iβve officially been on testosterone for about a month and a half now after knowing itβd probably be apart of my transition journey for like 4-5 years
and it is SO weird! when i seriously started to pursue actually starting it, there was like this weird questioning of whether of not i deserved too, was i trans enough?? what if i got on it and immediately regretted?? what if iβve actual been faking the whole trans thing this whole time!
and since getting on it like that whole line of questioning has stopped, if anything i feel MORE trans. because like why the fuck do i still look like me. why arenβt major changes happening. why do i still have to wait!!
itβs this weird like purgatory iβm in. while like the subtle changes iβve experienced (some bottom growth, more hair on my stomach, very light hair growth on my face) are so affirming! but theyre so slight that like. it doesnt feel like a big enough change, i need to pass as a man NOW. or else i die. and i know the changes i want will come with time, and my next appointment in 3 months, i will be upping my dose to the max (iβm on a middose right now, because as stated before there was that whole βam i even trans or am i performativeβ line). but itβs like not enough, i need it now. and that is my tidbit οΏΌ
