I'd like to talk a bit about masculinity.
So, I'm a trans woman, I was raised male for 26 years, and since my father wasn't around half the time, my mother did the majority of the raising. This means that she did the majority of teaching me in how to "be a man" socially speaking. Sure, car stuff and male duties were my dad's job to teach me, but values and behaviour in how a man should act was the role of my mom.
My mother always told me that she was raising me to be a good husband to my wife, to treat women with love and respect, and overall how to be masculine but not toxic.
My mother even put together a collection of films and books for me to read with positive male role models for me to build my life around, and honestly it really helped a lot.
So, I'm going to pass on the knowledge I've learned about masculinity that I've learned over the years:
Masculinity isn't a bad thing. It's not bad to be a man, or masculine. Yes, there are toxic men out there with toxic views on how to "be a man", but the same could be said about women. If you don't think women can be cutting or hurt people with femininity, you're dead wrong.
Masculinity can be gentle. It can be loving. There's men out there who adore the women in their lives, and treat them extremely well. These men care about those around them, they're active listeners, they have good communication, they're devoted to their partners, and they're genuinely good people. They're not feminine for caring about animals, speaking softly, being gentle, being loving, anything of the sort. They're men, and that's their masculinity, which manifests in a healthy, positive way.
Masculinity can be gentle, loving, devoted, doting, generous, kind, and all sorts of positive gentle things. It's also a spectrum. There's plenty of masculine men who act in ways that are kind and caring.
George Fisher for example, lead singer of Cannibal Corpse. He's a big, masculine dude who works out. He also spends his free time at home and on tours out playing claw games to win toys for sick children.
Or Travis Ryan, who has a house full of rescue pets, and is an advocate for veganism
Donald Tardy of Obituary fame takes care of over 130 feral cats in Florida every night when he's not on tour, bringing them all food and water
Three examples of extremely masculine men, who are kind, soft, and gentle towards animals and children.
There's nothing wrong with being soft. It does not make you any less of a man.
Too many people act like masculinity is hard, damaging, evil, toxic, and so on. Which yeah, it can be in some - but there's also a lot of good in it. Loving, positive, healthy masculinity should never, ever, be treated like something that needs to be "fixed" because it's masculinity and therefore bad.
There's good men in this world, whose masculinity is good and should be celebrated, and healthy, positive masculinity in those that choose it, should be treated as the good that it is.
So, to those who are choosing masculinity, and choosing a path of loving, healthy, positive masculinity:
Thank you. Honestly. We need more good men and masculine people in this world. You're not a bad person for being this way. You deserve equal goodness to the goodness you put out.
Keep being loving, good, amazing people. Don't let anyone tell you that you're bad for being you, because you're not. Masculinity can be wonderful for some, and it shouldn't be treated like a curse, or a bad decision.
Masculinity can be a force for good
Masculinity is a spectrum and there's no wrong way to do it, so long as it's not toxic
Masculinity can co-exist with femineity
Masculinity should be celebrated and not shamed
Masculinity doesn't make you a bad person
Trans men, and transmascs deserve all the respect, and room to grow into the people that they've always wanted to be. To shame them for wanting to be masculine is harmful for everyone involved. Masculinity isn't a bad thing, men aren't ontologically evil or bad. The vast majority of men are good people, and are blessings to those around them.
Be soft, be nice, be kind, be gentle, be authentic, be vulnerable, don't be afraid to be you. You're not any less of a man for being "soft", instead you become a man of value, and worth.
