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KEYS TO SUCCESS 

Every child is different. There is no magic sure-fire method that will work forevery child. Respond to your child’s unique needs and try to make a program fityour child instead of making your child fit into a program 

Wait until your child is ready. Don’t force the child to start just because it fitsinto your schedule. If he is not physically or mentally ready, then you are askinghim to do something he can’t do, and both of you are going to get frustrated. It’sbest to wait until your child is ready and then success will come more quickly

Be positive. Children learn better from praise than from criticism. Imagine that you were learning a new skill and someone criticized you for not doing it perfectly every step of the way as you were learning. Chances are, you would get discouraged and lose your enthusiasm for learning. 

Set small, achievable goals. This way you can baby-step your child to success and create a lot of opportunities for praise along the way. 

Don’t pressure your child. You may feel a lot of pressure yourself from the school or your family, but take a deep breath and try to shut out all judgment and criticism. A reluctant toilet trainer will become even more reluctant if she feels pressure from you. Accept that this process may take many months and that your child won’t be able to relax if you are not relaxed. 

Accept accidents. They are part of any learning process so expect them and make room for them. 

Never punish your child! Kids will likely learn to associate using the toilet with punishment and will resist having anything to do with it. Punishment also sets the stage for family conflict and even abuse. 

Be consistent. Keep the potty in the same place and the toileting routine the same every time. Your child is learning something new and it will be easier if he learns what is expected of him well. Also, make sure everyone who has a part in toilet training your child is on board with your plans. 

Stay involved and observe. Your child’s needs, behaviors and abilities may change frequently and even unpredictably. What worked last week may not work today. Keep in touch with what is going on with your child and try to react by problem solving new solutions instead of keeping the old ones that don’t work. 

Get your family doctor or pediatrician on board. Discuss signs of readiness with your doctor and your toilet training plan. Assess any medical problems or challenges that may make things more difficult. Make sure that constipation is not an issue before you start and that your child’s diet is set up for toileting success. 

The age or length of toilet training doesn’t equate to your child’s intelligence. Don’t worry, kids that toilet train later are just as smart as other kids their age. 

The age or length of toilet training doesn’t necessarily equate to your parenting skills. Some kids are just harder to train and have different learning styles, temperaments, and life situations to deal with at the time of training.

READINESS 

What age is the right age? There is no right age because each child is different. It is more important to watch your child for signs of readiness regardless of their age. It used to be that children were expected to be trained between 2 and 3 years of age or even earlier. Ever since pediatrician Dr. Brazleton introduced the idea of waiting to train until your child is ready, it has slowly become more common to see kids trained later and later. So don’t worry too much if your child is taking her time. Here are some statistics about toilet training just for your information:

On average, kids are daytime bowel trained by 36 months and daytime bowel and bladder trained by 24-48 months. 

Kids may not be nighttime bowel trained until they are 5-7 years old. 

On average, it takes 6 months for daytime bladder training and 6-7 months for daytime stool training. It takes about 6 weeks from sitting on the potty to full toilet training. 

The earlier kids start toilet training, the longer it takes.  Girls usually train faster than boys.

SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD IS READY 

Infants aren’t born knowing how to pee and poop in a potty - they need to first develop the physical and mental skills necessary to be able to control such a complicated process. Your child can’t properly begin toilet training or succeed at it without first developing these skills. Here is a checklist of signs to look for in your child and once you spot all of them, you should wait about 3 months before starting. 

Physical readiness

Sphincter control. You might remember from the poo-torial that sphincters are valves that keep the contents of your bladder or bowel from just leaking out. Adults have the ability to control these valves, but babies don’t have this control until about 18 months of age. It’s a gradual process that takes place over months and even years but children can’t master toilet training until they have control over their sphincters. Usually this starts with nighttime bowel control, followed by daytime bowel and bladder control. But nighttime bladder control may still take years and even older children may occasionally wet their beds because control of their sphincters is still incomplete. 

Awareness of the need to go. Around the age of one, your child may be able to feel their bladder or rectum getting full. He may show this with facial expressions, grunting, crouching, or tugging at his diaper. You may notice it because he stops playing for a moment or go hide in a private corner, or he may just announce that he has to go.

Can stay dry for at least a few hours at a time. 

Urinates a large amount at one time. 

Bowel movements are well formed and fairly regular. 

Able to walk to the toilet. Trying to master toilet skills when your child is just learning to walk is probably too much for her. Waiting until she is more comfortable with this skill is a better idea.

Stable when sitting on the toilet. 

Can pull their clothes on or off on their own. Usually your child won’t have the motor skills for this until about 18 months.

 Other fine motor skills like drawing, looking at books or playing with toys will make it easier for your child to remain interested while seated on the potty.

Mental readiness 

Just ask. One of the best ways to tell if your child is emotionally ready is to see how he responds to the suggestion of using the potty. If he cries or resists the idea, it may not be the right time. 

Follows a two step demand. (Pick up your toy and put it in the toy box). 

Able to communicate the need to go to toilet.

 Able to sit still for at least a few minutes while you read to her.

Imitates behaviors and has social awareness of his peers. This is why watching you, siblings or peers using the toilet can be very motivating for your child to use the toilet. At about the age of 2 ½ - 3, your child will usually start wanting to imitate those he admires, and particularly the same-sex parent so it may be a good idea for your daughter to go to the toilet with mommy or your son to go with daddy. You can ask a trusted friend or relative of the same gender to help you with this. An older sibling is a great person as well but this is often too embarrassing or to much to ask of that sibling. 

Has the desire to please. A large part of your child’s motivation for toilet training will be wanting to see that you are proud of her. 

Puts things where they belong. This is important for understanding the concept of pee and poop belonging in the toilet.

 Ready to do some things independently. He is in the “I can do it!” stage. 

She is out of the extremely resistant stage. For example, the terrible twos. 

Expresses an interest in toilet training 

Your child’s brain There are a lot of steps to going to the toilet that can be complex for your child. He must learn how to recognize the cues his body is giving him, make a link between what he’s physically feeling and the appropriate response, picture what he wants to do, make a plan to get there, actually get there without forgetting what he wanted to do, and then carry out the task. Young children have trouble selecting and prioritizing information they receive from the multiple sensations that reach their brain. They can be distracted easily by noises, a game that they are playing, excitement, and strong emotions. 

They might not be able to tune in to their body telling them they have to go if they are watching a favorite TV show, or are distracted by a loud noise in the kitchen on the way to the bathroom. Kids are also very attached to routine and they may not be able to translate their knowledge into a new environment. They might know perfectly well how to use the toilet at home, but will forget all the steps when at grandma’s house or at the mall. Children are also not very skilled yet at planning for the future, so you have to remind them to go before you leave the house for a trip, even if they don’t have to go urgently. Finally, they can’t always vocalize what they are feeling, especially if they are scared or confused. So if it hurts when they poop or it burns when they pee, they may not be able to tell you until things get really bad.

Signs that your child is not ready 

Doesn’t seem to notice when peeing or pooping in the diaper. 

There doesn’t seem to be a pattern to her bowel movements.  

Pees more than once every few hours. 

Shows no interest in using the toilet. 

Becomes very upset if you even mention toilet training. 

Has a generally negative attitude. 

Is going through a lot of stress, like sleeping problems, a new baby in the home, a new caregiver or parental conflict. 

Stands at the potty and then pees on the floor. 

Resists having the diaper removed. 

Doesn’t seem uncomfortable at all with a dirty diaper. 

Are you ready? 

A questionnaire to help you decide.

Do you feel expectations or pressure from your family or your child’s other caregivers? 

Is your motivation to toilet train the birth of another child, moving to a new home, returning to work or a day care requirement? 

Do you have negative feelings towards diaper changes, accidents, and other issues around bathroom use? 

Do you find it embarrassing or disgusting to talk about? 

Are you the type of person that loses your temper easily?

 If you said yes to any of the above, then you are probably not quite ready to start toilet training. You may want to discuss your motivations and negative feelings with your partner or a friend to figure out how you will deal with them. Re-evaluate and make sure that toilet training is motivated by your child’s readiness and not because of convenience. 

When not to start 

A new baby is due or has just been born.

Your family has just moved. 

Your child has just started a new school or childcare situation. 

You and your partner are having serious problems with your relationship or have just separated. 

Your child is having nightmares or anxiety. 

Your child’s sleep schedule is irregular. 

Your child is in a resistant phase. 

Q&A 

Q - How long should it take to toilet train my child?  A- Every child is different so it could take days or it could take years. On average though it takes up to 6 months to become completely toilet trained after starting, most kids will get from the point of sitting on the potty to using it fairly regularly within 6 weeks. 

Q- I’ve been waiting patiently for signs of readiness in Kelly and trying not to push her, but she is now 4 years old and still doesn’t seem to be ready. I’m worried about her getting teased by other kids so should I start training anyway? A- The general rule here is if it doesn’t bother her then don’t let it bother you too much. If your child appears to feel bad about herself because she is not toilet trained like other children around her, then it may be a good idea to start. It may be that she is ready to learn but may just need a little encouragement from you. 

Q- Should I bowel train or bladder train my child first? A- Since people urinate more often than they have a bowel movement, it’s more likely that your child will successfully urinate while sitting on the toilet first. But it is easier to control having a bowel movement than it is to urinate, so your child may actually master bowel training first. Try to encourage your child to use the potty for peeing and pooping, just don’t expect your child to master both at the same time.

Q- Should I teach my son to pee standing up from the beginning?  A- He may be eager to imitate older boys or male relatives very soon but first make sure he masters urinating sitting down. When he is ready to stand up, teach him to put up the toilet seat first if you are using a toilet. Expect a mess at first. You can encourage him to stand by putting a piece of toilet paper or a floating target of some sort (you can buy special targets in stores) in the toilet for target practice. Some parents even draw a target on the bottom of the bowl using a crayon. Fathers and sons can also compete to see who has better aim.