call me bitter

Bonus: ships

“i borrowed ur pen and its been 2 weeks and i still haven’t returned it because every time i talk to u, i am reminded of the massive fucking crush i have on u which always ends up leaving me speechless” au 

“u caught me dramatically lip syncing/dancing and instead of laughing u joined in v v badly and we did a fucking duet together” au

“u sat next to me on the plane and idk if ur nervous or something but wHY DO U NEED THE TOILET SO FUCKING MUCH” au

“i’m a bus driver and despite my no-coins policy, u always manage to weasel ur way into giving them to me w/ stories that cannot possibly be true” au 

“i didn’t realise i was staring at u while daydreaming” au 

“i have never met u in my entire life but u keep sarcastically responding to my tweets and i wanted to punch u until i saw ur avi and now i sort of want to kiss u” au

“i thought u had a crush on our friend and u thought i had a crush on the same friend when in reality, we have a crush on each other” au

“we fucked last night and i left before u woke up and ur standing in front of me right now… for a job interview” au 

“we’ve been married for 2 years now and u just had surgery that left u real fucking dopey and u keep telling me that u wanna take me out and marry me” au

“this is my first time at a gay bar and i’m kinda nervous so i got real drunk and now ur listening to me rant on and on about how gay two characters are for each other,” au

“i drunk texted u thinking u were my ex and in the morning i woke up to a hangover and a long ass text from u telling me i could do better and shit” au

“i’m a popular fanfiction writer and u catch me writing the latest chapter in a cafe, and we end up talking and i keep going on and on about this cute commenter who i find out is u when u comment on the next chapter” au 

“ur my best friend’s older brother and u just caught me singing along to my to best friend’s brother by victoria justice with a bunch of dicks drawn on my face.” au

“ur in a band i really like but ur band name is fucking stupid so i made an anonymous twitter account with new band name suggestions except it got really popular and now u wanna meet me” au 

“ur my daughter’s teacher and u asked to meet me after school so i got real scared and now i’m shouting at u about how u shouldn’t make assumptions about a child’s skills due to their disability” au

“u helped me shout at some prick at a bar” au

“ur the really sassy blind kid in my class who always brightens up my day with ur remarks and one day u confront me abt why i always laugh” au

“its a school reunion and woah u got really hot and woah we’re fucking in the bathroom” au 

“we’ve been binge watching this show for a while and then i found out u didn’t ship my otp so i spent the rest of the day convincing u to ship them together” au

MAKE ME CHOOSE: