𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒏.

because my friends muses need therapy. will they get it? absolutely not. 

AVOIDING THE TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN:  

“  yeah i’m pissed off but i’d rather not talk about it.  that’s why you’re the one i came to.  ”

“  i’m not looking for a friend.  i’m looking for someone just as angry as i am.  ”

“  i’m not good at caring about people’s shit on purpose.  ”

“  i’m not gonna ask if ‘you’re okay’ cause that’s fuckin’ annoying.  you wanna get the hell out of here and do something?  ”  

 “  i don’t wanna talk about it. you got a beer?  ”  

“  upset?  why would i be upset?  ”

“  so you wanna go find something to break?  ”  

“  hey you want me to kill that guy for you?  ”

“  i just need to get this shit done.  and i trust you to help me do that.  ”  

“  you’re hot.  and i’m bored.  ”  

“  can we just have some meaningless sex we can both pretend didn’t happen tomorrow morning?  ”

“  i can think of at least a dozen people that need killing.  or a light beating.  will that cheer you up?  ”

“  i’ve a got job and i think you’d be the perfect fit.  so you in?  ”

“  yeah i don’t do the whole crying thing.  give me something to stab and i’ll be good in a day or two.  ”

“  i banged it out and now i feel great.  next question.  ”

“  if i think about it,  i get angry.  and i don’t know where that anger stops.  so i’d rather not start at all.  ”

VARIOUS SENTENCES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH U COWARDS: 

“  if you’re gonna stay here you can’t be sober so either take the fruity beer or the shitty wine or let me be vibe in peace.  ”

“  how much insect essence do you think are in every square inch of chocolate? like just how many cockroach guts have i consumed with my hershey’s? ” 

“  you should’ve seen the look on their face.  it’s been so long since i’ve made someone that fuckin’ angry it was great.  ” 

“  i have this neighbor who keeps playing driver’s license at 10 a.m. every morning and i’m starting to question if it’s a sixteen year old getting over a breakup or a 36 year old trying to reclaim their childhood. at this point the mystery is the only thing keeping me going.  ”

“  do i trust you?  absolutely not.  next question.  ”

“  if i don’t get a nap in the next hour i’ll probably murder someone.  ”

“  you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now.  ”

“  i’m here to raid your fridge cause my date went really bad and all i’ve had is lukewarm water and breadsticks.  ”

“  i’m making a fake tinder profile to see how gullible guys are, wanna help?  ”   

“  hey i got something for you look!  ”   *holds up middle finger* 

U MIGHT GET PUNCHED: 

“  why are you really here?  ”

“  i’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on.  ”

“  you can’t solve every problem with your fists.  ”  

“  i’m not here to talk about me.  what the hell is going on with you?  ”

“  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”   

“  i can see beneath your smile.  ”

“  why won’t you just tell me the truth?  ”

“  what are you hiding? and don’t you dare try to lie to me. ”

“  what the hell did you do?  ”

“ i heard you were back in town. ”

“ you’re not nearly as quiet as you believe yourself to be. ”

“ discretion was never as strong a suit for you as your… other, talents. ”

“ when they first said you were back, i thought they were delusional. now i worry that i’m the insane one. ”

“ they tell me you’re the one to go to for… well. my particular problem. ”

“ you were great. are great. but… you could’ve been legendary. ”

“ people are rather interested in making your acquaintance. ”

“ you know the police are still after you, right? ”

“ look at you. smirk and all, like we should be kissing your feet for existing. ”

“ you’ve gained quite the reputation, you know. ”

“ i’ve seen you. in the news… ”

“ is it true? what they say about you? ”

“ i don’t believe any of it. how can one person manage to pull that off? ”

“ i… i thought you’d be taller, for some reason. ”

“ you might tell me how you did it, some day. perhaps over drinks? ”

“ people would give their right arm just to have a chance at talking to you. ”

“ the entire world knows your name. and still, we whisper it. ”

“ you’re both renowned and a complete and utter mystery. ”

“ goodness. all the rumors about you, and you look… nothing like what i was anticipating. ”

“ everyone who’s anyone knows the story about you. but do we know the truth? ”

“ you really should hear some of the rumors about you. comedic gold… ”

You were challenged by Pokémon trainers CHASE and ELAINE.