cruxesifer

can you tell? is it obvious? the way i look at you? can you feel it? when we touch does your stomach turn like mine? can you feel it when i look at you? can you feel my gaze? from across the room do you know? from right next to you do you know? it must be so obvious. i look up into your eyes. how obvious is it?

when we’re apart i’m achingly aware of my own appearance. my lips are glossed and my hair is perfect and i know precisely what i look like and i know which insecurities are uncovered and which stay buried. when she looks at me my physical goes away, and all i remain is one curling floating mass of black and grey. does she see me? can she love me when my own eyes are black and dark and black and dark and blacker so with paint? and hers are blue like the sun… the sun? the sun isn’t blue. hello?

the chain of a necklace follows the caving of my clavicles. i see her and my fingers touch the cross that sits on the jutting bone of my sternum. her hair is as golden as the metal that sits on my chest.