i’d like to take a second to thank hozier for everything he’s done for ao3 fic titles

my kink is having someone stroke my hair until i fall asleep

me after one glass of wine: I need to get FUCKED

God I wanna go on Tinder and have hot guys dump cum in me the whole weekend 😳

me while i’m just living my life: yeah.. i don’t get it. just don’t understand any of this. like i just………………………………… don’t get it

Imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 a minute

Me, getting murdered: be gentle it’s my first time

No offense but *coughs into a white cloth, then dramatically unfolds it to reveal that it is spotted with blood, foreshadowing my tragic death by tuberculosis at the ending of the film*