Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope
Long distance relationships pose their own unique set of challenges and test one’s ability to form a close relationship. They are not for the faint of heart. Trust is paramount. Communication is essential. Forming that close bond can be a test of stamina, patience, understanding, trust, loyalty, commitment and stopping the relationship from becoming stagnant. To keep it entertaining, and a little more exciting, W/we have come up with some ideas we would like to share with those of you currently in, or contemplating, an LDR.
Installing Skype is absolutely recommended and your favourite IM program is a must have.
If you have a smartphone you can add these for when you are on the move, at work or just generally away from a PC. Technology is right at your fingertips so use it to its potential.
Communication is the foundation of any relationship. In an LDR it’s the key to success or failure. To help overcome the distance we have comprised this list of how an LDR can be made a little easier to deal with and, hopefully, a bit more exciting and to give some ideas on how to avoid the relationship and time spent together from becoming tiresome.
o This can be done in numerous ways but we have discovered that iTunes, the laptop/pc DVD player or downloading is the best way. (DL at your own risk)
o Try and keep with the same format as movies can and will go out of sync.
o Obviously both partners need to have a copy of the movie.
o Hint. Skip the opening titles (as they can vary) and pause at the very start of the movie, count down 3-2-1 go…
o There’s something for everyone on here. From documentaries, TV shows, clips… it’s all on here. W/we use this all the time. Sync at 3 seconds and you’re good to go.
o Hint. Right click the video and ‘copy link URL at current time’ and send it to your partner. All set to watch with minimum hassle!
o This may not be to everyone’s liking or interest but if both partners have it, use it.
o A simple and inexpensive way to spend time together. One partner reads out loud to the other. Books, iPad, kindle or even magazine articles… use your imagination.
o Trivial pursuit, chess, monopoly…any board game can be played over Skype. Again, use your imagination.
o Home cooked, take-a-way or fast food. As long as you share it together the choice is endless.
o Open a joint tumblr account and share thoughts, post messages, ideas or anything you want to share with your partner.
o I think a lot of LDR couples may overlook the very thing they are communicating with. Send links, clips, stories, music videos… anything of interest, share it.
Communication & commitment
o One advantage to being in a LDR is there’s plenty of time to talk and get to know your partner. There’s no pressure to get physical.
o People may think that in LDRs there’s a lack of communication. That is in fact false. Since there is no “physical contact” people can learn more about each other and really get to know what makes the other person tick. For example, Daddy and I don’t have to guess each other’s likes/dislikes or moods. We know exactly what W/we want.
o Having a computer between the two of you shouldn’t make anything different. This may sound like a contradiction buts it’s still okay not to force a conversation and just enjoy one another’s company. Just be natural.
o There’s no need to ‘tie’ yourself to the computer. You can still be online and do your thing! (Sometimes I may write, kitten may draw or do arts and crafts) It’s about spending quality time together.
For the D/s side to LDR we have come up with some of our own practises and some new ones too:
Rules, discipline & general guidance
o Rules and discipline can be maintained over Skype. Whichever rules can be monitored via video should be enforced. (Example; My girl has a rule to keep her room tidy and clean it once a week)
o Punishments. (Example; If written lines are given as a punishment they can be viewed).
o Use the technology as much as you can to remain consistent.
o Choose her outfits, underwear, footwear, etc.
o Choose which color nail polish or lipstick she should wear.
o If you cannot be there to choose her underwear, have her hold them up a pair at a time and screenshot each item. This way you will have her entire collection at your disposal to choose from. Send her a picture of the day’s choice/s.
o Choose her meals. (Example; She can give you a choice of three)
o Health and fitness can be monitored over Skype.
o Assignments, tasks, etc. can also be monitored.
o Bedtime curfew can be enforced.
o Make sure she has her stuffies and read her a bedtime story.
o Sleep together over Skype.
Remember that Skype can be your eyes and ears into your partner’s world. You can help to decide on new outfits, purchases, home decor or new furnishings, etc. Treat it like you are actually there with them and be involved in decision making and offering help or advice.
Dom’s, have your girl buy a dice. There are so many applications for using this as a tool for discipline. (Blank off #3 which will count as 0 and use it as required)
Orgasm control & discipline
o Have her roll it as and when desired. The corresponding number could be total orgasms for the day.
o Number of days with no touching.
o 3x rolls could be number of spanks, etc.
o Using your own personal touch and imagination can produce limitless uses and make her feel closer to you.
Trust and communication are essential for a successful relationship. Without either of these in place the relationship is doomed for failure. Make every effort to stay in contact with your partner and as often as time allows. Skype every day, if possible, and make every effort to stay in contact during the day, something such as a quick ‘thinking of you’ or ‘hi, how are you?’ can make all the difference to your partners day. Use all available media and technology to communicate. Text, call, email, IM, send photos or a video message. It’s so important to be part of each other’s every day routine and life. Remember special occasions and send cards and gifts. Send your partner a gift to give them a physical reminder of you, something to touch, to hold or to look at. Sending a personal item for them to hold or cuddle can be comforting for those times when the distance can be a little overwhelming. A few examples of what to send:
An item of your clothing (hoodie, sweatshirt, scarf, plaid shirt, etc.)
PJ’s or a ‘onsie’ to wear and sleep in
Do not try to control your partner or question their every move. Give them space to live their normal life outside of the relationship. If you cannot trust your partner and become jealous or suspicious of them this will pretty much guarantee the end of the LDR. Don’t constantly demand to know their whereabouts, what they are doing or who they are with. Trying to monitor them constantly will only show your lack of trust you have towards your partner. It all boils down to loyalty and commitment. Your partner chose to be in an LDR and accepts the challenges a distance relationship brings with it. There’s a fine line between jealously and envy. You may envy your partners friends who can visit them anytime or call to arrange to meet for a coffee. But if you are jealous or annoyed with them, your relationship will suffer and deteriorate. Family commitments, appointments, time with friends, etc. all need to be maintained and encouraged for both partners. If you feel the need to be constantly ‘online’ with your partner for fear they will disappear then you are not living in a trusted relationship. Learn to let go and let them have their freedom. You should be confident and secure in the LDR to know they will always come back to you.
Plans for the future in a committed LDR? Discuss when you are planning on meeting. Set a target date/time of when and where and how often this will take place.
Be supportive and make the effort to be there when your partner needs you. Try and make yourself available to offer comfort and support, especially when the distance can become an emotional strain. Sometimes just making yourself available for your partner is all that is required. Knowing the other person is ‘there’ can be very comforting and reassuring.
If both partners have a demanding schedule then it would be advisable to keep a diary or online calendar. Don’t suddenly spring a prior arrangement on your partner when you have both made plans to spend time together. Trust me, this is very annoying and brings unnecessary strain to the relationship. Again, without wanting to sound contradictory, there may be times when a ‘spur of the moment’ family commitment occurs. This can and does happen, don’t get upset with your partner. I can assure you they will be equally as disappointed as you are!
Not often mentioned in any LDR essay is time difference. For those couples living in different countries this is one of the most difficult, and sometimes stressful, parts to a LDR. Even a few hours’ time difference can be difficult to work around. How both partners deal with this is up to them to decide. There is no right or wrong way to advise on this or approach a solution. Manage your time; be prepared for late nights or early mornings. W/we have a system that works for us. Week days, we have a bedtime set for these nights but at the weekend it’s more flexible. It is very easy and tempting to stay awake when you should be sleeping but I can guarantee you this… you will become constantly tired if you continue in this way and your sleep will be disrupted. Find a system that suits you both and stay within the agreement.
As always, this essay isn’t a definitive guide to a LDR, only suggestions, information, help or advice. Take from this what you will.
Essay 2014 © dominant-daddy & thekinky-littlemermaid
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