I need people to just go back to deleting their posts nothing is worse than not being able to reblog something

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I need people to just go back to deleting their posts nothing is worse than not being able to reblog something

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re: some of your recent posting, I wonder sometimes if the fandom characterisation of Shane’s comphet maybe comes down to a lack of understanding of the comphet experience when you’re a full Kinsey-6-gay. I don’t want to imply that comphet is an exclusively homosexual experience but I do think it affects you differently if you don’t experience any heterosexual attraction at all. Like I see people saying Shane is traumatised or repulsed by his sexual experiences with women and while I don’t think it was fun for him I think if he was actually repulsed that might have made it easier for him to accept that he wasn’t attracted to women. But he just wasn’t into it the way he thought he should be even if he got off, so he was able to convince himself that there was a woman out there that he would be into like that. Idk this might be super incoherent but it’s one of the things I think RR got right in a way I don’t often see from people who haven’t experienced that specific brand of it themselves.
Yeah I wonder about this too. As usual anon: this got too long
I do think like, the road of "you don't get this because of X identity thing" is a slippery one---not trying to scold you or anything, anon, just describing my own thought process on this and stop myself from falling into easy explanations. That said, I do agree that there's a pretty specific set of comphet experiences that lesbian women have, and book!Shane at least has very lesbian comphet.
This is beside the point a bit, but I think comphet in general has gotten a little bastardized in recent years. I see people use it to describe otherwise gay individuals experiencing rare (and sometimes unwanted) heterosexual attraction. But that's really not what it originally meant. The original meaning was specific---women in particular are taught a life script they are expected to follow, and completion of this life script is a necessary prerequisite to succeed at womanhood. Gotta get a husband, have the kids, have the house. Any other version of life is failure. This happens even to straight women: Emma fucking Watson has talked about feeling like a failure for not having done this by 30. Shane appears to be feeling this kind of comphet. He knows he needs a wife for life script reasons, and is determined to make it happen.
But for lesbian women it also takes on a painful sexual aspect. It's completely normalized in our culture for women to not enjoy sex. So it can take a very long time for a woman to figure out that the sex she's having with men is not enjoyable for reasons of lack of attraction, rather than the guy just being bad at it, or women just not liking sex in general! Shane ALSO appears to have this kind of comphet, which is kinda crazy lol.
That doesn't mean that those experiences are repulsive or traumatizing in the acute sense of say, finding a loved one's body. More just....bad. Not good. Lack of attraction isn't the same thing as repulsion, and Shane even literally says he's not repulsed by sex with women (though of course he's not exactly a reliable narrator):
Lack of attraction is also harder to understand than repulsion. I think most of Shane's experiences with women were somewhere between boring, because he wasn't into it, and humiliating, because as a man he's confronted with the physical proof of his failure to perform heterosexuality properly. He probably also feels guilt about "making" women try to excite him even though it was always a lost cause! I don't think he self conceptualizes those experiences as trauma. I think he just shoves them in a box as soon as he's out to himself as gay.
The thing about Shane that connects his experiences back to that of a woman is that he's an athlete. He's very used to forcing his body into submission, he's used to enduring physical pain and humiliation for...reasons. So that he can be the best on the ice. So that he can fit into the social role that's been carved for him. As presented in HR that's a very female coded experience. Worth noting this is largely because Reid never lingers on Shane feeling a sense of physical strength or power as he moves through the world---this is the thing that changes a male athlete's experience from that of a woman subjugating her body to fit inside patriarchy. By glossing over Shane's reality that he could snap every person he meets in two like a twig, his internal world becomes much more feminine.
Anyway, this all said I do think Shane did a sort of chronic self harm. I've said it before but he basically ran conversion therapy on himself and I don't think in his head it was all that different to training for hockey. And I think that might hit him, eventually, and maybe he could get to a healthier place with processing it---but I think he'd have a hard time seeing this as anything other than something HE did to himself. In which case it's all still sort of his fault, right?
As for how it manifests, I do think that Shane's aversion to topping could be connected. I also think he would 1000 yard stare if Ilya ever suggested a threesome with a woman---mostly jealousy, but also like oh please don't make me do that baby.
i've been rereading the books bc why not and during the halloween scene shane quotes gladiator at ilya bc ilya is literally dressed as a gladiator and ilya is like what. and shane's like ":3 it's from gladiator!!" before ilya is like. weirdo. and rips his clothes off
anyway i always forget about avid plane movie watcher shane. i actually do think he has a letterboxd because he would think it's a helpful way to track what he's watched, just so he feels like he's optimizing time he's technically wasting on flights. he would have pro too. i don't care. he's a millionaire. heres some movies i think he would've rated five stars:
every christopher nolan movie. yes even oppenheimer. sorry.
the martian. shane appreciates a crafty protagonist. what matt damon did with those potatoes is crazy. on that note too any survivalist movie where the protag has to best insane conditions to live. always gets at least 4 stars.
gladiator. of course. in fact i suspect it's actually his favorite movie of all time. the paul mescal remake gets a 3 however.
every single thor movie.
movies he's rated one star:
miracle. this is the disney retelling of one true story miracle on ice where plucky US mens hockey team beats the soviet union for gold in the olympics. finds the protagonists lazy and undeserving of life. the coach is stupid and yells too much. why do they keep mentioning afghanistan. can they put away the music. why is the american national anthem playing right now.
challengers: finds art and patrick insufferable and whiny.
crazy rich asians: a part of it is resentment that he keeps getting asked about this stupid fucking movie when it comes out just because he's asian. but also the movie fucking sucks.
avengers endgame: i feel like he's one of those marvel people that feel deeply betrayed by how everything wrapped up. also they were very mean to shane's favorite character, thor.
Harris is so patient and kind to Troy while he works out all of his anxiety over coming out
Like Troy, who Harris doesn’t even know is gay, keeps showing up to question his gay experience and Harris is like oh you brought me coffee! Are we flirting? Are we friends? What’s going on here?
The Long Game, p. 336
Heated Rivalry (2025)

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’tis heated I guess
Ok role model actually please save me they have Christmas next chapter and I’m going to cry
Let me emotionally destroy you with this reminder of what actually happened in the book 😭
“He’d needed to pull over while driving home that night because he hadn’t been able to see the road through his tears. He’d been so confused and scared and devastated. He should have been going home with Rose, his gorgeous movie star girlfriend, not crying on the side of the road, alone in his car, over an obnoxious Russian hockey player.”
what's important to remember about the 'we didn't even kiss' unsent text is that shane is not mad at ILYA about the sex they had. he leapt readily into the sex, slutty arch that ensnared millions on display etc.
no, shane's in the elevator, biting his lips red, wishing it was ilya's spit he was tasting and he is mad at HIMSELF for wanting to be kissed, for wanting MORE and recognizes (by ilya setting the tone of the sex as competitive -- not personal, by his own estimation of their relationship) that what sex they SHOULD/MUST be having according to the twin torture nexus is not sex where they kiss each other like they need each other's mouth to breathe. 'we didn't even kiss' is 'i, shane hollander, once again want something i cannot have, because that is what i do, lug around a want so ugly and so loud and so mighty that i fear people can read it at a glance across 200 ft of cold, powdery ice.'
Ok tho 2018 me was on something and also I still love my best friend so jot that down

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I just Shane thinking about Ilya in sochi and like as soon as Carter brings up anti gay laws and the danger his immediate thoughts are i need to know he’s not in jail rn, this doesn’t mean anything but I gotta know that he’s safe here in his home country
The cover of "I'll Believe in Anything: The Making of Heated Rivalry, Season 1" by Jacob Tierney has been revealed. On sale October 13th, 2026 (via people)
Shane’s issue is that he’s not in touch with his feelings so he doesn’t really know whats going on with himself or what he’s feeling
Ilya’s problem is that he’d rather die than admit anything and is a professional at avoiding his feelings
“You can come out to your parents without giving them a list of all the guys you’re fucking,” says Ilya Rozanov, way too confidently for a man who has never actually met Yuna Hollander, who will Definitely Ask,
ILYA ROZANOV + BISEXUAL

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AND ANOTHER THING
Shane has had zero good coming out experiences, Ilya hasn’t even told him he wants to come out to people, so like Ilya is like it felt so good to talk about
Shane is better than I am!! He’s only worried about losing his boyfriend, I would have told him “man I wonder what thats like, the first person I came out to laughed at me and told me no shit”
I’d like to say I am glad Troy is reaching out to Ilya because obviously they both could use a friend since like they both don’t really have any
Like I’m so mad at Ilya but obviously he deserves community and support and love and friendship and I’m glad Troy is like using his desire to get better as a chance to reach out to him