Your Name is Karkat Vantas

karkat morgan freeman is the very reason my toe looks completely fine have you learned nothing from the lessons i have been tossing out like ones all over the flashy stage belonging to the most fabulous of firemen in sparkling flame hot short shorts 

that being the least sexual way i could ever phrase that there is nothing too severely great about firemen in hot hot flaming red sparkle short shorts 

okay so maybe a little 

my updates are too ensure that someone knows im alright in case my toe takes a turn for the worse and i go into final fantasy: cardio arrest the final short series i cant go down that way man 

theres no telling what the press will say those headliners cant be my final words i need something meaningful 

a question with no answer a pun something that isnt well he definitely kicked that bucket and stubbed his toe while he was at it 

...

  IT’S WHATEVER. I’M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT MYSELF. I’M JUST. TRYING TO PUSH MYSELF. BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SPENDING TO MUCH TIME LOCKED AWAY TERRIFIED OF INTERACTING WITH NEW PEOPLE.

I’M NOT EXACTLY MISTER SWEET SUNSHINE MYSELF. THOUGH I AM WAY MORE GENTLE THAN I USED TO BE. I GUESS. SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

SO WE’RE KIND OF CODDLED AWAY IN THE SAME BOAT. INTERACTION HASN’T BEEN MY FORTE SINCE MY SESSION. SO WE’LL JUST SWEEP THAT MISUNDERSTANDING UNDER THE RUG BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY SPRING CLEANS WHEN YOU CAN SHOVE EVERYTHING BENEATH THE FURNITURE. MY ROOMMATE, THAT’S WHO. AND I GUESS i’M A CULPRIT TOO, GIVEN THAT I’D PREFER OUR FEUD BE FORGOTTEN THERE AS WELL. I’M NOT EXACTLY FOLLOWING, BUT I HAVEN’T EXACTLY HEARD OF A HORRORTERROR OR.. MAYBE I’M NOT REMEMBERING IT?? MY MEMORY ISN’T ALL ON PAST DIALECTS. 

MOST OF US DON’T EVEN REMEMBER,

ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I’M SHIT CAUSE I’M PRETTY CONFIDENT ON MY KNOWLEDGE OF THAT FACT. I DON’T NEED SOME ALTERNATE SWINGING IN TO TRY AND SCHOOL ME ON THE MANY WAYS I AM DIRT AND DON’T DESERVE THE NAME. MAYBE I *LIKE* WALKING AROUND AS A GIANT PIECE OF IRONY?

NOT REALLY. THE STRANGE PART HAPPENS TO BE I’M NOT EXACTLY AGAINST IT. IT’S.. FUNNY. AS IN, I ACTUALLY FOUND HUMOR IN THE FACT SOME ALTERNATE OF MINE IS WANDERING AROUND WITH THE FUCKING TITLE OF A KING. I’M NOT AGAINST IT AND DON’T TAKE ANYTHING I SAY SERIOUS. I CALL EVERYONE DIRT. MUD? YEAH NO. THAT’S WET DIRT. 

UGH. LOOK. MAYBE IT’S NOT A GREAT IDEA TALKING TO ME. I’M PRETTY OFFENSIVE AND I LACK ANY FUCKING CLASS. IT’S JUST.. BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE TALKED TO ANYONE. YEARS EVEN. I’M NOT EXACTLY POLISHED ON THIS. 

BUT WAIT!! PLOT TWIST!!

YEAH WELL.

I. CAN SOMETIMES BLOW SHIT UP WAY BIGGER THAN IT HAS TO BE TOO SO. SORRY I FUELED THE SHIT FIRES.

KING?? THAT’S A HILARIOUS THOUGHT AND HONEST FUCKING JOKE ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM. CONGRATULATIONS TO THAT- APPARENTLY EVERYONE IS A FUCKING IDEAL CITIZEN OF IRONY TOWN. HAH. HAHAHAH. LOOK, I’M LAUGHING AT THE FORSAKEN IRONY THAT’S BESTOWED ON ME TONIGHT BY THE “KING.” 

HEY YOU COULD HAVE JUST ACCEPTED THE LIKE AND MOVED ON. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO- SIGH.

YEAH JUST. FUCK THIS WHOLE ARGUMENT THING IT’S POINTLESS CONSIDERING I’M PRETTY SURE WE COULD BOTH GO ON AND ON TIL THE END OF THE GOD DAMN MULTIVERSE.

YEAH WELL. THE MULTIVERSE COULD AND COULDN’T COME ANY FASTER, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO ARGUE THERE. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A PRETTY VALID POINT BECAUSE I WAS PREPARED TO POP AT LEAST THREE PAIN KILLERS AND FIGHT WITH YOU UNTIL THE SUN FUCKING COCKADOODLE’D ITSELF INTO MY FUCKING CORNEA’S IF I HAD TO. WE’RE STUBBORN AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I AVOID MOST OF MY ALTERNATES IN THE SHEER FACT THAT I TYPICALLY FALL INTO A PISS FIT OVER THE MOST REDUNDANT AND PATHETIC PLAYGROUND HARASSMENT POSSIBLE. 

I CAN... SOMETIMES BLOW THINGS OUT OF PROPORTIONS. 

....