do you live in seattle (the american city)?
yes
no
please reblog to get this poll out of my bubble, i want reach
Do you live in Cape Town (the South African city)?
Yes
No

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@coral-skeleton
do you live in seattle (the american city)?
yes
no
please reblog to get this poll out of my bubble, i want reach
Do you live in Cape Town (the South African city)?
Yes
No

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Imagine if you met someone who can't eat watermelon. Not that they're allergic or unable somehow, but they just haven't figured out how to do that. So you're like "what the hell do you mean? it works just like eating anything else, you open your mouth, sink your teeth in, take a bite and chew. If you can bite, chew and swallow, you should be able to eat a watermelon."
And they agree that yes, they do know how to eat, in theory. The problem is the watermelon. Surely, if they figured out where to start, they'd figure out how to do it, but they have no clue how to get started with it.
This goes back and forth. No, it's not an emotional issue, they're not afraid of the watermelon. They can eat any other fruit, other sweet things, and other watery things ("it's watery?" they ask you). Is it the colour? Do they have a problem eating things that are green on the outside and red on the inside?
"It's red on the inside?"
Wait, they've never seen the inside? At this point you have to ask them how, exactly, they eat the watermelon. So to demonstrate, they take a whole, round, uncut watermelon, and try to bite straight into it. Even if they could bite through the crust, there's no way to get human jaws around it.
"Oh, you're supposed to cut it first. You cut the crust open and only chew through the insides."
And they had no idea. All their life this person has had no idea how to eat a watermelon, despite of being told again and again and again that it's easy, it's ridiculous to struggle with something so simple, there's no way that someone just can't eat a watermelon, how can you even mange to be bad at something as fucking simple as eating watermelon.
If someone can't do something after being repeatedly told to "just do it", there might be some key component missing that one side has no idea about, and the other side assumed was so obvious it goes without mention.
Yep.
https://drmaciver.substack.com/p/how-to-do-everything had a nice list of additional examples like this, with (non-)obvious major insights with regard to opening stitched bags, cleaning your bathroom floor, using a search engine, catching a ball, pinging somebody, proving a theorem, playing sudoku, passing as “normal”, improving your writing, generating novel ideas, and solving your problem.
If you’d asked me six months ago how to get better at something, I’d probably have pointed you to how to do hard things. I still think this is a good approach and you should do it, but I now think it’s the wrong starting point and I’ve been undervaluing small insights. [...]
I think my revised belief is that if you are stuck at how to get better at something, spend a little while assuming there’s just some trick to it you’ve missed. You can try to generate the trick yourself, but it’s probably easier to learn it by observing someone else being good at the thing, asking them some questions, and seeing if you have any lightbulb moment.
My fiance played the clarinet when he was in school. When he was first learning to play, he rented an instrument from the school to learn on. He was the last chair clarinet, had been for years, because he could not make notes that required the register key. For years, they kept making him do embrature exercises and he started to get a few notes, with lots of effort. Eventually he had to get private lessons to stay in band.
Every time he tells me this story, his frustration by this point in the story, years later, is evident. He still sounds frustrated by it, despite all the time that passed. Teachers had been giving him crap for years because he hadn't been making much progress with the instrument.
When he got to the private instructor, she acknowledged his frustration, and asked him to try to play for her. He did, and she saw all he was doing. She then did something no one else had done before. She asked him to put his mouthpiece on a different clarinet and try to play the same notes. Like magic, it worked. She looked at the clarinet he had been using and found that the school's clarinet needed it's pads replaced.
He went from last chair to first chair nearly overnight, having been taught far more techniques than typically taught at that age just to overcome the broken instrument preventing him from making noise.
Sometimes you don't need to brute force a problem. Sometimes your clarinet is just broken.
Not quite sure why the clarinet addition got me crying, but here you go people: just in case, let's get you some new pads.
I keep seeing this shit during pride month and honestly im starting to feel like it’s hopeless. it’s hard to feel empathy from others as a male SA survivor already and now im realizing that no one gives a fuck if we do get harmed
Maybe he just doesn't think he passes and decided to use the men's room to make her feel less uncomfortable, despite him feeling like he'd be safer in the women's room?
cis women need to leave us the fuck alone tbh. why the fuck are they so obsessed with bathroom purity
I saw this original post on twitter. The OP is transfem and uses they/them pronouns.
Jesus fucking christ. Why do people feel so comfortable "validating" trans men by calling them scary. It's not funny. Being seen as a threat can be deadly for a trans person and a transfem of all people should understand that.
It's because many of the people who do that see being a threat as the only defining quality of manhood, to them, being a man is synonymous with being a predator
yeah but isn't transgenderism about, like, defining what gender means to you in a positive way not just following and enforcing the most toxic gender stereotypes?
1. Being transgender, not transgenderism, the latter is frequently used by transphobes to make trans people sound scary and like we're some strange cult trying to convert people
2. Yeah, but that doesn't stop bullies from being bullies. It also doesn't stop people with a genuine internalized fear of men to the extreme of immediately classifying all men as dangerous predators from acting upon that fear
Collecting Stardust
This is my last piece for Funguary! The final theme is Cosmic, and I chose to draw some cortinarius iodes! The spots on their cap kind of look like stars, so I wanted to make something whimsical, fun and space themed for this final piece!
I’ve had so much fun participating in this challenge over the years! Thank you @feefal for creating such a fun drawing challenge, it’s been an absolute joy to see so much amazing mushroom art every February!!

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reading a historical romance novel and reflecting on the way these stories often present woke nobility for the contemporary reader. a big thing is servants. you can’t not have servants in those times but many modern readers think “but I would never have servants. it would be so weird to have servants” and in order to make the protagonists of the story more relatable they are actually friends with the servants. but flip your perspective and think of it from the side of the servants. wouldn’t it be so awful if your boss was always trying to be friends with you. a really common thing you’ll see is the woke baronet having tea in the kitchen with the servants bc he’s not like other baronets. but what if your boss wanted to hang out and talk during your lunch break every day. not so charming when you think about it that way
#okay but now what is the optimal way to be a good boss in this situation i genuinely wanna know#its easy to guess what makes a bad boss or a mid boss. but what is a good boss#specifically in such a highly structured hierarchal situation (via @rainbowroach)
HELLO you are asking questions that literature and poetry THROUGHOUT the middle ages has asked, and it is from this questioning that we derive things like the Codes of Chivalry (which is not "how to treat a noble lady really nice" but is actually "how to be an ethical person when you're rich and you own a horse" and includes such things as "don't run people over with your horse")
In fact I daresay you already know instinctively just from cultural osmosis what a good boss -- a good liege lord -- is and does based on the tropes that have survived to the current day and the kinds of things that get Hugely Praised in things like legends of King Arthur.
A good boss (liege lord) is:
Merciful. He is not having his peasants killed for things like poaching rabbits during a famine. In fact, he is working to mitigate famine. During times of individual hardship, he might negotiate with a peasant for a payment plan on their annual rent.
Patient. He is not impulsive, he does not lose his temper.
Prudent. He makes choices that are thoughtful, considered, conservative (in the sense of not needlessly risky--he's not investing his entire fortune in having everyone plant an unproven crop). He is making sure local infrastructure like roads and public buildings are maintained and kept in good nick.
Gentle. He doesn't haul off and slap a servant or a tenant for breaking a dish or making a mistake. He doesn't abuse animals, his wife or children, or his employees. He doesn't rape the servants.
Generous (both in money and in spirit). He is not extorting the peasants for an amount of rent that is beyond their means, he is not raising taxes every year to cover his own lavish lifestyle. He is paying his servants a living wage (or, if wages are low, he's giving them room/board/clothing to make up the difference). If someone in a tenant's family dies, the lord is sending a gift of condolence, or helping to pay for the funeral, or possibly even ATTENDING the funeral and speaking a few kind words about the deceased, ESPECIALLY if they were a really upstanding and important member of the community. If one of his tenants is gravely sick, the lord is sending a basket of food or paying for a doctor. He is giving charitably (generally this will be, like, a bequest to the church so that they can run a hospital or an orphanage or a school for the local village children).
Pious. This classically means "goes to church, submits with humility to God" but to me this quality is subtextually standing in for "maintaining an ongoing sense of Perspective that HE'S not god, that there are higher powers he is Accountable to, that he too can be Judged, etc, so that he doesn't end up going on a weird fucked up power trip"
Humble. One of the most admiring things you hear about a lord doing in literature and epic poetry is, "He ate off of wooden plates while his followers ate off of gold and silver." Humility isn't about being meek, it's just about not thinking so much of yourself that you turn your nose up and sneer at what "lesser" people do. In other words: Don't be a fucking diva. If your carriage gets stuck in the mud, climb out and help everybody else push, you're not gonna die from getting mud on your shoes.
Condescending. This word has changed wildly in meaning/tone over the last couple centuries -- it's now a rude thing to do (because we've done away with legal social hierarchies, so someone acting like they're lowering themselves to your level IS insulting), but in older times, a high-ranking person "condescending" to a servant was worthy of praise and admiration: it means they were setting aside rank and privilege to speak to them with the easygoing, friendly respect and compassion they'd give a peer. This is things like... Treats those beneath him with courtesy and respect (ie: listens soberly and attentively when one of his servants or tenants comes to complain about a problem). Having a sense of humor and kindness about it when the lord and a servant both come around a corner at the same time and run into each other and the servant gets knocked to the ground and starts babbling apologies--the condescending (positive) lord helps them to their feet with his own hands and cracks a joke to show them that it's ok (as opposed to just walking off without a word or insulting/scolding them). This is also things like trusting a farmer, woodcutter, or artisan to speak with expertise about their own livelihood and taking their advice into consideration if they tell the lord that one of his ideas won't work.
Good boundaries. The ethical liege lord knows that it's normal for the staff to probably be softly bitching about him in private (even with a really good boss, we all grumble from time to time). He's not eavesdropping on them, he's not going into the staff areas where they should reasonably expect to have a degree of privacy, etc.
Righteous and protective of "the weak". The "weak" here doesn't necessarily mean physically weak, this is often used in the sense of someone politically or socially weak, aka The Marginalized -- the poor, the disabled, women, children, the elderly, etc. If a lord sees someone like this being mistreated or abused, he's supposed to step in and put a stop to that.
Committed to reciprocity. In a highly hierarchical system like feudalism, every person (from the lowest peasant all the way up to the crown prince) legally OWES their liege lord certain things (taxes, labor, service, loyalty, etc). A good liege remembers and takes very seriously the idea that this should be a balanced and reciprocal relationship -- in other words, he owes something BACK. Feudalism is modeled very strongly on the family system: If children owe their parents obedience and service, then parents owe their children care and protection. This still applies when the "child" is a farmer and the "parent" is a local baron. Or when the "child" is a duke and the "parent" is the king.
Basically, we get so caught up in the aesthetics of nobility that we forget that it literally is a managerial position that comes with responsibilities that were... very similar back in the day to the same ones we have now. Humans have not changed all that much. At the end of the day, a really good boss in the 1400s versus in one from the 2020s displays most of the same qualities of personality, even if the details of execution are different.
The next question is, of course, "well, but this theoretical liege lord is HIGHLY idealized -- how often did that actually HAPPEN? Wasn't it more likely that everyone was exploited all the time?" and to that I say: Well, maybe. But again, I don't think humans have changed all that much. Just like the bosses of today, there's a SPECTRUM: A really really good boss is rare and precious and one that you tell stories about for years after you've left that job, but a truly, genuinely, homicidally nightmarish boss is also pretty rare. Most bosses are sort of meh -- they have their good moments, they have their shitty moments, but they're tolerable and you can get along with them well enough to do your job, and then you roll your eyes at them behind their back. Generally, humans don't take outright exploitation lying down. Being a bad boss in the historical period is how you get peasant uprisings and revolts, and you know that to be true because your parents raised you with that knowledge, so unless you are very stupid or inbred or an egomaniac, there is literal personal incentive to at minimum be a Tolerable liege lord. And that means hitting at least SOME of the above bullet points.
TL;DR: In the words of Honore de Balzac, "Everything I have just told you can be summarized by an old word: noblesse oblige!"
(for more discussions of the ethics of fealty and what it means to be a good boss when you are an exquisitely beautiful twink of a prince with a hot beefy bodyguard.... [fingerguns] read A Taste of Gold and Iron)
I keep seeing this shit during pride month and honestly im starting to feel like it’s hopeless. it’s hard to feel empathy from others as a male SA survivor already and now im realizing that no one gives a fuck if we do get harmed
Maybe he just doesn't think he passes and decided to use the men's room to make her feel less uncomfortable, despite him feeling like he'd be safer in the women's room?
cis women need to leave us the fuck alone tbh. why the fuck are they so obsessed with bathroom purity
I saw this original post on twitter. The OP is transfem and uses they/them pronouns.
Jesus fucking christ. Why do people feel so comfortable "validating" trans men by calling them scary. It's not funny. Being seen as a threat can be deadly for a trans person and a transfem of all people should understand that.
It's because many of the people who do that see being a threat as the only defining quality of manhood, to them, being a man is synonymous with being a predator
ive been taking a mandatory critical thinking class in college (honestly no complaints, ive always loved logic and this has been a surprisingly decently comprehensive and interesting class)
but sometimes it drops little things like this:
which. a) that's absolutely wild and TIL material. what the fuck. (wikipedia says versions of the treamill for power actually predate corporal punishment, but yes, in the 1800s prisoners were forced to use them as punishment. altho i would quibble at the word "torture." the point was more "indentured survitude" or "slavery," as the treadmill still like. did stuff. it wasn't JUST for the sake of pain, just free unethical labor. as opposed to something like solitary confinement, something designed just for torture reasons.)
b) all of that said this is how 95% of the notes on any given popular post sound
I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

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A tin box of danish butter cookies of inconvenience. When you want a snack, it's a sewing kit. When you need to sew or patch something up, it's butter cookies. If you open it but you don't need anything at the moment, it's empty
“People should pass a test before being allowed to have kids.” “Isn’t it scary how white people have this inborn capacity for evil?” “I’ll never pass because males and females have different skull shapes.” “Autistic people have a stronger sense of justice than anyone else.” “I don’t want AMABs in my space because they’re dangerous.” “You shouldn’t have access to hormones if you dress like THAT.” “Anyone who does something that awful isn’t human.” “Some people really shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”
This is eugenics. This is phrenology. THIS IS NAZI SHIT, YOU ARE A LEFTIST BUYING INTO NAZI SHIT. YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO NAZI SHIT.
Maybe this is a hot take but the gendered segregation of bloodsports is just as pants-on-head ridiculous as the gendered segregation of any other sport.
Like. This is a fucking game. Two boxers fighting one another in a ring are two gamers playing a game together. I cannot stress the extent to which boxing, MMA, et al are games created and pursued primarily for idle amusement. Just because the game is happening in a ring as opposed to on a pitch doesn't make it less of a game. We are Playing Toys when we glove up and clobber each other. It is For Fun. They're dangerous games, to be sure, but the danger is the chief source of amusement for the participants and the audience. The boxers wouldn't be boxing if they hated boxing.
"If we did co-ed boxing there would be Men Beating Up Women 😡" Last time I checked a fight requires at least 2 active participants unless you're just beating up on yourself alone like Edward Norton in that movie. And as I said above, I presume nobody would pursue a career in boxing if they didn't like doing the boxing.
And moreover, maybe I'm just a hashtag 90s kid but I grew up being constantly innundated with messages about how girls are just as tough as boys and can do anything boys can do. "Fight like a girl" was an inescapably popular slogan. And it was all very nice and heartwarming and inspirational. So I take serious umbrage with the notion that competing in a co-ed fight league equates to "men beating up women" because, here in the real world, the women would lay out the men just as often as the reverse, and this implicit assumption that women are by majority soft, delicate, helpless creatures simply unfit for participation in physical culture has got to be one of the least feminist things I've ever heard.
Fighting (and weightlifting) would be some of the easiest sports to convert into a co-ed model cause they already have weight classes within the gender segregated versions to keep the sports fair. It really wouldn't be that hard to just combine the two halves into one thing. And this is also what prevents the thing that everyone is so scared of happening from happening. You wouldn't get a massive mountain of a man beating up a tiny woman in co-ed boxing, because they'd be in two different weight classes. If the massive mountain of a man were to fight a woman, he'd be fighting a massive mountain of a woman, and if a the tiny woman were to fight a man, she'd be fighting a tiny man. Thats how these sports already work. (This is also why the argument against letting trans people compete in the gendered categories matching their identities falls flat, people think if you let a trans woman compete in womens boxing that she'd dominate all her opponents, when in reality she'd be in the weight category that ensures her opponents give her fair fights. But that's a different conversation)
The real reason most sports, including fighting, are gender segregated, isn't because men would automatically dominate, quite the opposite actually, it's because the men would not win every single time and would lose to women more often than one would assume. And because our patriarchal society devalues anything women are good at, sports as a whole would be devalued. And that devaluing of womens work, talents, interests, and accomplishments is the real problem that needs to be addressed
@coral-skeleton i just don't think that's accurate! like as a trans person fully in favor of coed sports I don't think the thing you said is true.
This isn't actually a philosophical or moral question; the idea that women would be competitive with men of the same weight class is a question of facts and you can answer it with data. and the data says that's not right!
here are the current world records for men's and women's weightlifting. they are, as you say, broken down by weight class. the classes don't quite line up, but you can pretty clearly see that the men's records, for every single class, are way way way higher than the women's records for that class. They're way way way higher than the records for women 10kg heavier than that. In fact you have to go all the way up to the highest, unlimited weight class for women before you see scores any higher than the lowest available weight class for men.
testosterone affects some things more than others, and it turns out one of the things it affects the most is grip strength. Only one woman in a hundred has as much grip strength as a significantly-below-average man. This is a fact about hormones and biology that we need to be aware of and reckon with.
Now, of course, this doesn't apply to trans women because we don't have fucking testosterone any more and piles and piles of research has shown that whatever advantages we had fade very quickly after we swap hormones. Not to mention that there's so few of us in any given sport as to be negligible. But this post mostly wasn't about trans people specifically it was about integrating men's and women's sports. Which in fact I think we should still do!
Luckily, "being evenly matched and competing Fairly" is not the only reason to play sports! As OP said, sports are a game, we do them for fun and to challenge ourselves and so on, we don't just play them to win. And there are a lot of other sports that are way less based on specific physical traits that testosterone gives you an undeniable advantage at; weightlifting is almost the worst possible example you could have chosen.
But it's just a fact that if you did do completely gender-blind weightlifting competitions, then no woman would win one of any size basically ever again, and so if "women winning weightlifting competitions" is something you want then they more or less have to be competitions for women only. Or you add some kind of handicap/score adjustment for gender or muscle power or hormonal balance or something, which amounts to the same thing.
You've got a point there, testosterone does affect things differently for weightlifting than it does for bloodsports. I'll edit my original addition to remove it's mention.
That being said, I do think it would be interesting if we were to modify the sport to encourage the use of grip enhancing devices (grip straps, hooks, ect) to eliminate that aspect of it, and maybe change the weight catagories to be based on muscle mass instead of full body mass (cause an estrogen dominant system does make the body store a higher percentage of it's weight as fat than a testosterone dominant system does).
Finished a new piece. I think it speaks to my state of mind. Notice the fine details. :)

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Sort of a continuation of that stupid joke about terminally offline Clark
Writing tips:
“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context
“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets
Both options convey that he's horny
How dare you be funnier than me on my own post