i think s jus the retrograde . . i pray s jus the retrograde that’s makin me feel so empty . . and needy for m ex becuz ‘ve been doin so good not thinkin abt him . we had a phone call in march that ended on a bad note and since then , ‘ve been okay with not speaking to him . but then , i guess the fourth of july hit and since then he’z been at the back of my mind again . [ i’ll refer 2 him as stone on here ]

i took the chance of contacting him , on saturday i think . jus two texts and a link 2 m insta cuz the last time we broke no contact , he asked 4 m socials cuz he jus wanted 2 see me . i dunno what it is abt Him that i can’t get over .

m other ex , the one i actually saw on the fourth , we’ve already blocked one another everywhere again LOLLL and it doesn’t bother me . i don’t think abt him at all during my day to day [ we’ ll call him aggy ] . but Stone . . . . i dunno . he makes me feel things that ‘ve Never felt before . n s not like i hvnt Tried to feel it again . m open 2 other potential prospects . i wuz on n off with aggy for abt 3 years and during those 3 years , to be honest , i dont think i ever fell in love with him . i chalk it up 2 jus attachment with him cuz thats what it was . we weren’t compatible at all . i hated his humor , i didn’t like the way he dressed , i never met his parents , we argued like 3 times a week . he wuz jus exhausting . . not 4 me at all .

stone though . . we’ve known each other since we were 14 . i gave him m virginity && first kiss , he took me out on m first date when we were 18 . <- and i know all these things r obviously what builds the first steps to attachment as well , but it’s not even these that i focus on when i think abt him . it’z jus a lot . when i saw him for the first time again in like 3 and a half years in nov 2024 , it wuz like no time had passed . i feel like i think abt that night a lot .

he kept givin me litl touches , even rubbed his hand over m heart at one point , kept staring at me , talked to me all soft . no other guy has touched the place in m heart , mind , n soul the way stone has . i feel so hypocritical cuz i Do judge ppl who can’t get over their exes . . life’s all abt new experiences , moving on , growing , i know that . but i feel like stone jus has me stunted .

i hv hobbies , i’ll go on a date here n there , i go out with friends , i spend time w family , i spend time w myself yet he’z alwyz jus kinda There . . at the back of my mind . i can’t even tell someone what it is , why he seems to have a hold on me cuz we haven’t had a Real convo in nearly a year . i don’t know where he lives , where he works , his fav sports team , or cigarette brand . . . i’d like to chalk it up as tho i’m just attached to him too but it’s not jus that . .