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Hotch: What do you call disobeying the law?

The BAU: A hobby.

Hotch: *crosses his arms*

The BAU: That we do not engage in.

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Spencer: Kill him.

Emily: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.

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Hotch: *closes a cabinet*

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*

Rossi: What was that?

Hotch: The sound of someone else's problem.

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Derek: Where did you get that tomato soup?

Garcia: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

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Hotch: Hopefully Jason has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings.

Gideon: Oh, shut up and die Hotchner.

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Emily: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

JJ:

JJ: Why are you eating dirt?

Emily: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

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Derek: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.

Spencer: Voldemort?

Derek: No.

Spencer: Is it Voldemort?

Derek: It's not Voldemort.

Spencer: You haven’t mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I’m gonna have to assume it’s Voldemort.

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Emily: What? No! Me and Spencer are not dating!

Spencer: Yes I’m sorry to disappoint… but I have standards

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Rossi: Would you guys say you’re independent?

Spencer and Emily: *looking at Hotch*

Hotch: *nods*

Spencer: I’d say so, yes.

Emily: Definitely!

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Sean: *runs into the glass door and knocks himself out*

Aaron:

Rossi: Isn’t that your brother over there?

Aaron: SHH! Lower your damn voice-

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Hotch: Listen, have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?

the BAU: Literally all the time.

Hotch: Then you should be used to it. Pussy.

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Fake Spencer: Kill him, he’s the clone!!

Hotchner: [shoots the clone] The real Spencer would never pass up an opportunity to die.

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Hotch, walking into the office: Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on here?!

Garcia: It’s kind of complicated, But Emily-

Hotch: Got it. Forget I asked.

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Spencer, to a fire alarm: How could you even be beeping? I just disconnected you. I took your battery. How could you- [fire alarm beeps]

Spencer: Don’t you dare interrupt me!

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Emily: How good of a mood are you in right now?

Hotchner: … What did you do?

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Rossi: Oh my god! Prentiss, that’s a lot of blood! Are you okay?

Emily: Yea, don’t worry. It’s not my blood.

Rossi: Oh that’s a relief.

Rossi:

Rossi: Wait-

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Hotch: Wait, you are involved in this?!?

Spencer: You’ve know me for far too long to be surprised by this news as you are.

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