“Look I’m not-” she let out a frustrated breath and stared at her hands tangled together in her lap. “These feelings are new to me. I’m 36, I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Never have been with anyone before. Out of choice. But now...” she raised his gaze to him, to his damn beautiful eyes that knew her so well. “Now I’m with you. And I’m happy that I am. But you have to understand- I might not be able to give you everything you want.”
He wanted to tell her that he was in the same boat with her, that he hadn’t been with anyone since Lorien, that he feels just like, but it wasn’t true, not really. He had partners on Lorien, he knew what it was like to want someone. Lexa didn’t, hadn’t until recently. Instead, he nodded and placed both of his hands on top of hers.
At that, Lexa was speechless. Her eyes darted around Crayton’s face, the soft smile on his lips, the understanding in his eyes. Her lungs felt as if they were being crushed by bricks, by her own feelings that she wanted to run away from or tear them apart, but he needed to understand and she needed to finally be free.
“Okay. Rules.” she took a deep breath and brought Cray’s hands to the side of her body. She could feel the weight of his body shifting on the mattress by her side and his hands stiffening on her curves of her stomach. His eyes widened a little and redness spread across his face and for a moment she thought he was about to run away. “From here...” she dragged his hands to her waist. “To here. On my back too, but not on the front.”
He blinked a few times, and nodded too, more than what she needed. “Okay.”
She lifted his hands and put them halfway on her thigh, then pushes them to her knees. “And from here to there.”
Lastly, she placed his hands to her shoulders. With that, Crayton didn’t need help. He brought one of them to her cheek, feeling the skin on her neck as he trailed up, her jaw under his thumb. It felt like an age before Lex spoke again, her voice quiet as a whisper. “You can hold my hand too, and hug me, and kiss me. When we’re alone, if you don’t mind. That’s all I can give you right now.”
He stroked her cheek back and forth, and something sparked in his eyes. Something of innocence, almost pleading. “That’s all I want right now,” he leaned closer and pressed further on her cheek.
In that moment, for the first time in her life, Lexa felt needed. She caught him in a kiss and Cray gasped in surprised nearly falling off the bed, but a heartbeat later he pushes himself to her again, putting his hands on her hips like she showed him while she cupped his face.
They hadn’t kissed like this since their first kiss, he realized, and she took him off guard that time too. He let her take the lead, experimenting with every tilt of her head, and opened his mouth to let her do what she wanted with it. It was a bit awkward, he won't lie, but he didn't kiss anybody in 11 years, so it was partly on him too.
Her fingers ran through his hair and settled at the back of his neck, playing at the edges there. Lex felt, almost drunk, to be true. Most of all, she felt good. He was patient with her, slow, and his kissed were always pleasant, even if she was afraid of them.
She broke free for air, panting with swollen lips. Cray's eyes were heavily lidded and his palms were open on her back, outstretching, reassurring. Some of the weight in her chest had gone out, and there was only air now inside. Like clouds.
Cray nodded at her and kissed her face, so gently she barely felt it. "You're welcome, Lex."
gracieabrams
pixelskylines
areudirty
germansingergirl
