( * & . — THE GOOD PLACE SENTENCE STARTERS / PART 2 .
‘ and then i remembered … i’m a naughty bitch . ’
‘ because i love you … i think . no , i’m pretty sure . yeah , i love you . ’
‘ birth is a curse . existence is a prison . ’
‘ girl , you are a messy bitch who loves drama and i’m into it . ’
‘ holy motherforking shirtballs . ’
‘ i am revved up and ready to learn . my brain is horny ! ’
‘ i came to apologize . there … i did it . i apologized . ’
‘ i could kill them right now and , you know , that would be easy . ’
‘ i could never get close to anyone . i never even told a boyfriend i loved him . ’
‘ i don’t know how to describe it … like , a different zone of time . no , that sounds stupid . a different clock land . ’
‘ i don’t know how to tell you this , but i’m dying . i mean , we’re all dying , slowly . when you think about it , we started dying the day we were born . ’
‘ i don’t know , man . maybe just tell her that you’re gay . ’
‘ i don’t need you to respond because i know you have trouble saying how you feel . ’
‘ i feel like you always understand about 20% of what’s happening . ’
‘ i got a flu virus named after me because i kissed a bat on a dare . ’
‘ i just have some worries , as well as some concerns that could potentially turn into outright fears . oh , there they go . they are fears now . ’
‘ i love you . and i don’t need you to respond because i know you have trouble saying how you feel . ’
‘ i was a good person for six months . that’s like five years . ’
‘ i wasn’t worth changing for . ’
‘ i will literally see you all in hell . ’
‘ in the words of my actual friends : ya basic ! ’
‘ is everything okay ? i mean , other than , you know … everything . ’
‘ is this why you came here ? to scold me on the metric system ? ’
‘ i’m gonna eat all this chili … and / or die trying . do you want any ? ’
‘ i’m gonna miss you , bud . ’
‘ i’m outtie , see ya in hell ! ’
‘ i’ve gained a lot of new skills recently . for example , i learned how to be passive aggressive . totally fine that you guys didn’t notice . ’
‘ love isn’t a triangle , it’s a five dimensional blob . ’
‘ more guys should be bi . it’s 2018 . it’s like , get over yourselves ! ’
‘ none of your exes have gotten over you . ’
‘ oh no ! now the thing i said after we kissed will always be ‘ hot diggity dog . ’ oh well , it was an honest reaction and i stand by that . ’
‘ somehow , i never want to leave you . ’
‘ that broke me . i’m done . ’
‘ that’s not a present . that’s just common decency . ’
‘ the other possible medical diagnosis is that you’re just a bit of a dick . ’
‘ their bodies are made very poorly . they’re mostly goo and juice . you just take the juice out and then they’re dead . ’
‘ there’s no point to anything and you’re just gonna die so do whatever ! ’
‘ ugh , of course your hugs are amazing . ’
‘ wasn’t he banned from disney world for biting buzz lightyear ? ’
‘ what a creep . why was i friends with him ? ’
‘ whatever progress i have made it’s because you and i have become friends . ’
‘ whenever anyone tells me a story about their life i imagine all the people as being super hot . otherwise i quickly lose interest . ’
‘ who the hell is this chick ? ’
‘ why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identity ? ’
‘ why is it every time a new thing is invented humans immediately try to use it for porn ? ’
‘ yeah , i love you . ugh , that’s embarrassing . i feel so itchy . ’
‘ you are too selfish to ever be a good person . ’
‘ you got it , you piece of ... butt . ’
‘ you need to ghost her . disappear . block her number . bonus : anything she left in your apartment is now legally yours . ’
‘ you are brilliant , charming , obviously gorgeous . ’
‘ you’re my friend . that’s why i can’t kill you . ’
