woman listens to song she used to love when she was fifteen 10 dead 20 injured 

she's in a better place now (her bedroom)

girls will have realizations and immediately pretend they didnt have them

every day i wake up and mourn the heinous fact i’m not a vampire

the line between not going out as an act of self-care and not going out as a symptom of depression is but a gossamer thread

im the prettiest canary in this mine

what the fuck is that smell

i go outside after a long day at the office and stretch my arms wide. birds of prey sweep down from every direction and tear me into ribbons of gore with their talons and beaks and their talons and beaks and their talons and their beaks

foreplay is not the kissing right before he fucks you, foreplay is the 32 hours you spend torturing him in a shipping container before you even let him see you naked

baby i fuck you 🐜 ant style

has sexwith you like an ant

hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad

wait wtf is cream soda

cause when we're creaming and popping...

we’re cropping?

we're peaming

blue-haired liberal sounds like the name of a delicate endangered species of bird

divorce is so funny. like never mind

if the world ran out of salt tomorrow i woouldnt even notice because i would have lready killed myself a week earlier when my sources informed me of the impending disaster