Count Harken of Badlock

Im a tree and @countharkenbadlock is half tree-creature, We could be having the ultimate tree yaoi romance rn but nooooo Harken wants to kill people

Well, I don't kill trees.

You'd better not. Your father is a tree sometimes and I don't want you bringing that kind of energy into our family.

I've been meaning to ask, mother, do you have any advice for dating trees? Unrelated to the above conversation, of course.

I will investigate. I thank you for your advice, mother.

Im a tree and @countharkenbadlock is half tree-creature, We could be having the ultimate tree yaoi romance rn but nooooo Harken wants to kill people

Well, I don't kill trees.

You'd better not. Your father is a tree sometimes and I don't want you bringing that kind of energy into our family.

I've been meaning to ask, mother, do you have any advice for dating trees? Unrelated to the above conversation, of course.

My father tasked me with hunting down this dude but he's travelling with this really cute girl, do y'all think she'll like me if I show them how powerful I am??

She wasn't impressed with my magically poisoned village but the dude had to use some artifact to heal them (instead of doing it himself) so I'm counting this one as a win

Guys she doesn't like my murder birds???

I killed her dad. Do you think I can still come back from this

You can do anything if you put your mind control powers to it, son!

I tried to get this English nobleman to get the other guy out of the way for me but now HE wants to marry her TOO. I think she has mind control powers too 😍

Yes, this is a momentous day as i generally dislike fearing for my life. I invite you to a banquet in my castle to celebrate this new friendship! Please bring a side dish for the table, no mutton because Mabon is allergic. Also do not harass my wife please

How beyond expectations! I imagine it will be an enormously joyful occasion. I am very excited to meet your children. I have recognized your challenge and I will meet it with the full extent of my powers.

Im a tree and @countharkenbadlock is half tree-creature, We could be having the ultimate tree yaoi romance rn but nooooo Harken wants to kill people

Well, I don't kill trees.

My father tasked me with hunting down this dude but he's travelling with this really cute girl, do y'all think she'll like me if I show them how powerful I am??

She wasn't impressed with my magically poisoned village but the dude had to use some artifact to heal them (instead of doing it himself) so I'm counting this one as a win

Guys she doesn't like my murder birds???

I killed her dad. Do you think I can still come back from this

Your failures are my gain. I comforted her after the death of her father and she now looks at me with more love than anyones looked at you. Keep going i am reaping the benefits

This idiot can't even get a wife by himself? At least some of us are putting in the work!

Big talk from the cradle snatcher

She loves me. She doesn't love you.

Woah buddy love is a strong word

man up and just take this L

Honestly imagine having to rely on a magic spider web for your magic + not having the intricacies of the Realm of Enchantment taught to you by your Actual Magician Father kinda cringe honestly

I was born out of love. Your “parents” made you just to chase me and nothing else. Watch it

Are you sure? I thought your parents died a long, long time ago... when you were still so young...

Im sure. My parents loved each other, your dad picked your mother from a lineup with the intention of having offspring that could leave africa

yeah, he chose her from a lineup of many beautiful women. how many possible wives did your dad have? didn't your kingdom have like 50 people in it?

I do not count success by the number of suitors one has, i count success by the amount of love in ones heart ♥️

Your parents are literally dead

I make timoken such an asshole i dont know why lol

/* I was also just going to make pretentious and manfailure posts but they're these two are soo aggressive towards each other XD */

You murdered her husband and took her kids cause ur lowkey a control freak. Me personally i went for the hands off approach and at least half of them were relatively okay after

My father tasked me with hunting down this dude but he's travelling with this really cute girl, do y'all think she'll like me if I show them how powerful I am??

She wasn't impressed with my magically poisoned village but the dude had to use some artifact to heal them (instead of doing it himself) so I'm counting this one as a win

Guys she doesn't like my murder birds???

I killed her dad. Do you think I can still come back from this

Your failures are my gain. I comforted her after the death of her father and she now looks at me with more love than anyones looked at you. Keep going i am reaping the benefits

This idiot can't even get a wife by himself? At least some of us are putting in the work!

Big talk from the cradle snatcher

She loves me. She doesn't love you.

Honestly imagine having to rely on a magic spider web for your magic + not having the intricacies of the Realm of Enchantment taught to you by your Actual Magician Father kinda cringe honestly

I was born out of love. Your “parents” made you just to chase me and nothing else. Watch it

Are you sure? I thought your parents died a long, long time ago... when you were still so young...

Im sure. My parents loved each other, your dad picked your mother from a lineup with the intention of having offspring that could leave africa

yeah, he chose her from a lineup of many beautiful women. how many possible wives did your dad have? didn't your kingdom have like 50 people in it?

My father tasked me with hunting down this dude but he's travelling with this really cute girl, do y'all think she'll like me if I show them how powerful I am??

She wasn't impressed with my magically poisoned village but the dude had to use some artifact to heal them (instead of doing it himself) so I'm counting this one as a win

Guys she doesn't like my murder birds???

I killed her dad. Do you think I can still come back from this

Your failures are my gain. I comforted her after the death of her father and she now looks at me with more love than anyones looked at you. Keep going i am reaping the benefits

This idiot can't even get a wife by himself? At least some of us are putting in the work!

Honestly imagine having to rely on a magic spider web for your magic + not having the intricacies of the Realm of Enchantment taught to you by your Actual Magician Father kinda cringe honestly

I was born out of love. Your “parents” made you just to chase me and nothing else. Watch it

Are you sure? I thought your parents died a long, long time ago... when you were still so young...