I’m conflicted about how to be a respectful fan and realistic human at the same time. I was leaving out names while writing this but I realized that it was slightly hypocritical of me. So I’m just going to say what I was gonna say and it’s about Ashley Johnson being in the news for filing a restraining order against an abusive ex who I don’t feel like naming.
I 100% understand the impulse and intention of everyone saying to not look up the article or information that came out about this situation. It was irresponsible reporting, it put people in danger, and it was totally intrusive.
However, I also feel weird about saying “don’t look at it!” because us not looking is not going to change the fact that the info is out, the damage is done, and I fear that by constantly saying “don’t look at it” we’re going to wind up with even more destructive speculation than just allowing the facts to exist. So far there’s already a lot of “Wait what happened?” responses from people unaware of the situation which is going to lead to a lot of word of mouth info spreading and we all know how well that goes (I mean just look at Narrative Telephone).
So I feel like we have a narrow line to walk with the whole thing. To ignore it once it’s out there is frankly naive, however we CAN and SHOULD do our best to be supportive and RESPECTFUL fans. And let’s remember we are FANS, not friends or family and that means we MUST remain at a distance!
So how do we remain respectful and supportive in this very complex situation?
• Just don’t bother talking about the ex.
- It’s not constructive. At best you’re giving them publicity, at worst you’re unintentionally hurting victims of intimate partner abuse who may be dealing with a history of gaslighting. Talking shit is honestly just not helpful right now.
• Focus on showing support for the person being victimized
- The easy thing to do is to focus on those feelings of anger at the abuser, but the MOST HELPFUL thing to do is to try and focus on your feelings of love for the person they have hurt instead.
Look at it this way: If you come across a victim of a violent mugging, someone who is clearly hurt and needs help, but see the mugger running off down the street, what’s the better choice: Get mad and chase down the mugger or stop and help the injured person?
Obviously, you stop and you help and you make sure the person who is hurting is okay and help them feel safe. And that’s what we should be doing now.
• Support but don’t intrude
Like I said earlier, we don’t actually KNOW Ashley Johnson. We’re fans of her and her work. But that doesn’t give us any kind of right to intrude into her life even if it’s to wish her well. So how do we support her respectfully?
- You can post about your love of her work and how you think she’s a cool person but without mentioning this whole thing. Give love without bringing in reminders of the bad. If she wants to talk about the bad, she will do that with the people of her choosing, but it’s not going to be us and we should be cool with that.
- A lovely idea that’s floating around is to donate to the Critical Role Foundation of which she’s president and clearly cares a lot about.
- You should NOT try to send her messages or letters that in any way reference this situation.
- You should NOT post any kind of speculation about what’s going on in her head or what she’s up to or dealing with.
- If you do happen to read an article about the situation, don’t comment on it or try and get into it with the author. Trolls are trolls even when they’re professional trolls and the best course of action is to simply ignore them and move on.
Basically, be kind, be positive and don’t start spouting off in anger about other people’s business. Even if Ashley doesn’t see what you say, other people in similar situations might and it can be really hurtful to them.
I get it, we all feel protective, but the best kind of protection we can all give right now is to simply aim kindness and love in the right direction and respect Ashley’s privacy and wishes. So let’s do that.
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