NOT THAT KIND OF CROFT.

maybe  one  day ,  right ?

i  still  wake  up  every  morning  feeling  like  i  got  hit  by  a  bus .

it’s  not  like  there’s  anything  in  there .

that  doesn’t  make  sense ,  cause  i’m  not  dead .  am i ?

are  you  asking  me  out ?

i  didn’t  know  you  had  taken  a  crack .

real  catch ,  you  are .

that’s  actually  crushing  to  hear .

get  out ,  go  …  away  from  me .

you  know  what  i  mean ,  yeah ?

i  will  see  you  on  the  flip-flop .

you’re  not  supposed  to  be  here .

don’t  just  stand  there -  RUN !

it’s  like  we’re  in  heaven .

i  strongly  encourage  you  to  return  that .

i  didn’t  do  that  on  purpose !

i  don’t  know  what  i’m  doing !

how  are  we  doing ,  [ name ] ?  you  sleep  alright ?

you’re  not  quite  right .

sorry ,  i’ve  got  a  date .

you  look  like  a  knob .

it’s  not  looking  so  good ,  is  it ?

calling  me  now ?

lose  my  number .

i’ll  tell  you  more  about  it  tomorrow .

you  can  have  some  sprinkles .

if  you’re  [ name ] ,  i’m  the  bloody  queen  of  shiva .

oh  my  god ,  you’re  alive .

i  thought  something  happened  to  you .

where  have  you  been ?

sorry ,  who  do  you  think  i  am ?

what  did  you  just  call  me ?

you  need  to  stop .

you’re  gonna  get  yourself  in  trouble .

someone’s  having  a  laugh .

stop  looking .

always the same ,  isn’t it ?

i’m  being  followed .

[ name ] ,  you’re  part  of  this ?

are  you  going  to  kill  me ?

it’s  maddening ,  isn’t  it ?

i  can’t  help  you .

i’m  trying  to  help  you .

there’s  chaos  in  you .

you  need  to  give  me  control .

this  is  real .  i’m  real .

oh ,  god .  i’m  gonna  die .

look  at  me .  you’re  not  gonna  die .

what  you’re  about  to  see  is  gonna  melt  your  brain .

that’s  not  me .

you’re  not  alone .

i  never  forget  a  face .

you  weren’t  supposed  to  see  any  of  this .

it’s  a  little  more  complicated  than  that .

i  can’t  have  you  interfering  in  what  i  have  left  to  do .

you  sure  you  want  to  know ?

oh  my  god ,  that’s  the  stupidest  thing  i’ve  ever  heard .

oh  god ,  i’m  having  a  panic  attack .

i’ve  gotta  go  to  the  hospital ,  i  think .

that’s  mental .

you’re  making  a  mistake .

stop  what  you’re  doing  right  now .

i  think  i’m  in  real  danger ,  and  i  think  you  might  be  the  only  person  who  can  help  me .

i  didn’t  do  that .

i’m  not  broken .  just  …  need  some  help ,  maybe .

just  remember ,  you  don’t  have  to  do  everything  he  asks .

i  am  real  justice .

i  can’t  help  you .

listen  to  me !  your  name  is  [ name ] .

where  the  hell  are  you ?  you  need  to  fight !

i  promise ,  you  can  do  this .

it’s  alright ,   it’s  alright ,  we’ll  find  another  way .

you  look  different .

it’s  always  been  you  eating  at  parts  of  my  life  like  a  parasite .

everything  you  touch ,  you  ruin !

i  don’t  trust  anything  you  say !

you  hurt  people .

you  know  i’ll  protect  you  with  everything  i  have .

i  don’t  steal .

not  so  innocent  anymore ,  eh ?

have  a  good  trip ,  love .

[ name ] .  [ name ] ,  that’s  enough .

what’s  the  worst  that  could  happen ?

aren’t  you  coming  with ?

is  there  somethin’  i  should  know ?

you  know  exactly  why  we’re  here .

take  action  now  before  it’s  too  late .

just  so  you  know ,  i’m  not  here  to  help  you .

you  could’ve  told  me .  you  know ?  what  it’s  been  like  for  you .

we  could’ve  handled  it  together .

never  really  been  able  to  just .  talk  about  everything .

let’s  get  our  story  straight .

i  hope  you  realize  you  need  no  excuse  to  drop  by .

do  you  really  think  i’m  an  idiot ?

buy  me  some  time .

i  remember  that  night .

you  were  right  about  [ name ] .

i’m  going  to  do  what  you  could  not .

i  owe  my  victory  to  you .

this  is  a  suicide  mission .

it’s  not  happening .  we’re  not  gonna  do  that .

we  could’ve  handled  it  together .

it’s  just  you  and  me ,  and  the  open  road .

yeah ,  i’m  not  sure  that’s  the  way  it  works .

i’ll  throw  us  off  a  cliff !

that’s  more  of  a  you  thing ,  isn’t  it ?

i  really  wish  you  hadn’t  seen  that .

oh ,  wow  …  look  at  you .

it’s  a  maze .

is  that  …  is  that  fresh  blood ?

let’s  keep  moving .

hide ,  hide !

run !  i’ll  find  you !

you  kissed  her .

no  way ,  that’s  not  right .  that  can’t  be  right .

you  handled  that  beautifully .

sorry .  i  couldn’t  be  more  sorry .

i  do  hope  you  find  closure .

i  was  supposed  to  die  that  night .

i  tried  to  tell  you  since  the  moment  we  met .

just  you ?

i’ll  share  it  with  you  this  time ,  i  promise .

you  can’t  keep  doing  this .

the  effects  will  wear  off  soon .

i  can’t  help  you  if  you  don’t  help  yourself .

you  shot  me .

you  stay  away  from  me !

i  know  what  you’re  feeling .

unlock  the  door !!

how  is  this  possible ?

what’s  the  last  thing  that  you  remember ?

we’ve  gotta  get  out  of  here .

this  is  all  your  fault .

let’s  try  it  your  way .

how  did  you  come  to  be  here  today ?

you  wanna  know  what  you  told  me ?

do  you  think  that  is  sense  …  or  nonsense ?

i  find  this  really  encouraging .

listen ,  i  am  not  your  enemy .

wow ,  these  meds  are  really  amazing .

we’re  insane .

i’m  not  crazy .

where  did  you  say  we’re  going .

so ,  how  are  we  supposed  to  do  this ?

my  memories  are  a  freakin’  mess .

you  try  taking  a  life .  see  how  quickly  you  forget .

open  the  door !   open  the  door !

[ name ] ?  get  back  here !

i  want  him  back .

i  should’ve  known  you  would’ve  done  something  like  this .

and  you  believed  that ?

what  happened  to  you ?

i  feel  the  pain  inside  of  you .

what  the  hell  are  you ?

please ,  [ name ] ,  you  have  to  help  us .

get  back  inside !

don’t  make  us  go  there  again .

you’re  about  to  lose  everything ,  do  you  understand ?

if  [ name ]  dies ,  it’ll  be  on  your  head .

no ,  i  won’t  do  it .  you  can’t  make  me .

what  you’ve  been  doing  is  so  difficult ,  i’m  so  proud  of  you .

i’m  so  proud  of  you .

there’s  only  one  way  to  know .

you’re  gonna  have  to  open  up .

[ name ] ,  i’m  sorry .

you  were  just  a  child .

it  wasn’t  your  fault .

[ name ] ,  they  don’t  look  very  friendly .

i’m  sorry  it  had  to  be  this  way ,  [ name ] .

sometimes  we  need  the  cold  light  of  death  before  we  can  see  reality .

who  wants  to  heal  the  world ?

clear  a  path .

i’ve  heard  wonderful  things  about  you .

this  doesn’t  need  to  happen .

this  was  all  so  avoidable .

do  not  let  the  pain  of  the  past  control  you .

as  you  wish .

i  don’t  care  what  you  can  offer .

[ name ]  didn’t  trust  you .  i  don’t  trust  you .

time  has  been  cruel  to  you .

i  cannot  allow  you  to  proceed .

your  journey  is  over .

it’s  so  quiet .

please ,  enjoy  your  peace .

i  need  to  go  back .

it  doesn’t  work  like  that .

i  don’t  know  if  you  can  hear  me .

i  survived  because  i  knew  i  wasn’t  alone .

i  couldn’t  protect  you .

you  didn’t  abandon  me .

there’s  no  way  in  hell  i’m  gonna  abandon  you .

tell  me  to  spare  you ,  and  i  will .

i  knew  you’d  miss  me .

[ name ] ,  i  need  your  help .

how’s  this  deal  gonna  work ?

hurry  up ,  idiots !

thank  god  you’re  okay .

what  if  we  believe  something  different ?

i’m not sticking around to watch you go down .

i hope that you don’t suffer ,  but take the pain .

the truth is , i’ve never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss .

we will be everything that we’d ever need .

you only listen to your fucking friends .

you made a few mistakes .  it’s alright ,  it’s okay .

i’m trying to get better , but i can’t do that when everything is about you .

i can name a couple ways this shit might go .

can you feel my heartbeat fuckin’ kickin ?

you were my everything and all you did was make me fuckin sad .

it’s kind of tripping me up , i’ve got it bad for you .

i’m on my own , i had some space to deal with it .

i’ve got it too good to cry .

i don’t know where i am or where i’ve been .

don’t treat me like some situation that needs to be handled .

finish up the bottle , then we’ll go .

this room is so suffocating .

motherfucker , don’t play with me .

there’s no doubt in my mind that if you could ,  then you would try .

i’m not the type to be out past dawn .

it’s been a long time since i felt this good on my own .

i really wish that i could say it to your face .

i kinda like it when you talk to me the way you do .

i’ve got something up my sleeve , i walk my talk .

i love you , but i know i’ve gotta let you go .

it’s getting hard to find a silver lining .

of course it hurt , of course it fucking hurt .

i know that you’re hiding something from me .

i don’t need to be loved by you .

trying to ignore it is fucking boring .

i tried to pretend ,  but it just doesn’t feel right .

i just can’t take it anymore .

i’m not trying to change your mind .

living in the city isn’t where it’s at .

don’t waste the time i don’t have ,  don’t try to make me feel bad .

i almost did it … glad that i didn’t .

you better run , you better do what you can .

yeah , i don’t really wanna be here .

pretty things should be seen and not heard .

can’t you bother someone else ?

now i’m sitting here wondering , when did this all start ?

i’m terrified but i can’t resist .

is there someone else or not ?

i’ve been around long enough now to know that good things never last .

i’d rather be the girl that got away than be under your thumb .

it ain’t so bad if i wanna make a few mistakes .

wish i could get some fuckin’ sleep without wasting all my weed .

you scared me to death ,  but i’m wasting my breath .

i feel like a kid again .

you were always taught to believe that everything you think is the truth .

nothing comes without a consequence or cost .

i don’t deserve someone loyal to me .

thought you were headed somewhere new .

touch me like tonight we’re gonna die .

can we go back to the world we had ? 

you should know right now that i never stay in one place .

i’d suffers hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight .

the games you played were never fun .

you said you’d stay , but then you ran .

if i can’t hold you like a lover , i won’t hold you at all .

you and i have history ,  or don’t you remember ?

i’ll be the one to deliver the news .

i’m better than this ,  i know my worth .

there’s something tragic about you .

you don’t know what it’s like , waiting up all night .

thank you for teaching me how i could live without you .

tell me what it is you wanna know .

you’re not a monster ,  you’re just human .

maybe i need better friends . or maybe i need a wake up call .

there’s so much to do , i’ll never have the wherewithal to do it .

i know i’d miss you ,  if i left right now .

i don’t like anyone better than you .

they told me once nothing grows when a house isn’t a home .

what makes you sure you’re all i need ?

i know you feel the way i do .

forever never really felt so right .

i overcommunicate and feel too much .

you say you’ve changed and you’re sorry ,  but i don’t wanna know .

i know i’ve got friends ,  i still get so lonely .

i’ve been doing greater good for a long time .

i’m no hero ,  but i can take a punch .

i thought it would all be great when i was older .

i used to be the one that was lying .

i can’t stand your condescending tone when you talk to me .

we’re still going cause we’re not quite dead .

i wanna scream ,  but what’s the use ?

i know what’s going on in your head .

you know ,  i never wanted to hurt you .

i don’t want to be a prisoner to who i used to be .

if we could stay this way forever , would it be enough ?

can’t you see that i’m getting bored ?

i hope you don’t think that shit’s fair .

i never knew you had such a dirty mind .

sometimes i don’t have a filter .

i’m the worst mistake that god has ever made .

you know i love you , but i’m still learning to love myself .

darling , you’re sick in the head .

am i someone you can’t live without ?

if you don’t come back , at least i’ve got nothing to lose .

did you think that i should listen to you ?

the meds aren’t working for me anymore .

goodbye to my good side ,  it only ever got me hurt .

you know ,  you’ve got a real smart mouth .

i know i’m where i belong .  deep down inside ,  i’ve known all along .

i’ve been putting myself on the sideline .

i was worth something , and it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food .

i know i took the path that you would never want for me .

my tongue’s gotten real tired of me biting it .

you’re acting like your deadbeat dad .  you’re better than that .

i swear i changed my ways for the better .

i hate it when dudes try to chase me .

when you’re in love ,  you get so cruel .

sorry , but i guess i’ve gotta let you down again .

just fucking leave me alone .

i walk through this world just trying to be nice .

i can’t be your savior ,  i don’t have the power .

will heaven step in ?  will it save us from our sin ?

follow my lead ,  take my hand .

you should’ve made some plans with me ,  you knew that i was free .

there are things that we’ll never say , but we know .

the only way you can know is to give it all you have .

i’m not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain .

you get me through every dark night .

i know that i’ve done some wrong ,  but i’m trying to make it right .

now you’re over there ,  and i’m way over here , what are we gonna do ?

think about what you believe in .

if i keep my eyes closed ,  he looks just like you .

i don’t wanna feel better .  no one’s ever gonna love me like that again .

there are things that you say ,  and you don’t say .

all my filthy life i loved someone i barely knew .

bless your soul ,  you’ve got your head in the clouds .

what did you say ?  you’re breaking up on me .

if you adore me ,   why do you ignore me ?

you’re not as brave as you were at the start .

it was a bad idea ,  calling you up .

i see it on your face ,  you’ve had a bad day .

people are so fake ,  this world is a cruel place .

i’d rather be hunter than the prey .

someone’s gonna hate ,  it’s never gonna change .

you used to be so kind .

never gonna be easy ,  was it ?

every day’s another shot but all i do is fuck it up .

i can take the hate and all the pain .

it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right .

tell your baby that i’m your baby .

they’ll kick you and they’ll beat you ,  and they’ll tell you it’s fair .

i wanted to pretend that this time was the end .

no one around me knows who i am or what i’ve done .

i would’ve gave it all for you .

i won’t run ,  i’m not afraid .

same way that they come ,  that’s the way they go .

somehow ,  i just want you more .

i never regretted the day that i called you mine .

i don’t want to get over you .

take it out on me .  i don’t mind if we fight if you make me bleed .

you look better in that dress than i do .

i know i let you down ,  didn’t i ?

it’s a cruel ,  cruel world .

i know i don’t want to live without you .

i’m always tired ,  i just can’t fight it .

i’m too consumed with my own life .

you didn’t think it’d be so much fun .

i won’t let you go ,  so don’t let go of me .

darling , you’re so pretty it hurts .

how’d i ever get so off my rocks ?

tell me where i went wrong .

what’s a king to a god ?  what’s a god to a non-believer ?

they’re out to get you ,  better leave while you can .

i know i’ll never know just what to say .

goddamn it ,  i was worth something .

we don’t need to be enemies .

should’ve kept my ass in bed .

i tried to love you ,  but you’re not my type .

there’s something here that i just can’t explain .

baby ,  is that really what you want ?

i’m not good at making friends .

i keep a close watch on this heart of mine .

i’m obsessed ,  i’ve never met someone like you .

can’t you see that you’re lost without me ?

when i’m like this , you’re the one i trust .

i was born into this , won’t hesitate to use my fists .

i always get my revenge .

the world thinks i’m a mess .

there’s something wrong with me ,  cause all i wanna do is get high .

it’s been a long time since i gave a shit .

sometimes i have these thoughts , they leave me all confused .

when i said take me home ,  that wasn’t what i meant .

oh my god ,  why are you sad again ?

you have to show them that you’re really not scared .

i don’t have many friends .  most of them are pretend .

i had my cake ,  and i ate it too .

i’m too afraid about the things i might say .

shit wasn’t real ,  it was all in my head .

it’s too late to apologize .

i know my disposition gets confusing .

you’ve gotta be so cold to make it in this world .

satisfaction is a distant memory .

no one can ever know .

there’s you in everything i do .

i wish i could say that i’m sorry ,  but i’m over that now .

you’re playing with your life ,  this ain’t no truth or dare .

fool me twice ,  and i know that’s all i need .

i hope if everyone leaves ,  you choose to stay .

i was afraid to leave you on your own .

where along the line did we stop seeing eye to eye ?

if they laugh ,  then fuck them all .

i’m sick and tired of everyone in this place .

i miss the way you made me feel .

he’ll never stay . they never do .

take a dose of something to forget .

aren’t we too young for this ?

i’m not the type to admit i’m wrong .

i shouldn’t think the things i’m thinking .

“ a couple clicks. we’re gonna be fine. “ carlos replies calmly over the deafening whirring and whizzing of the rotor blades as he hops down from his perch in the helo. he checks his respirator mask clipped to the back of his camos and then proceeds to test their comms-link once their ride peels away from their drop-off coordinates, his rifle braced high-ready as he takes point when they’re finally ready to move out.

lara's learned, over the years, that calm does not spring from calm. it's a building pressure of still underground waters waiting for that one, vulnerable crack to spray onto the surface. carlos is calm. he steps into his calm like a second skin. she doesn't remember him like this, ever, and knows she's part to be blame. for every time they're in a quest of some disaster or another, she's distracted, absorbed in her own complexes and obsessions. this time she can't obsess, this is so entirely new that all she can be is uncomfortable. she's not used to the not knowing. but carlos' calm ? that, she knows.

boots stomp on the gravel road leading into the old town, lara watches the way the soil clusters into pebbles under her heel. then she realizes carlos silently assigns her rearguard and she falls into the outlook, head turning on a swivel, gun hanging at her hip. still, so very still. the humdrum of their steps falls out of rhythm when carlos slows and stops and turns to her, ❝ hm ? ❞ she peels her eyes away from a bush she could have sworn she saw move. there it is. the crack. his warning is both ill and perfectly timed. lara's flight of thought ceases briefly as she focuses on carlos while he fiddles with her vest, ❝ okay. ❞ she lifts her hand so her finger hooks through one of the loops on her husband's vest and she gives it a firm tug, ❝ i've got this. ❞ she promises, i've got us.

her chin juts forward for them to move again, gun unholsters and lays comfortably in the pads of her palms. the gravel flays into cobblestone, the grooves in between deeper, trickier, easy to trip over in a haste. when lara looks up again, the world around her is colored with a reddened screen. the air changes first, then she's hit with the smell, ❝ what is that smell ? ❞ lara buries her nose into her elbow as her steps falter. the air reeks of death, chemically stringent smell makes her eyes tear up and her chest burn. for the brief moment her vision is compromised, lara hears it, the creaking screech and shuffle, bodies falling over each other. she could have sworn she heard the voice screech ' help ' ...but when she finally sees it ? it's beyond help.

it's picture, perfect horror. splitting, leathery skin and boils with tar and pus spilling over. the smell gets stronger as two bodies scramble towards the intruders, flesh peeling off their bones as they reach for lara and carlos. ❝ fuck ! ❞ the curse staggers from her lips as she accidentally draws a sharp gasp and burns her chest even more, and she swivels away when she hears more dragging steps behind them. her back presses to carlos' ❝ i've got three ... three ! ❞ she doesn't even know what to call them, and she doesn't dwell on it. gun's drawn, sights set. pop , pop, pop !

lara's world is so unlike anything she's ever known - not that she and her brother have struggled, not in the way other people have, but all at once she feels out of place. her expectations had been on something a little more familiar, a nice car, an indulgent few pieces of designer clothing, some niche expensive art piece that critics have wrote a hundred articles on. it's a surprise, one that has her compensating with a wider smile, hands running through her hair in a manufactured attempt of something casual, suddenly aware of her body and the space it takes up - how easily it would be to accidentally send something worth more than her entire life tumbling. the last time she was in a place like this - no, she stops the thought before it starts, focusing on the muscles of lara's shoulders. a wonderful distraction. "i bet you say that to all the girls, huh? alright, miss croft, you've convinced me." usually, she'd expect a beer, maybe a glass of cheap wine, an expectation that grows more distant by the minute - what do ladies drink?

lara laughs, her eyes flicker just north of claire's as she studies the details of the woodwork and stone of the manor's entrance, then looks at her again. ❝ only the ones who save my life. ❞ lara's words carry that similar playfully air but the undertone of sincerity perseveres. when they met lara had on the cusp of an endless fall, no one could have pulled her off that cliff, and she's still climbing her way out of that abyss herself. any kindness and familiarity to find her holds on the way, she greatly appreciate. and claire happens to stand stark, a beacon of light in of lara's darkest memories. how could she not gravitate to her, an unmoored ship following the swing of a lighthouse in the distance. without pockets to tuck her hands into, lara's hands lay idle at her side and itch restlessly as she slows her saunter towards the study.