deep bite

what yall know abt birdy the mighty

my mom does wildlife rehabilitation and somehow nearly always finds a way to talk about their shit and piss while i am eating. like i will make a meal, sit down in the kitchen, and within 5 mins she walks in telling me abt it. i made a joke and tried to nicely ask her to maybe not do that, and she said “well a squirrel just threw shit at me so” as if that means that general manners and my boundaries do not matter. like, she couldve waited to tell me that. there was no reason i needed to hear it halfway through a taco. its like if something happens to my mom EVERYONE has to know about it

yeahhh im gna die

screaming out tumblr posts as if literally anyone fucking cares hoping and praying that for some reason im seen and heard and truly worried about

got away from my abusive mom after dreaming of it for like a decade, only to be put back right where i was. its like nothing ever even happened

i hate getting like so stressed out that my brain makes me forget shit like after this latest trauma i legitimately can only remember my life via the big bad parts there is almost no inbetween. im really sad about losing all of that. like its there but its so fuzzy and im forgetting the feeling of being happy and loved. i am slowly disintegrating and one day i’ll be dust

like how many times do i need to cry wolf before someone finally takes me seriously?

i genuinely am always there for my loved ones at their worst, or at least try to be. i almost feel honored that *get* to be there for them but at the same time i feel obligated, like i am there anyways so its the right thing to do - support them through what i know is just a moment in the grand scheme of things. like sometimes i feel like im not a person who is meant to live their own life, and instead help others through different ways. i guess i dont really mind but i also dont know any different. so i dunno, it just hurts a lot when they dont do it for me. like all of *my* bad moments are used against me. a tool to remind me i’m not easy to love, that i need to tread lightly, and that my needs and feelings simply matter less. i do my best to take accountability and to communicate properly and kindly, but its just never enough. i will always be too much for everyone around me. i do not agree with it, but that is my reality

i cant take this much longer im getting really worried

sigh girls no one cares about me like actually

telling my dad NO i will not smoke weed w him so he can understand how hurt and upset i am that he always allows and enables my mom to abuse me (this does literally nothing except prevent me from smoking his good weed i am only hurting myself further by expecting anything from anyone)

love love LOOOOVE having my bpd triggered every single day and doing everything i POSSIBLY can to not have a meltdown, only to be mocked and provoked ANY time i express a negative feeling!!!! even when im told to freely communicate anything that bothers me!!! its just a lie!!!! nothing is real!!! (-: (-: (-: (-: (-: (-: (-: (-: (-:

gonna die as the ugliest version of myself lmao

brb jumping out of a window