musings of fire

(through gritted teeth) sometimes what's good for your mental health isn't another do nothing day or a little treat sometimes what's good for you is putting in some of the work. Not all of it at once but sometimes you have to finish that essay or at least take the next step or you have to clean your room or at least dust the shelves or you gotta do the laundry or at least put it all in the hamper and it's not fun and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks but you have to because i read a post on the internet that told me that's what being nice to yourself is sometimes

I made this what feels like lifetimes ago

i’ll never forget you, but I think I’ll have to try. in the same way I forget to cover up the marks you left on my neck for a week after you left, and the way I’ve washed my sheets about thirteen times and forgotten what you smell like. some things are easier to forget than others; like birthdays of friends I no longer talk to and the way it feels to kiss strangers. but with you, it’s like the smell of hospitals when I was nine. like my first heartbreak, and how I spent so much time in my bed it almost swallowed me whole. with you; the hurt sticks. like fabric pressed against warm blood, like the itch of it days later.