The Stupid Little Things - Part 21/? - Carl Gallagher x Reader
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / The rest of the parts
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MENTIONS ABUSE SO YEAH, JUST WANTED TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW XXX
It was those three words. Those three words that I’d been waiting far too long for. Those three words that made me weak at the knees, because in that moment I knew, I knew that he meant them.
And after that there was nothing I could do but forgive him.
I knew something was wrong with her that day, even when she refused to tell me. When I kissed her in the hallway she kissed me back with so much fucking anger and desperation that I knew was nothing to do with me. When she flipped and turned cold on me there was an odd emotion behind her eyes that I’d only seen a handful of times and it scared me shitless. When I told her I loved her she hugged me so tightly I thought she was going to cut my circulation off, she wouldn’t fucking let go of me, I thought she was going to crush me. I was worried because here’s the thing with me and Y/N, I’ll never have a fucking clue what she’s thinking, but she can’t hide her emotions from me.
Sure enough, a few hours after I saw her last my phone lit up. I’d walked her home and she insisted I left almost immediately, she was scared to fucking death that her parents would come back while I was still there. She wouldn’t stop pacing , refusing to sit, refusing to stop.
“Come back to mine,” I said “That way you can stop fucking walking up and down all the time. You could that thing that normal fucking people. It’s called relaxing.”
She shot me a look that was completely unreadable.
“The schools going to call about me skipping all the time. I need to prepare myself. They’re gonna go fucking beserk” She was picking at a piece of cotton on her shirt and I gulped.
“It can’t be that bad?”
She shot me the evil eyes.
“Shit,” I corrected “Maybe it can,”
“Everything that goes wrong is my fault lately,” she said, finally sitting down, but if anything she seemed even more fucking agitated.
“This is my fault isn’t it” I said, trying to sit down next to her.
“No.” she said glumly “No it’s not.”
“Bullshit. I’m a bad influence and you know it. I’m the one getting you into shit. Maybe Alex is fucking right, maybe you should be w-“
She stopped me by pushing her finger to my mouth.
“You speak too much Gallagher,” she said and cocked her head to the side. She looked fucking adorable yes, but also scared. For the first time I realised it wasn’t me she was scared of, all this time I’d spent thinking it was me and I’d fucking figured it out. Whatever she was petrified of wasn’t me.
I kissed her cheek and she smiled weakly
“You need to go Carl, they’ll be here soon,”
“Five more minutes,” I said trying to snuggle up to her arm, making her laugh as she tried to shrug me off.
“Now Carl!” she said, but her grin was almost back so I felt a tiny bit fucking better.
“Fine, fine!” I said, jumping up and brushing my clothes down “We can have crazy kinky sex another time”
She looked at me as though I’d just pushed Lip off of a cliff.
“Relax,” I laughed “I’m fucking joking”
She smiled and walked to the door with me, leaning against the door frame as I left
“I do love you Carl. You know that right?” she said softly and her eyes widened with a hint of fear
“I know” I said and blinked at her “And I fucking love you too”
She smiled so I grinned as wide as humanly possibly, teeth, gums and all that fucking jazz
“Peace out asswipe.” I shouted flipping her off as I ran away, watching her giggle in the doorway.
But as soon as I got home my phone rang, Y/N’s name lighting up the home screen.
It took everything I had not to swear and scream down my side of the fucking line. I could’ve killed them, I could’ve strangled them with my bare hands hearing her try to sob quietly down the line. I could’ve have killed them. My hands were in tight fucking fists as I tried to keep my voice steady. I had to calm. For Y/N’s fucking sake.
“Get your shit,” I said “You’re not living there anymore.”
I heard her squeak a reply.
“I’m gonna get Lip to pick you up. If I get anywhere near that fucking house I’ll knock the both of them out,” I was almost shouting when I remembered she was still on the other side “They aren’t going to lay another single finger on you. Okay?”
She sniffled and my chest lurched.
I ran to my closet, throwing random shit into the biggest bag I could find. I scrubbed at my face, trying to wipe away tears but just turning myself into a redder blotchier mess. I stopped scrambling frantically when I caught myself in the mirror, crumpling at the sight of myself as I tried not to recoil. I lifted a shaky hand to touch my cheek, trying to choke back a cry.
Don’t be a baby Y/N. Keep it together. Don’t fucking blubber like a baby, you’re fine. Everything is fine.
My under eye was badly swollen and already starting to turn purple a giant gash over my right cheekbone. I shook my head refusing to believe that the girl in the reflection was me, before stopping abruptly. Every bone in my body ached and my chest burned when I breathed in.
What did you expect Y/N. You were pushed down a flight of stairs.
I finished packing my bag and scrambled to the window, tapping impatiently on the glass and gnawing on my cheek, waiting for Lip’s familiar car to pull up. I needed to get out, I needed to clear my head, so as soon as I saw his beam lights, I jumped out, bag in hands as I scurried down my ladder.
I threw myself onto the lawn and tried to calm my breathing as I approached the car, watching Lip fly out and run at me, wrapping me in a tight hug and pushing my head into his I breathed a sigh of relief, finally finding some comfort but I stopped myself, jerking away.
You don’t want pity. You don’t do pity. Get yourself together. Get yourself together.
“Let’s get you the fuck out of here,” Lip said, wrapping a protective arm around me and walking me to the car. I nodded.
“This place makes me feel sick”
I pulled myself into the front seat while Lip just stood there, looking up at the house, not moving. I panicked for a second, thinking he was going to run in there and try and beat them up, but he didn’t. He just spat at the house and got in the car.
It was freezing so Lip turned the car heaters on high, neither of us speaking. We were sitting in silence, watching the windows steam up as we tried to avoid the inevitable, as we tried to ignore the elephant in the room. I tried to turn the radio but all there was was fuzzy static, so I gave up and turned my back to Lip. I curled myself into a ball when I heard him lean into the back, pulling a blanket from the backseat and draping it over me. He rubbed my shoulder a little as he let go of it and I snuggled into the warmth. I wanted to forget everything.
There was an even longer uncomfortable silence so I shifted back around to face Lip again, but I winced in pain a little, my ribs tweaking with a dull ache as I moved. Lip’s face was flooded with pity and concern and I wanted to throw up, I wanted to hit somebody.
“Jesus Fucking Christ Lip, don’t look at me like that.”
He looked at the road instinctively as if pretending he hadn’t seen me but then his eyes rested back on me and he looked sadder and more worried than before
“I’m not broken okay. I’m not some fragile little thing that needs protecting. I’m perfectly fine”
I ripped the blanket from around my shoulders and threw it into the back again, a scowl plastered on my face., just to prove a point. I was lashing out. Lip just happened to be closest person to me.
“They’ve given you a black eye for fuck sake Y/N. You’re face is bleeding. Somehow I’m not convinced everything is fucking hunkey-dorey.”
I knew he was only worried about me but my skin prickled with irritation and suddenly I was angry with him, even though it wasn’t justified or rational. I just needed somebody to explode on,.
“I KNOW THAT OKAY! I KNOW! BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I’M COMPLETELY AWARE THAT MY PARENTS ARE FUCKED UP, THAT MY LIFE IS SHITTY BECAUSE MY FAMILY BEAT ME UP AND THROW ME DOWN FLIGHTS OF STAIRS! I DON’T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME LIP! I PRETTY FUCKING AWARE!” I was screaming at him, slamming my hand on the dashboard, tears rolling down my face until I stopped. I’d gotten it all out, everything I’d been holing up inside was out in the open and I was frozen. Sat there heavy breathing, sobbing and scrunching my eyes up so I couldn’t watch the world go blurry with tears.
Lip swerved, stopping the car and unbuckling my seatbelt. He lifted me up, letting me sit on his lap and cling to his abdomen, as he rubbed my hair. He didn’t say anything but stroked my hair, circling the bruises on my face with his thumb.
“I’m sorry,” I sniffled eventually, getting a hold of myself “ I’m just freaking out a little”
I climbed back into my seat as Lip started driving again, suddenly glad Carl wasn’t here. I knew he cared too much about me and I knew he couldn’t control himself, he’d start shit. Even though my heart ached for his hugs, if he had come to the house things would have been worse, so I’d have to pour my heart out to him once I got to the Gallagher house. Besides, Lip’s hugs were still fucking incredible. That boy had some solid fucking arms.
I glanced back at him and he caught my eye. He couldn’t stay quiet anymore.
“Have they ever.. have they ever..”
I knew what he wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to even mention them.
“No,” he said softly “Have they ever, you know… done this before?”
He drummed his fingers on the wheel nervously, as if he didn’t want to know the answer
“No.” I said bluntly and I heard him exhale “It’s the first time”
“You don’t sound sure,” he said sceptically.
“Emotional abuse, yeah I’ve been subject to that for months on end. They go through phases, being sickly sweet or… or.. they act like they wish I was dead. I know it sucks but this was the first time they… they… well yeah you get the picture”
“What happened to them Y/N?” he said suddenly “What happened, you know, they used to be so fucking loving. Some of the nicest people I’d met. They used to genuinely care”
“Yeah I know. Seems like fucking lifetimes ago.”
I must have confused him because he cocked his head.
“Pills.” I continued “To answer your questions, pills happened. Pills and fucking alcohol”
At the mention of alcohol, Lip’s back stiffened up and he turned rigid. His eyes widened and a wash of guilt flooded his face. He tried to look back at me but couldn’t meet my eye, resorting to staring blankly at the road.
“Shit Lip! That wasn’t directed at you. You didn’t think I meant that at you did you? I didn’t mean anything, I…” I was stumbling over my words, hoping he wouldn’t turn cold.
“Don’t apologise,” he said blandly “It’s me who’s fucking up my body.”
“Lip,” I said “Look at me,”
He didn’t, he just kept looking ahead.
“Phillip look at me please,”
At the mention of his full name he whipped his head towards me and if I didn’t know Lip any better I would’ve thought his eyes were glazed over.
“You aren’t like them okay Lip. You care. You care about Fiona, about the kids, you care about your education, about getting out of the ghetto. You care about me Lip. They don’t, they don’t care about me or about anything.”
Lip just nodded and gulped.
“You don’t deserve any of the shit you get Y/N, not an ounce of it.”
“Neither do you,” I said, wrapping my arm around his bicep and snuggling in close to him. Lip laughed as I hugged his arms.
“I fucking wish,” Lip said, a small smile appearing on his face “I’m a motherfucking nightmare”
I l tried to keep a straight face but when he grinned at me I couldn’t help but break into a smile too . I Looked up at him through my swollen eyes.
“How did I get so lucky with you Gallaghers” I SAID “ With Carl and friends like you I’m set for life,”
Lip inhaled sharply and smiled wider, although it almost seemed false, he almost seemed tense as if he was trying to hide something from me.
“We’re the lucky ones you dipshit.” He said “But Carl’s the fucking luckiest. The fucking luckiest dude in the world and he doesn’t even fucking realise it”
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