to laugh it off.
His brows scrunch, a displeased look on his face, almost offended.
โI notice.โ
His words are so final, so real. You just stare at him with a vulnerable expression. His words heal something deep, knowing someone cares about your presence. Youโre speechless.
He places a hand on your back guiding you outside, noticing your hesitance.
โCโmon. Let me walk ya to your bus stop, you can tell me about the rowdy patient, yeah?โย
You nod shyly, trying not to let your eyes well up from his care. Itโs a short distance, the sky brightening as you both walk. Heโs silent and attentive, actively listening to every word you tell him, like theyโre the most important words ever.
When you reach the stop you turn to thank him, but before you can he speaks first.
โHey. Mโproud of ya, for speaking up in there.โ
You give him a little confused look shaking your head.ย
โIt didnโt really feel like I did.โ You laugh awkwardly, embarrassed to revisit the moment knowing he was watching.
โYou did. Iโll always listen, whatever you wanna talk about, yeah?โ Your chest tightens painfully at the sincerity in his voice. You can only nod, suddenly too affected to trust your own voice.
โGโnight, sweetheartโ He drapes an arm around your shoulder squeezing you before letting you board.
On the way home, your head mulls over his words, settling on one detail.
Heโs proud.
โโโโโโโ
Being around Abbot so much recently is fucking with you, to say the least.ย
His constant praise at your actions, you begin expecting and waiting for it. Every time heโs within your vicinity, you wait for his gentle but ragged voice ushering praise.
โGood catch, sweetheart.โ
โDonโt know what Iโd do without ya.โ
โJesus, you really make my life easier, yโknow that?โ
And he always delivers.ย
Aside from the praise, heโs incredibly attentive and observant, knowing what you need exactly when you need it. Encouraging breaks any time he sees you get overwhelmed during the night, telling you to drink water, take a breather.ย
But heโs also so patient with you, like no one's ever been. With him, you begin to unlearn your fear of being judged for saying the wrong thing, acting the wrong way, because he never judges.ย
Tonight is no different.
Youโre in central 7 with Dr. Ellis, with a very panicked, frantic mother and her daughter. Her child is only around 6 years old, clearly withdrawn and quiet. Her mother explains to Dr. Ellis how sheโd been bathing her daughter that evening, when she found a large bruise on the daughterโs back and legs, suspecting her husbandโs abusing her.
You immediately make eye contact with Ellis, silently signalling that youโll call Kiara, the hospital social worker. But before you can step out to do so, a large, loud and drunk man barges through the door, angry.ย
Heโs unsteady on his feet, eyes directly narrowing onto his wife, before pushing past you and immediately going to yell at her.
โYou bitch! You have NO right bringing our daughter here without my permissionโโ He yells spit flying out of his mouth, alcohol clearly on his breath
โSirโโ Ellis tries to calm him down, placing a hand on his shoulder which he shrugs off.ย
โNo!โ He shrugs her off
โYour permission?โ The mother yells back, cutting him off in disbelief. โYouโre laying your fucking hands on my kid and you think Iโm gonna let you be near her?โ Sheโs defensive, shrill, adrenaline thrumming through her.
The yelling gets to you admittedly, youโre never good whenever patients of their families raise their voices. They carry on, Ellis begging for them to keep it civil or he will be removed by security
The door opens swiftly with Dr. Abbot and a night shift security guard filtering through to de-escalate.ย
Drowning it all out, trying to not let it affect you, you turn your attention to the little girl on the bed, all hunched up scared of her parents yelling. You turn her towards you telling her to focus on you. You just try to distract her in any way possible, asking her questions about school, her friends, her hobbies. It works a little, her tiny voice whispering over her parents yells.
The father is finally removed, and the air to the room returns, silence taking over.ย
โItโs alright, youโre okay.โ You comfort the girl placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, testing it beforehand to see if she pulls away.
Jack turns to you then, really looking at you. The way youโre so gentle with the girl, how your focus was on her comfort during her parents screaming match. God, he admires you. But he also picks up on your tense shoulders, the way your breathing is unsettled, your face is tighter than normal.
You step back once the mother sits by the daughterโs side comforting her, you don't realise you walk back into Jackโs hand, which now rests on the small of your back. He leans closer to you dipping down to speak into your ear,
โGo take a breather, yeah?โ His voice is soft, gentle.
You look up at him to convince him youโre fine, you donโt need a break. But the look in his eyes is stern, pleading: do not fight me on this.ย
โโโ
Jack finds you around 5 minutes later in the stairwell, you seem to just be sitting there lost in your own head.
He approaches slowly, groaning as he sits next to you on the stairs, your shoulders touching. He speaks first,
โYou did really well there โ with the girl.โ He nudges your leg with his as he praises you, trying to cheer you up. You can tell heโs looking at you from the corner of your eye but you keep your eyes on your lap. Pedes cases always got to you.
โShe shouldnโt have had to hear that.โ Your voice is quiet, unsteady. Swallowing down the lump in your throat, but the tears build in your eyes anyways. You dip your head down further trying to hide.
โHey, sweetheart.โ His voice softens, his hand settling on your knee. โTalk to me?โ His voice is begging.
You lift your head to look at him, drying your eyes. โItโs stupid, really.โ You shake your head quickly, trying to laugh through it. โI just donโt handle yelling very well.โ
โYeah. I thought so, honey.โ His thumb rubs back and forth over your knee, comforting you. โThatโs not on you.โ His voice is gentler now.
โI feel ridiculous.โ You wipe quickly under your eyes. โI should be able to handle it better by now.โ Insecurity laces your words at breaking down like this in front of an attending.
โNo.โ His response is immediate, firm but gentle. โDonโt start thinkinโ the answer is makinโ yourself colder.โ He aches at the prospect of you removing the brightest parts of yourself, to dim your light to handle the harshness of the world. Absolutely not. He wants to shield you, be the barrier between people's cruelty and your soft, gentle heart.
Your shiny eyes meet his, vulnerability flashing through them. Without even thinking he brings his thumb to brush a stray tear from your cheek. He watches your eyes flutter close and your breath hitching at the gesture, his heart leaping.
โTake as much time as ya need. Come find me at the end of the day, Iโll take you home, yeah?โ His voice grumbles, sending a jolt through you.
Your eyes open ready to protest, you canโt possible accept a ride from him, thats asking too muchโ
โAh, ah, Iโm not taking no for an answer.โ He smirks before standing and heading back out to the ER.
โโโ
Before your shift ended that same day, you had asked Lena to show you how to work the medicine cabinet as youโd had trouble returning a vial earlier in your shift.
The day shift starts to filter through whilst Lena is describing the steps to take, making you distracted.
You see Dr. Abbot in your periphery down the hall, talking to another nurse, one you had never seen before, most likely on the day shift.
Sheโs gorgeous.
She stands tall, confident and makes him laugh. Nothing like you.ย
Your heart aches, as you stare unapologetically, completely drowning out Lenaโs voice. You watch as he also dips his head to catch her eyes, how he touches her arm, how charming he is.
It feels like your heart gave out and fell into an endless pit. Eyes flickering away slowly, realising your hope that the way he treated you was special, is just his charm. His naturally flirtatious personality.
God youโre so stupid.
Lena sighs, shaking her head before closing the cabinet and turning to you, sensing your distraction and sadness.
โHun, you donโt wanna go down that route.โ Her voice is firm, but motherly. Like sheโs truly trying to protect you, not wanting you to get hurt.
Your head snaps over to her wide eyed and panicked having been caught.
โOhโ no itโs not like that.โ you laugh awkwardly, embarrassed but your excuse is weak and she sees through it instantly. Placing a hand on your back and directing you away from the hallway before you get in your head any longer.
โTrust me, hun. Iโve been around long enough to know, men like him donโt realise the effect they have on girls like you.โ
Your brows furrow at her words, girls like me? You reach the lockers before she hits the final blow.
โYouโre young, go on dates. Donโt pine over old men like him, youโll only get hurt.โ
She walks off, leaving you speechless. You gather your things, mulling over her words. Is she right? Have you been misreading everything, pining over a man whoโs naturally charming and kind to everyone?ย
Youโd completely forgotten Dr. Abbots offer to take you home by the time youโre walking out of the doors. Your mind is only repeating her words and reevaluating all of Abbotโs actions towards you, trying to search for when youโd started to misinterpret things.
Jack frowns watching your hunched up form walking out of the ER from where he stands and talks to Ruby. He excuses himself from the conversation, trying to catch up with you before you leave, but youโre already down the street by the time heโs at the door.
โโโโโโโ
Just as he thought he was making progress, the rug is pulled from under him, and youโre colder than ever.ย
Youโre distant with everyone, clipped greetings and polite words the only things you mutter during your shifts. He watches how you avoid groups, but more importantly, how much harder youโve been working.
Youโve doubled your workload, trying to forget your feelings by distracting yourself. Always with a patient, never sitting down and charting, avoiding your colleagues asking you whatโs wrong. Or, avoiding where Dr. Abbot could find you and make you fall for him all over again.ย
He notices how youโre no longer early to your shifts, just right on time, jumping straight into cases. Whenever he tries to coax you into slowing down and taking breaks, you brush him off, refusing to admit you need them. But he notices the bags under your eyes, youโre pushing yourself too much and he hates it, he canโt help and itโs hurting him.
But he also notices how late you stay. As you no longer chart during the day, you spend 3 to 4 hours overtime during the day shift charting. Robby allows it, sensing something going on with you but doesnโt want to overstep. Occasionally, you ask to work doubles, staying to around 1-3pm during the day shifts. Itโs completely wrecking your body, but you donโt want to think about anything else except work.
One evening, during shift change before you got to work, Robby pulls Jack aside.
โHey, brother, I gotta ask.โ Robby glances over his shoulder towards the door, checking you hadnโt arrived yet, before lowering his voice. โSomethinโ going on with her lately?โ
Jackโs brows furrow instantly, worry clenching at his heart. โWhy?โ
โSheโs running herself into the ground, to put it mildly.โ Robby sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. โSheโs working through till the afternoon, then coming back to do it all again at night. Girl canโt be getting more than a couple hours of sleep.โ His expression tightens. โMโworried about her.โ
Jack goes still, his stomach dropping.
He noticed, of course he noticed. He just hadnโt realised how bad itโd gotten.
His jaw tightens, hand dragging tiredly across it as he sighs.
โFuck.โ The word leaves him quietly.
โIโll talk to her.โ
โโโ
Later that night, Jack came to find you during a particularly quiet lull around 11pm. He assumes youโd be with a patient, checking with Lena before heading towards south 16. Heโs rehearsing his speech to you, over and over.
When he approaches the room, his body stops. He hears you laugh. Itโs beautiful, and he doesnโt realise how much it hurt him not hearing you laugh recently.
Rounding the corner he sees you through the glass stitching up a manโs forehead, and youโre blushing. You have that bashed, shy smile as you work, the type that was reserved for Jack. You're standing close to the man from where he sits on the edge of the bed, and heโs looking up at you with desire in his eyes, clearly flirting with you.ย ย
He shouldnโt feel jealous, but he does, insecurity clawing at his heart. The man youโre stitching up, heโs definitely closer in age to you than Jack is. He hates the way that fact digs under his skin, the sudden awareness of the years between you two. Youโre still soft, bright, and untouched by the world in ways he hasnโt been for too long. He canโt take his eyes off the easy smile you give the man, bitterness twisting low in his chest.
He knows he should leave, but he canโt bring himself to move. Which is why when you turn, putting down the sutures, you see him outside watching you, and your body stills. He watches your face fall, and it hurts him how youโre no longer happy to be around him.
Jack sighs ready to turn and leave, but you excuse yourself from your patient and head outside to catch him.
โHeyโโ Your voice is gentle and cautious, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear nervously at Abbotโs expression. โDid you need something?โย
Jackโs jaw tightens as he hears your voice, trying to steady himself. This is the first time youโve chosen to speak to him in ages, and he hates how relieved and conflicted he is right now.ย
His eyes flicker behind you, to the man in the room sprawled out on the bed scrolling through his phone, and his chest tightens. Possessiveness and insecurity battle within his heart, and he doesnโt even think when he blurts out a cold comment to you.
โDidnโt realise we were entertaininโ patients now.โ His voice is clipped, and he regrets it as soon as he says it.
He watches your face fall. Fuck.ย
Your head shakes rapidly, apologetically.ย
โI-Iโm sorryโโ Your voice is meek, he canโt bear that he caused this.
โJust donโt let it happen again.โ Jackโs voice is firm, as he walks off. He needs to leave, clearly not in his right mind, heโs hurting you and heโs completely out of line.
โโโ
The way he spoke to you eats him all night, distracting him. Heโs completely unfocused during cases, Shen telling him to take a breather during a trauma, get his head right. How is he supposed to make sure youโre okay if heโs also driving you away.
He decides to start small. Around 1am he watches you exit a patient's room, pausing outside leaning against the wall. He can tell youโre exhausted by the way you hold yourself.
He slows as he approaches you, wanting to get you to slow down, take a break. Up close he can see the way your shoulders sag like the weight of the wall is the only thing keeping you together, your undereyes heavy with exhaustion. He canโt remember the last time you sat down.
โHeyโ hold up.โ His tone is softer, contrasting the way he spoke to you earlier. โYou eaten yet?
Your eyes flick towards him briefly, before looking away again.ย
โMโfine.โ Youโre short, a little dismissive.
Jack nods awkwardly, he knows he doesnโt deserve your kindness right now.
โItโs quiet, you should take your breakโโ He tries but you cut him off.
โI said Iโm okay.โ Though your tone has little real bite behind it, itโs still harsher than heโs ever heard it.ย
He stills, letting out a deep sigh. The silence between you both hangs in the air thickly. You wonโt look at him.
Jack nods, accepting his defeat watching you walk off.ย
What he doesnโt see is the guilt flooding your face.
โโโ
You need to apologise. Heโs your attending and it was extremely unprofessional of you, a nurse, to speak to him that way. Guilt is clawing at your throat and you canโt get rid of it.
You decide that after you finish organising the supply room with Lena, youโll find him. Explain yourself.ย
Youโre standing on a stepping stool as Lena passes you supplies to restock the shelves with.
โThat guyโ from earlier? He was a real hottie, hun.โ She says while passing you a box of nitrile gloves. Your face scrunches in amusement as you let out a breathy laugh
โThat guy who got his head smashed with a beer bottle? Yeah, right. Like I need that kind of trouble in my life right now.โ You joke back with Lena about the flirty guy.
โCโmon, youโre young. Live a little! Heโs insanely hot, god knows if I was 20 years younger Iโd jump his bonesโโ you cut her off with a real, chesty laugh.
โLena! Youโre married!โ You turn towards her with a wide smile.ย
โI can appreciate beauty when I see it, hun.โ She smirks before continuing. โWhatโs the harm? Heโs still here isnโt he? Go get his number, go on dates, have mind blowing sexโ just do something to get you outta this slump, yโhear me?โย
You sigh whilst organising the top shelf. You donโt want that guy. You want Abbot.ย
What you didnโt realise was Jack was walking past and heard snippets of the conversation, well, particularly Lenaโs grand speech about having mind-blowing sex with the man. He falters in his steps, realising who sheโs talking to, who sheโs talking about. The ugly, possessive feeling rears within him again. He peeks through the door, watching your face. Youโre smiling, like youโre considering it. He canโt handle it. He storms off, childishly slamming the door of the next room he enters, blaming it on the draft.
You jolt at the sudden noise and frown before continuing. โI dunno, Lena.โ Your voice is almost sad. โHeโs not who I want.โ
โYouโre still hung up on him, arenโt you, honey?โ Her voice is soft, pitying. She watches your sad smile when you nod in affirmation. โMโsorry, hun. Itโll pass, I promise.โ
You donโt want it to pass.ย
โโโ
You canโt seem to find Abbot for the rest of the night, until a trauma comes in around 5:30am forcing you both into the room together.
The EMTs roll the patient in on a gurney as you jog over to Trauma 1, reading off his vitals. Fuck, itโs a kid.
โPediatric MVC, eight-year-old male, unrestrained passenger. Vehicle rolled twice after being T-boned at a high speed. Drunk driver.โ The EMT scoffs.
You begin to glove up as you walk alongside the stretcher, Jack on the other side, his eyes land on you as he actively listens to the EMT, his gaze feels as if he was assessing you.ย
โInitial GCS was 10 on scene, refrained from intubation. BP 80/52, heart rate 145, satting 92 percent on non-rebreather.โ
You watch Abbot nod, cutting through the patient's clothes as Ellis and Shen check current vitals and assess internal injuries. You end up stationed directly behind him, ready to hand him what he needs. But him in action is making you nervous, like he doesnโt want you here.
The EMT cuts in. โFather pronounced dead on scene, mother inbound, no obvious injuries.โย
โDecreased breath sounds on the left side, significant bruising across the abdomen and chest. Patient increasingly lethargic.โ Abbot begins his assessment. But is being drowned out by an increasingly loud scream from the floor outside the room, his mother arriving.ย
She rushes to the doors, doctors encourage her to wait outside but she barges in regardless. Her sobs and yells for the doctors to save her son cut through the room, loud and distracting. You take a deep breath at the sound trying to focus, remain unaffected by the scene, present.
Abbotโs jaw tightens as the room erupts around him. The motherโs wailing to his right, monitors beeping rapidly as the boy gets worse, the blood coating his gloves as he presses harder against the kidโs abdomen.
โPressureโs dropping.โ
โBP 78/40.โ
โWeโre losing him, Abbot.โ
Fuck. Each sound and sensation cramming for dominance within his skull, overriding his focus.
And then he glances behind at you, where the station is set up ready for you to hand him things. But youโre spaced out, wide-eyed and pale, clearly overwhelmed by the sounds of the boy crying in pain and grief for his father, the motherโs wailing. Jackโs chest twitches violently. One thing at a time. Save the boy.
โGet her out!โ He yells across the room, his voice loud and booming, a couple nurses urge for the mother to wait outside.
But he canโt focus with you standing there looking wrecked, your hands shaking. His focus should be on the boy, not you.
โGauze.โ He commands, a hand outstretched towards you.
Nothing.
The gauze finally hits his hand, a few seconds delayed.
His pulse spikes, the room suddenly feeling too loud. Your presence pressing against the back of his skull.
He snaps.
โI canโt afford hesitation right now.โ Jackโs voice cuts sharply across the room, eyes snapping to yours. โIf you canโt keep up, leave.โย
You feel like youโve stopped breathing. The room goes painfully quiet, heat rushing to your face instantly at the humiliation.
Your chest feels like itโs caving, shame burning beneath your skin. You swallow hard, blinking rapidly, staving off tears.
You nod once, unable to trust your voice, before stripping off your gloves with trembling fingers backing away from the table.
Another nurse takes over flawlessly, the room continuing like normal around you. You exit the room, tears burning your eyes and threatening to fall.
Lena sees your shaken state from across the room, beginning to make her way over to you. But you duck, scuttling away to lock yourself in the toilet. Needing to break down in private.
You sink against the wall, sliding down until your head rests on your knees.
You know heโs right, you shouldnโt have hesitated. Your throat tightens.
The boy couldโve died because you froze. He still might. For what? Because Abbot didnโt want you near him anymore? Because the sounds of the boysโ mother screaming cracked something open inside of you?
Abbotโs words replay over and over in your head as self-punishment, as you sob into your hands.
ย โโโ
Jack regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.ย
He watches your face crumple in devastation and it almost knocks the breath from his lungs.
Your teary eyes flicker away, avoiding his fiery gaze. He hates that heโs the one who put those tears there, made you cry. He never wants to be the reason for your pain.ย
He watches you nod, so meekly it hurts his heart, the tremble in your hands when you pull off your gloves. Every instinct in him screams to go after you. He canโt. He turns back to the table, continuing to work on the boy even more distracted than he was before.
โโโ
You manage to gather yourself not long after, exiting the bathroom and ignoring Lenaโs concerned looks, just searching for a simple case to get your mind off what happened. You can hear the chaos continuing in Trauma 1, still working on the boy.
Lena assigns you to a wound debridement, a simple task to recalibrate and gather your thoughts.ย
You set up your tool table beside you, and youโre lucky your patient isnโt a chatty one. His arm rests on the bed, skin burnt red and white.ย
Youโre utterly exhausted, emotionally spent. Too in your own head to notice how cramped your fingers get around the scalpel.
You try to reposition your grip, but the blade unexpectedly slips from your grasp, falling and slicing a clean gash from your hand down your arm. Pain slices hot and immediate.ย
โShitโโ
The scalpel clatters into the tray as blood begins to well. Your vision blurs for half a second, before you jerk back sharply, hissing from the sudden pain
โOh shit you okay, lady?โ You hear the patient ask, but youโre already halfway out the room, asking Matteo to finish your case before entering an empty room to sort yourself out.
โGod fucking damn it, piece of shitโโ You curse violently, voice breaking, trying to hold back tears yet again, whilst setting up the equipment you need to clean your cut.
Your heart beats violently, embarrassed at fucking up yet another thing. Abbot cannot know, he cannot have another thing to chew you out over.
Youโre not that lucky.
โHey, listen, I wanted to say thatโ what the fuck?โ Jackโs voice is shocked when he glances down at your bleeding arm from where he stands at the door.
Your head whips around immediately, eyes wide and panicked but you donโt speak or move. Fear wraps around your heart knowing youโre going to get scolded for being distracted, getting yourself hurt, or creating unnecessary paperwork for the hospital.
The sight of your bleeding arm disturbs him. But what hurts more is the way you look at him, wrecked and terrified, like a child that just got caught for doing something wrong, more worried about his reaction than the fact youโre hurt. He shakes his head stepping inside fully making his way to you.
โSit.โ He commands, his voice tight, clipped.
Your breath hitches at his tone, interpreting it as annoyance for having to deal with this, but you do as he says, not wanting to make things worse.
โYou donโt have toโโ You attempt to say youโre fine, you donโt need help, itโs a small cut. But when you look into his eyes, you pause, thereโs something softer behind them, concern.ย
โYeah. I do.โ His voice is gentle and strained like it pains him youโre trying to hide your hurt.
You watch his face as he washes out your cut and stops the bleeding. You canโt read him. He avoids your eyes, focusing solely on your injury, you watch as he clenches his jaw and swallows.
He canโt look into your eyes again, the broken teary look youโre adorning right now would completely break him. He feels your pulse thrumming from where he holds your wrist, shaky breaths like youโre trying not to cry in front of him.
โThisโll stingโโ He warns gently before bringing a cold disinfectant wipe to your cut. He cleans it so gently, so carefully, you realise how much youโve missed him. His touch, his care, his smell.
You hiss slightly at the alcohol stinging, and he quickly retracts, gaze flicking to meet yours worried.
โIโve got you.โ He coos, rubbing a thumb back and forth against your hand, avoiding your injury. โYouโre alright, sweetheart.โ
His soft tone breaks the flood gate, tears flowing freely and you sob. Hard.
โMโso sorry.โ Your voice breaks, blurting out apologies, as you try to catch your breath. โIโm sorry, pleaseโโ
His heart shatters at the sound, immediately setting the wipes down and cupping your face.
โHeyโ No. No, honey. Donโt.โ His warm hands ground you, wiping the tears as they fall. He canโt stand the sight of you falling apart in front of him.
You shake your head. โI keep fucking upโโ you whisper brokenly, your expression apologetic.
โGod, cโmere.โ He coos bringing your head to his chest rubbing his hand on your back. โYou got nothinโ to apologise for, yโhear me?ย
His chest aches at your cries, knowing he led you to this, knowing he hurt such a sweet girl. His sweet girl.ย
โI shoulda never yelled at ya, it werenโt right.โ His voice vibrates through your body against him, sniffling into his chest. โYou get that? You did nothing wrong, baby.โ
Baby.
He pulls back cupping your face again, eyes intense and searching. Searching for something in your eyes that tells him you understand him, that you know you didnโt do anything wrong.
โIs heโ is the kidโโ You choke out, genuinely terrified that your slip-up had cost the kid his life, and had cost the mother losing both loves of her lives on the same night.
Jack shakes his head quickly, dismissing your worry. โHeโs good, heโs stable. Dontcha worry about that. I let shit get to me, yeah? Not on you.โ
You sniffle, breathing jagged as you settle down. The kid will be okay. Abbot isnโt mad at you. His hand lifts from your cheek to smooth down your hair on your forehead, tucking it backwards. Looking at you like you're precious.ย
Unexpectedly, he brings his forehead to rest on yours, whispering:
โI never wanna make you feel like that.โ His voice wavers slightly, but you notice. โNever again.โ
You stop breathing at his proximity. Realisation crashing down at how stupid youโd been to avoid him all this time, to let insecurity overrun your thoughts. His lips are so close to yours.
โJackโโ You practically whimper his name.ย
His breath hitches, searching your eyes before leaning in slowly.ย
He presses a small kiss to the corner of your mouth, testing.
Instinctively, you turn your head towards his lips.
You both pause, staring at each other and breathing heavily. He watches as you dart your tongue out, licking your lips nervously, and he breaks.
He crashes his lips to yours.
Itโs hungry, full of apology, and devotion. He brings a hand to cup the back of your head, deepening the kiss. Electric sparks fly down your spine, your mind turning to mush. The emotional toll of the day mixing with the high of finally kissing Jack, you melt.ย
He finally pulls away, after needing to catch his breath, not because he wants to stop kissing you. Heโd kiss you for the rest of the night, if he could.ย
He takes in your flushed state, catching your breath and looking at him with so much trust. Your red cheeks, dazed and glossy eyes, and plump red lips and he lets a sound akin to a growl out. The look wrecks him.ย
He shakes his head, pressing a short, quick kiss to your hair before physically stepping back before going too far with you.ย
โI didnโtโ I convinced myself you didnโt want me like that.โ Your whisper breaks the silence. โI couldnโt be around you, it hurt too much.โย
Oh.ย
He swallows the lump in his throat before nodding. He understands. Why you avoided him all this time, you must have been going crazy. Hell, youโd affected him so much tonight he snapped. He canโt imagine what living like that for so long would do to you.
โYou donโt gotta explain, sweetheart.โ He brings the chair to sit in front of you on the bed, and he takes your hands in his, bringing a small kiss to your knuckles. โBut you scared me, doll. You gotta take care of yourself.โย
Your gaze flickers downwards a little embarrassed, nodding
He turns your injured hand over in his, nodding his head towards it before gently asking.
โHowโd this happen?โ He refocuses on cleaning and assessing if itโs deep enough for a bandage or stitches.ย
โWasnโtโโ You pause, recalling how he scolded you last time for being distracted, shaking off your fear, you continue. โWasnโt paying attention, cutting off patients' dead skin. Hand cramped nโ tried to fix it, blade slipped.โ
He takes in a deep breath hearing your shaky explanation.ย
โWhy didnโt ya tell someone, hmm?โ He speaks softly, his attention focused on placing small little butterfly bandages along the cut.
You shrug. โWasnโt thinking straight. Was overwhelmed, on the verge of crying again. Just needed to be alone.โย
Crying, again. He hates the recollection that he made you cry that night. That after you had left the trauma room, youโd broken down alone.
He places the last bandage on, setting down the equipment and turning to you once more, placing a hand on your thigh.
โYou always come to me when youโre hurting, yeah? I hate that I didnโt know, baby. Hate you were hurt and you tried to deal with this alone.โ He begs, squeezing your thigh.ย
He sighs in relief as he sees your small nod. โGood.โย
He places a small, gentle kiss over your cut. โThere we go, all fixed up, my sweet girl.โย
You flush red, a shy smile taking over your face before you can stop it, letting out a small laugh of disbelief.
โThere she is.โ He coos at your smile.
โโโโโโโ
After a few months of dating, Jack took a sabbatical, and asked you to go with him.
It was his way of an apology, for snapping at his sweet girl, taking you away from the place that youโd been running yourself into the ground for.
He didnโt tell you much, just to pack your cutest dresses. You obeyed mindlessly, trusting him completely. Truthfully, he couldnโt get enough of seeing you in sundresses after one particular picnic date where he couldnโt keep his eyes off you, or hands. Needless to say, the date ended early, with Jack driving you back to his place to tear off the sundress.
Youโre leaning against Jack in his truck as he drives through the country. He had specifically chosen to bring this truck due to its bench seats, needing a hand on you at all times.ย
The warm breeze filters through the truck windows, and you hum gently along to the faint country rock playing through the truck radio, Jack tapping his fingers against the wheel along with the beat.ย
Everything felt perfect, domestic, calm.
Until you get deeper into country backroads.ย
You frown the first time you drive by a small animal on the side of the road, clearly roadkill. It disturbs something in your stomach, seeing the bloody mangled animal alone. You try to push it down, focus on Jack, the trip.
Until you seem to keep passing more animals.ย
Deer.
Squirrels.
Rabbits.
Foxes.
Every animal seems to twist your heart more and more, saddening you so deeply, wishing you could protect the babies that died alone.ย
Jack, observant as he is, feels you go quiet against his shoulder. No longer humming or drumming your feet with the music, just looking straight ahead into the dashboard, stiff. Something had set his girl off. He brings his hand that rested on the gear stick onto your thigh, giving it a firm squeeze, checking in on you.ย
His hand is warm where it rests on your thigh, grounding, as he coos, โTalk to me, sweetheart.โ He glances over briefly before looking back at the road. โWhatโs got my pretty girl all quiet, hmm?โ he says, softly.
Your stomach flips, of course he notices. Heโs so in tune with your tells by now, you couldnโt even hide it if you tried. You whine a little embarrassed, turning to hide your face into his side.ย
His heart aches at the small, sweet noise you make and his grip tightens protectively on your thigh. Sensing your shyness, his thumb starts rubbing back and forth on your leg.ย
โDonโt hide from me, my sweet girl,โ his voice is gentle and sweet, the tone he uses when he knows something is bothering you. Gentle fingers tip your chin upwards to meet his eyes momentarily, your stomach twisting as he brushes the hair behind your ear, a silent plea: tell me.
Hesitating, feeling shy and not wanting to ruin the trip you tell him, โItโs nothing, really, Itโs the animalsโโ, your breath hitches as Jack drives by another dead deer on the side of the road. Your voice breaks before continuing, โIt hurtsโ, you whisper sadly whilst immediately ducking your head to not look out the window for too long, the scene disturbing you.
Oh. Realisation floods Jackโs face and his heart clenches, oh, his sweet, sensitive baby.ย
You hear Jack breathe out a small sigh, before dipping his head and placing a small gentle kiss to your forehead.
โYeah? Thatโs whatโs gotten my girl all upset?โ his voice soothing and rubs his hand up and down your thigh in comfort. Your stomach twists at his sigh, unsure if heโs silently judging.
โThey might have had family or friends waiting for them!โโ your voice is whiny, desperate for him to understand as deeply as you do why youโre upset. You sniffle a little, trying not to let tears fall.ย
Jack blinks, trying not to laugh at his sensitive girl, knowing itโll upset you more. He doesnโt mean to find it amusing, but your true devastation over deer and squirrels having family and friends, he canโt help but let out a low chuckle.
โYouโre right baby, mโsure theyโre sat around the dinner table, waiting for โim to come home.โ He teases gently a smirk playing at his lips.ย
โJaaaaack! Itโs not funny,โ you pout petulantly, hurt. You shift away from his side, scooting over to the other side of the truck, feeling dismissed.ย
Jack shushes you quickly, grabbing you by your shoulders before you move away, hating the way you curl in on yourself so easily. He pulls you back into his side, coaxing an apology.ย
โMโsorry, baby, cโmere.โ Heโs still smirking a little, but knowing he may have teased too much in your sensitive state, he needs to calm you down.
You feel him pepper quick kisses to your forehead, whilst rubbing the back of your neck gently. Your body relaxes instantly at the touch.ย
You sniffle a little calming down, wrapping your arms around his middle.
โShh, baby, I know, I know.โ He says, his voice softer now, before continuing. โI was so mean for teasing my delicate girl, yeah?โ His inflection rises at the end of his question, like he was comforting a small kitten.
Sniffling, you nod at his comfort. โYou know I love how my sweet baby feels everything deeply.โ he croons, and you feel him run his fingers at the nape of your neck into your hair, petting you.
โYou just keep your eyes on me, yeah? Focus on me for the rest of the trip.โ He commands gently, shielding you away from the hurt of the world.
The low music continues to hum in the car, yours and Jackโs breathing matching as you sit quietly soaking the evening breeze.
Gravel crunches as you pull up to the cabin, you notice he doesnโt make a move to exit the truck yet. You frown, worried, is something wrong? Before you can even ask him, Jack breaks the silence, with such a soft tone it's unexpected.
โSโwhy youโre my favourite nurse, babyโ. You falter, his words stirring something in your stomach, his praise making you shy. You feel him draping his arm around your waist and tugging you into his lap, straddling him.
Unable to avoid his intense eye contact, you duck your head shyly, quietly asking, โWhat is?โ
For the life of you, you canโt figure out what he means. He ducks his head following yours to look into your eyes, cupping your face.
His voice is low, serious, when he speaks. โYour sensitivity, compassion, empathy.โย
You swallow the lump in your throat, uneasy by the intensity of his praise. Tucking your head into his neck to hide your shyness, you quipโ โItโs not the sex?โ
You hear him chuckle, the vibration running through your body.
โYou were my favourite before the sex smartassโ no, you have a big heart, biggest Iโve ever known, you care deeply.โ You feel him guide your head out of his neck, needing to see your face, his thumbs brush against your cheeks as he watches your wide, doe eyes trying to accept the praise.
โPlenty of other nurses and doctors are empathetic.โ You begin shyly, trying to brush the compliment off, uneasy by how seen he was making you feel. Always having been told your sensitivity is a curse, especially in this field, and itโll wear you down.ย
Jack immediately interjects, not enjoying how quick you are to self deprecate, diminish yourself.
โNot like you, baby.โ His voice is stern, as are his hands gripping your face. Desperate for you to see yourself the way he does.ย
Those three simple words cut deep, your eyes watering from so much care. He wipes the tears before they fall and watches a shy smile tugging at your lips, hitting him like a punch to the chest.ย
โYou hear me, baby? Hmm?โ he coos gently while pressing a kiss against your temple. You nod in his hold, cheeks flushed from receiving so much affection, never having been treated so carefully before.
โYouโre mโfavourite attending.โ You mumble shyly fidgeting with your hands in your lap.
Jack laughs deeply, he knows, of course he knows. He just hadnโt expected that to be what you said. He finds your tone so cute, like you're too shy to admit it.
โOh yeah? Sโnot Robby?โ He teases, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, laughing again at your scrunched up face, like the idea is ridiculous to you.
โI know, sweetheart.โ He calms you, presses a final, soft kiss to your temple and brings you closer to his embrace.
Outside, the sun sets as crickets chirp around you, the air gets cooler but neither of you rushes to leave the car yet, this moment meaning something so deep to the both of you.
โ
Jack is setting down the last of the bags in the bedroom when he hears you yelp from the bathroom. Before he can even ask if youโre okay, you call out for him, your voice startled and afraid.
โJack!โ
His heart jumps, and his mind immediately rushes to the worst idea, that youโre hurt somehow.ย
Jack runs to the bathroom panicked, โBaby, whatโsโโ he calls out in fear, until he enters the room, and pauses, blinking.ย
Youโre crouching on the toilet seat like the floor is lava, with one shoe off, in your hand, looking around the floor terrified. You meet his eyes, genuine fear behind them,
โI swear, it's taunting me! It looked me right in the eyes!โ you whisper urgently pointing at the small bug in the corner of the room.
Jack laughs for real this time, tilting his head affectionately, โbaby, what are you doing?โ
You screech as you watch the tiny dark bug scuttle along the bathroom floor and chuck your shoe at it, completely missing it.
โPleaseโ kill it, quick!โ you beg himย
He smirks at you from where he leans against the bathroom door frame, crossing his arms, and taunts you, โWhat if his family is waiting for him to come home, hmm?โ
You groan as Jack points out your hypocrisy, squealing again as you watch it come towards you. โJack, I swear to godโโ
He hangs his head in, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face before he walks over and stomps on it. He picks you up into his arms and mumbles into your hair.
โYeah, youโre not lasting ten minutes out here, sweetheart.โ
oh i loved this bro omg

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synopsis: after the events of killing homelander, everyone is seemingly at peace with their future. minus a certain brit. he's still set on his path of revenge, but you're prepared to put an end to it, even if it means getting killed in the process 1.5 wc
warnings: cursing, mentions of death, unspecified age gap, reader is a supe but specfic powers are not given, characters might be ooc, the boys are so found family to me idc, happy ending !!
a/n: i loved the series finale but i just couldn't say goodbye to my man so that's what this is. kinda rushed and probably shit but oh well we ball
hughie notices it first. he lightly bumps your shoulder with his, getting your attention. once he has it, he gestures towards the room where billy has been cooped up in for the past few days. only now, there's no billy in there. you immediately stand up, politely excusing yourself as you exit the living room and go outside. the van is gone too. hughie follows, coming to a stop beside you. "any idea where he might've ran off to?"
"i have one. but it's not good." when your eyes meet his, he can tell almost instantly what you're implying. "you don't think...?" he questions. "i think that's exactly where he is." you start walking towards the beat up honda civic that is parked on the sidewalk. "want me to come with?" he offers, but you shake your head. "i think it's better i go after him alone. don't wanna set him on edge."
hughie calls out your name softly. "are you sure? i mean, if you're implying what i think you are, then this means you might..."
"i know," you whisper, cutting him off. "i know. but i'm willing to take that risk. you stay here with annie and the others." he's hesitant, but he trusts you and your judgement, and nods. "just come back safe, okay? both of you." instead of replying, you walk over, and hug him tight. he reciprocates, wrapping his long arms around your shoulders. after a few more seconds, you let go. you squeeze his arm, a silent 'goodbye', before turning around and walking to your car.
i hope we will, hughie, you think to yourself. i pray we will.
billy stands in the middle of the vought tower meeting room, gazing out of the large window. you do your best to quietly walk up behind him, but he's in tune with you and your footsteps, recognizing them almost immediately. "you shouldn't be here," his gruff voice says. "neither should you." finally, he turns around to face you. "luv, 'm serious."
"so am i. you should be back at the house with the others. drinking, smoking, celebrating our big win. not here, of all places," you say, gesturing to the room around you. "this place is a shit hole." your eyes drop down to the trigger in his right hand. you don't need to ask what it's for. still, it kinda takes you by surprise that he's considering actually going through with it. "billy, c'mon, just put it down so we can go home, yeah?"
"i have to do this, you know that."
"do what? kill every supe in the world? some of them have families," you argue.
"doesn't matter. they're killing machine, every single one of 'em."
"are you hearing yourself right now? you sound crazy. so what, you're just gonna let annie die? and kimiko? me?" you're voice breaks, and you hate it. "after everything that we've been through, and you're just gonna let me die?" that takes him aback. you notice it in the way his face falls. his tongue slips out and licks at his bottom lip. "i don't wanna do it, luv, but i have to make sure that another homelander doesn't appear ever again."
"the type of supe that homelander was could just be a once in a lifetime possibility. if you go through with this, we're talking mass murded! the rest of your life will be spent running from every branch the goverment, or rotting behind bars." you move closer to him, not stopping until you're nearly chest to chest with him. "we've done what we needed to do. after all these years, we can finally rest. so why do you feel the need to keep fighting?"
"if i don't do it then who will? what if a powerful supe like homelander rises up and commits all the terrible shit he did and more? i'd be pretty fucking mad at myself, and i know you would too."
"but that's exactly what i mean, billy. this purely based on a 'what if?' situation. killing every single supe will not erase the evil shit in our world. besides, now that homelander's gone, that now technically makes marie the strongest. and she's a good kid, with a good head on her shoulders. we should at least give young supes like her the benefit of the doubt. i know someone did for me."
when you first met billy, you were only in your early twenties. he had just lost becca, and you were freshly kicked out of the seven. as the youngest member to ever join, only seventeen when you did, you grew up on that team. meaning you saw first hand all the terrible shit that they and vought did. it left you broken and with a whole lot of trauma, much more than what the average young woman should have. but billy brought you into the team, despite all the negative things he had to say about supes.
and over those years, the two of you grew close. shared a plenty of sleepless nights on shitty motel beds together while he would you and watch whatever late night game show was on tv. sometimes those nights were spent tangled under the sheets, but that's neither here nor there. you didn't replace becca, of course not. you weren't trying to, and you made that clear. but you brought out a side of billy that he never thought he would see again after the loss of his late wife.
"not every supe will be like you, luv," he whispers. you gently reach up and grab his face, forcing him to look at you. "yeah, you're right. but not every supe is gonna be like homelander, either. we've fought our fight, i think we deserve to rest and retire somewhere." while you were talking, you were able to grab the trigger out of his hands and slip it into your hoodie pocket. "c'mon, baby, let's just go home, yeah? this isn't our fight anymore."
billy leans into your hand, closing his eyes and kissing your palm. "'m glad it was you who found me, luv."
"i'm glad too," you whisper, leaning up and kissing him. it's not rushed or heated like most of your shared kisses. this ones softer, gentler, like you're recognizing that the two of you now have time with each other. however long that time may be.
after dismantling the virus, the two of you end up leaving vought tower and head back to the safe house. when hughie sees both of you, alive and well, standing in the doorway, he visibly relaxes. the next few days pass by with heartfelt goodbyes to the members of the team.
ever since the passing of frenchie, you've been the only one kimiko has really found herself confiding in. she told you all about her plans of moving to france and adopting a bernedoodle, all in honor of her late beau. it saddened you to see her leave, but you knew it was what's best for her.
next came m.m. and ryan. you knew that no amount of convincing would make the boy stay with you and billy. you couldn't really blame him. after all the shit that he went through at the hands of homelander and billy, he deserved a stable life. m.m. would be able to give that to him. a few short days after they left, you received a text message from him that he and monique got remarried.
and then came hughie and annie. they were obviously the last ones to leave, preferring to stay around for a little longer. apparently hughie bought the old electronics store he used to work at and decided to make it his own. you were happy to see the couple still together after all these years, and even stronger than before. but what made you even happier? when you got the news that annie was pregnant, and she wanted you to be the baby's godmother.
that left you, billy, and terror. the three of you decided to move away from new york, and instead across the country to roseburg, oregon. it's a small town, but it's peacefuln over there. you already had a house waiting for you, a gift written the will of your great grandfather who had passed a few years ago. it took many sleepless nights of cleaning and repairing the old thing, but the end result was beautiful.
billy now does odd jobs around town, never really sticking to one thing. you became a volunteer at the local library. money wasn't flourishing for the two of you, but you weren't poor either. apparently along with the house, you were left with a bunch of money. guess that's the perks of being the only great granchild who would call every weekend.
life's good now for the two of you. no more looking over your shoulder and sleeping in crappy motels. no more fighting and being covered in someone else's blood and guts. instead you have peaceful mornings sleeping in. billy cooking breakfast and you just sitting on the counter beside him supervising. date nights on the couch eating takeout and watching whatever movie the two of you agree on. it's a life that maybe neither of you deserve, but it's what you've been given. and until your last breath, that'll be enough.
๐ฎ๐ง๐๐๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ง๐๐จ๐ง ๐ฅ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ โน เฃช ห
fresh out of prison, pope gets dragged to the siren's cove, the top strip club in oceanside. he feels completely out of place, so craig does the only thing he can think of, buying a private dance for his older brother with his favorite girl: you.
after that night, pope can't get the girl with glitter in her hair and piercings on her face. and he doesn't think he ever wants to.
๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐: ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐
๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐: ๐จ๐๐๐๐ง ๐๐ข๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ ๐ง๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐
๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐: ๐๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ๐๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ฆ๐๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ
๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐: ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐ฆ๐ ๐ญ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐จ๐ง'๐ญ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ ๐ ๐จ
๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ...
a/n: for this story, i've written the reader as alternative. she will have piercings, tattoos, and black hair, other than that everything else will be generic ! so if u don't like these, u can just pretend they're not there. it also won't fully follow the main plot of the show (since i'm only on s1) but it will have elements of it
lmk if u would like to be tagged in this !! โธ(๏ฝกห แต ห )โธโก
fourth chapter up now !! โงโกโฆ
๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐ฆ๐ ๐ญ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐จ๐ง'๐ญ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ ๐ ๐จ
synopsis: after a week of radio silence, pope makes his return in your life. and he promises to never leave you again, nor lie to you. but everyone has their secrets, including you 2.8k wc
warnings: age gap (pope is late 30s, reader is 23), cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption, baz and smurf, minor references to reader's past sa experience but it is very minimal, uhh i believe that's it
a/n: i'm so sorry that this chapter took so long to come out, as well as it being shorter than most. life has just been a lot, with school and final exams to my dog being very ill, so i've just been struggling with writing. but of course i didn't want to leave u guys hanging, so here it is and i hope u enjoy <3
previous chapter | next chapter
nearly a whole week has passed by, and you still haven't seen or heard from pope. it wasn't for a lack of trying, though. you texted and called, but each time you received radio silence. after three days, you gave up. you didn't like doing it. in fact, you fucking hated it. but you weren't going to keep reaching out to a man who would never respond.
so you threw yourself back into work. taking pretty much any and every shift that you could so that you would have some extra money to spare. and also so that you wouldn't be stuck in that house. the house that was holding good memories for you, until last sunday. fuck frank that balding asshole.
but now, it's saturday night and you've just finished your shift. you pack your things up, giving tired 'goodbyes' to all the girls as they slowly trickle out of the dressing room one by one.
"babe? you okay?" sasha asks, coming from out of nowhere.
"jesus!" you exclaim, nearly dropping your makeup bag. "shit, i thought you were gone."
"i'm sorry," she replies with an embarrassed smile. "i didn't mean to scare you, promise. i just wanted to talk to you once all the girls were gone."
"okay, yeah, is something wrong?"
she moves closer to you, grabbing some of your stuff to help. "no, nothing's wrong. i just noticed that you've been, i don't know, off."
she doesn't know about what frank did to you this past sunday. nor does she know about pope practically ghosting you. so you instead, you make up sone lie. "yeah, yeah, i'm good. i can't remember the last time i took a day off, let alone five in a row. my body has just been adjusting being back at work, i guess." okay, so maybe not a total lie, but still not the full truth.
"that's all? what happened to that guy? the one who would drive you home. pope, right? he hasn't been around."
you shrug, zipping up your bag. "he's just busy. with, uh, with work. he does real estate so sometimes he has travel."
sasha knows you're lying. she's been in your life since you started stripping at 17. but she knows that if she continues pushing, you'll shut down. "okay, whatever you say. listen, my sister took nicky to disneyland for the weekend, so some of the girls and i decided to all go over to bella's place and freshen up. maybe hit some bars, bang a few guys. you in?" she asks, lightly bumping her shoulder with yours. she's trying to get you to laugh, and she's able to pull a small chuckle out of you.
"as much as i appreciate the offer, i think i'm just gonna head home for the night," you reply.
she groans dramatically. "are you serious? you haven't been out in like, forever. when was the last time you had even joined in on our girl's night out?" you open your mouth, ready to answer, until you realize that you really don't know. "see, that's exactly what i mean. i'm not asking you to be out all night, but can't you spare an hour? it breaks my heart when you look like a sad puppy, babe."
"i don't have any clothes," you retort, thinking you've one upped sasha, but she has a solution.
"bella's closet is huge as shit. remember when she had that sugar daddy for like all of summer last year? she'll definitely have something for you."
you sigh, hanging your head in defeat. "fine, but only an hour, okay? maybe, and i mean maybe, two hours. happy?"
sasha squeals in delight, clapping her hands before pulling you into a tight hug that gets you smiling. "the happiest girl in the world. now, c'mon, i'll drive us to bella's."
your night out passes by in a blur, and before you know it, nearly four hours have passed and you're ready to go home. sasha offers to drive you home, but you insist on walking. "we're only half a mile away from my house. besides, i think the cold air will sober me up." she whines, not wanting you to leave, but lets you go anyways. "text me when you get home, okay?" she orders, and you nod, hugging and kissing her cheek before exiting the bar.
as soon as you step outside, a cold breeze brushes by making you shiver. thankfully, you still have the leather jacket pope lended to you, and you wrap it closer around yourself. your heels click against the concrete sidewalk, echoing down the empty street. in this moment, you realize how grateful you are for sasha and this night out. it took your mind off of everything, even if just for a few hours. once your house comes into view, you dig through your small purse for your keys.
when you reach the top of the porch, you touch the handle, realizing that it's unlocked. "the fuck...?" you whisper softly. you never left your door unlocked, ever. not in the neighborhood you lived in. you slip your key in between your knuckles, your only form of self defense in this moment. slowly, you push open the door and walk in, searching around the house. it's dark, but nothing looks stolen at first glance. in fact, it looks cleaner than it did before you left. what kind of robber cleans your house and does nothing else?
"where have you been?" a gruff voice asks.
you hadn't even noticed him at first. he was tucked away in the corner of your kitchen, blending in with the darkness. but you recognize the voice right away.
"andy? what are you doing here?"
"you're late," he says, avoiding your question.
"i'm sorry?"
"you get off at one, but get home by one twenty if you walk. it's almost five in the morning. you're late."
"i was out with some of the girls from work. we went to a bar."
"you went to a bar?" he questions, moving closer. you can see his face clearly now. and you hate how much your heart aches when your eyes meet his. "it's late out. it's dangerous. you shouldn't have walked home."
"it's barely even a mile away!" you retort, voice rising.
"that doesn't matter! you could've gotten hurt!" he snaps back. it's the first time he's ever raised his voice at you. but you don't falter. not now. not when you're buzzed from the alcohol and your emotions are high.
"don't do that. you don't get to do that."
"do what?" he asks, genuinely confused.
"pretend like you care! you've ignored every text, every phone call, everything. you haven't been to the club, and neither have any of your brothers. i've done nothing but worry over you and where you were! you leave me to walk home alone from my work for a whole week, but the second i walk barely a mile is when you freak out? that's not fair."
pope drops his head in shame, clenching his jaw. he knows that it's not. that him getting upset right now is completely unfair. "i've been busy."
"busy doing what? jobs for smurf?" he looks up, eyebrows furrowed. "how do you know that?"
"craig told me, andy. on the night that you left, he told me everything about you and your family and what you guys do. can you believe that? i learned more about you from someone who wasn't you."
"are you mad at me?" to others, it might look like he's buzzing with anger. but to you, you can tell he can't stand still because he's full of shame. his body slightly sways side to side like a child who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "no, andy, i'm not mad. i'm dissapointed. but most of all i'm hurt. i'm hurt that you felt like you had to lie to me. that you thought you couldn't trust me. i told you everything about myself. and i had blindly assumed you'd done the same."
"i didn't want you to be scared of me," he admits quietly.
"i'm not scared of you."
"you should be," he replies, and he's much closer than before. you can smell him. a combination of smoke and sweat, with a hint of some pretty expensive cologne that smurf insists he wear. "what did craig tell you?"
"uh, he told me that you guys do robbery and heists. that you use the property you own to launder the money. that the reason you went to jail for those three years was because of a robbery gone wrong and baz left you behind. he also told me more about julia-"
"i mean about catherine. what did he tell you about her?" he cuts in. you take a breath, eyes meeting his hazel ones. even when his face is hardenes, his eyes are gentle when looking at you. "he told me that you really loved her. that you didn't want to kill her and you only did so because smurf ordered you to."
"i would never do that to you," he whispers. "you should be scared of me," he repeats.
"maybe i should be. but i'm not. you could never scare me." by now, the tip of his nose barely brushes yours. his fingers twitch at his sides, just like they always do when he's nervous. his eyes then drop down to your lips and back up again. if you weren't so close you might've missed it. "you can't leave me again. you don't get to do that when things get hard." he nods, hands finding their rightful place on your hips. "it won't happen ever again, i promise."
that's all you need to hear before leaning in and kissing him. kissing pope is just as amazing as you thought it would be. for a man so big and strong, right now he's gentle and soft. your hands come up and cradle the sides of his face, tugging him closer. your lips move in synchronization, like the two of you were made to be together like this. your tongue stips out and brushes against his bottom lip, and he parts his lips, allowing you to slip got tongue between them. a soft groan sings at the back of his throat, making you smile. after a few more seconds, you pull back to catch your breath. but that doesn't stop pope.
he kisses the sides of your mouth, and then on the tip of your nose. he then kisses your cheeks, before trailing his lips down the column of your throat. while doing all this, he whispers soft 'i'm sorry's' over and over again. gently, he pulls your right hand away from his face, kissing up your forearm and to the inside of your palm. just before he kisses your knuckles, he notices the yellow-ish hue to them. "what happened?" he asks darkly.
"after you left, baz said some stupid shit. so i punched him," you state.
"you punched baz? he told me he got into a bar fight and that's why he had a broken nose."
you laugh softly. "of course he would lie. he wouldn't people to know he got his ass kicked by a stripper."
pope smiles, teeth and all. "you did that for me?"
"i'd do anything for you, baby. anything." your voice drops low, right as your hand drops lower, towards the button of his jeans. but he brushes it away with a gentle push of his hand. "not tonight." you pout, jutting out your lips covered in smudged, strawberry flavored gloss. but that's not gonna distract him now. "i can smell the alcohol on your breath. not tonight." that takes you by surprise. most of guys you knew, customers or not, couldn't care less if you were sober or nearly black out drunk. they were always ready fuck, no matter what your previous alochol intake was. but pope wasn't like most guys. so you nod, withdrawing your hand and putting it on his chest. "okay."
he presses a kiss to your temple. "you should go to bed. get some sleep. the sun rises soon." slowly, he begins to pull away, but you grab ahold of his hand. "stay? please?" you ask softly. and pope can only deny you of so many things in one night before giving in. "i'll stay."
he lets you drag him down the hallway to your bedroom, a room he's only seen from the outside. leading him inside, you shut the door behind him and flick on the light. "i'll be back," you murmur, before grabbing a change of clothes and slipping into the bathroom. the second the door clicks shut, he's looking around your room. not snooping, but just observing in that way he always does. this and your bathroom were the only two rooms he hadn't cleaned. for a bedroom, it wasn't as lived in as the living room.
the walls were painted a soft lilac, with band and movie posters cluttering the walls. there was a practice piercing kit open on your desk, with dead flowers beside it. your bed, however, was untouched. blankets and pillows stiff and neat as if you haven't slept in your bed all week. the bathroom door opens wide, hot water steam escaping. you stand in the doorway, hair wet and dressed in nothing but some lace underwear and a oversized shirt.
"you can sit down, you know. you don't have to stand like some stranger," you offer, and he listens. but his posture is tight, back straight and rigid like a soldier. slowly, you lift your blanket high enough for you to slide under it. you haven't slept in your bed since sunday. since frank came around. you rest against the headboard, trying to ignore how itchy the blanket suddenly feels. you begin to feel trapped under it, so you quickly throw it off, making pope look at you. "you okay?" he asks, and you nod with a tight lipped smile. "yeah, i am. come sit up here with me," you say, patting the empty space beside you. he listens, and he's a little more relaxed now that he's closer to you.
you shift your body into a new position, resting your head on his chest. right above his heart. you don't fail to notice the way it quickens in speed when you do this, but you don't mention it. it's dark in your room, minus the fading moonlight as dawn quickly approaches. feeling a sudden wave of confidence, pope rests his hand atop your hip. when you don't push him away, he begins slowly rubbing his palm up and down. the gesture is soothing, his hands gentle despite the scars and calluses that cover them. it begins to lull you to sleep, but just before your eyes shut, pope's voice wakes you.
"where'd you get these bruises?" his voice is gruff and dark. you only hear that tone when guys at the club would get a bit too touchy after hours and pope would have to step in. you follow his gaze to where it's glued. right on your hip. a sign of unwanted and rough events that haunt you at your every waking hour. you thought they were gone. you hadn't even noticed them. but of course pope did.
you swallow down the nerves that begin to rise in the back of your throat. "i bumped my hip on the counter. you know how i am. always clumsy," you lie. you hate how easy it falls from your lips. you hate that you're lying to pope right now, even though just an hour ago you got mad at him for lying to you. you hate that frank holds such a power over you when he's just some shitty guy.
pope doesn't buy it. not one bit. if there was a bruise, maybe two, he would believe it. but five? all on the same side? you were clumsy, but not to that extent. but he doesn't want to push you to the brink of you breaking down and kicking him out. "okay," he whispers, looking down at you with those sad eyes of his. it breaks your heart to see him so sad, but you feel as if you have no other choice. "don't worry about me, baby. i'm okay, promise," you say, leaning up and kissing him on his cheek. you then snuggle against his chest, closing your eyes, and letting sleep wash over.
sleep won't come to pope. not tonight. not while there's hundreds of theories whirling in his head on how you got those bruises. he comes to the decision that he'll ask you in the morning. but for now, he'll just hold you while you sleep, and make a silent vow to punish whoever it was that did this to you.
a/n: once again, i'm so so sorry that this took so long and i hope it wasn't a let down ๐ i plan to make the next chapter longer, and hopefully it will come out soon so that i don't keep u guys waiting too long. i love u all sm and hope u enjoyed !!
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i have so many ideas but i physically cannot write them down w out getting distracted and writing something else
guys pls feed ur girl w dean and billy fic ideas.. i would greatly appreciate it

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just cried so hard after watching the boys finale. so hard in fact that i threw up.
i will quite literally Never recover from thisโฆ
realest shit ever omg
if i wrote a billy butcher fanfic would u guys get mad at me..
