Ok so the decision to kill off a-train, especially as if this is some great narrative moment pisses me off as a lazy and uninspired move for two semi related reasons
dying is easy, living's harder
Refusing a person the cartharsis of punishment (death)
Like A-Train is definitely one of the more interest characters in this show and I've kind of always been gripped by him because he's actually got some complexity and he acts in complex ways.
So this comes down to the two main things I believe about A-Train (reducing him to two points is sort of an oversimplification of his character so not entirely accurate but bear with)
So, this is best shown in season 2 where he gives Annie and Hughie the dirt on stormfront. Because let's be clear. A-Train does not do this because of a moral grandstanding issue that means all nazis must be purged from the earth. I mean I'm not saying it's not a benefit for him, and his own personal opinions do differ from his drive to act but in his own words, if he wants back in he needs her out because she's a racist fucking nazi, literally, and will do everything in her- quite considerable- power to lock him out.
So, A-Train gets "redemption" (which is a reductive take and a dumb term) because in season 4 he finally turns rat and helps out the boys, not just for his gain but because he feels Vought is wrong. This is after season 3 where he's increasingly mad at vought and homelander for letting bluehawk's racism (and wider vought racism) stand and its direct consequences on A-Train's brother and his community.
But like, okay so in many ways A-Train is a good man, who is doing good things, and maybe often the primary motivtion is looking after him and his own, but so fucking what? Like Hughie was so noble at first, we all start somewhere.
But A-Train will always have been the man he was in season 2, and season 1. He killed a woman and it was an accident- but he wasn't even sorry.
He will always be the man who killed his girlfriend becuase it was easier, he'll be the guy who's complacency and going along to get along started shit, he'll be the guy who drove his brother away.
And A-Train knows this ok? Season 1, he blames Hughie and Hughie doesn't take it, and the way A-Train's voice breaks on the "I know." (Jesse T Usher man)
so. he's got his brother back, and he's doing good and he's not having to play the role he's been forced into as a famous Black man, playing up being a player and unbothered and so chirpy. He's able to Make A Difference for people. To Do Good.
and he will still always be the man who killed his girlfriend and played Vought's games for years and killed people for Homelander. Who killed people by accident because he was hihg and Vought covered it up because A-Train was better than them.
Make him him fucking live with that. He's not Homelander, A-Train has guilt. Killing him off, nothing interesting abotu that. He dies saving Hughie and the Boys, he dies because he doesn't repeat his old mistakes and he gets to go out a saviour who never did anythign wrong now because you dont' speak ill of the dead and he died a hero. A living person can be so much more complex.
MAKE A-TRAIN HAVE TO RATIONALISE WHAT HE DID AND WHAT HE'S DOING.
and don't get me wrong, I'm not trying ot be all he can't move forward/he can't move on, he can, and he was. But moving forward doesn't mean the past has changed. It's like that quote about how grief doesn't shrink but you grow larger around it.
and this is where the selfishness and the canniness come in. Because A-train knows what he's like and who he is and why he's doing what he does. okay. okay?
make this man fucking live and he's a hero and he's done so much good and he's a good man and he has his brother back. He gets to Say He's Sorry and he's still always going to be the man who killed his girlfriend
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