wadda hell

all my alters become walters when i pitch the baseball of success

like at least 50% of internet lgbt discourse would evaporate if people quit using the term "spaces" when they mean "discord servers" or "tumblr blogs" because we would collectively realize how stupid that shit is

“this is a lesbian-only space” no this is the tiktok comments on a chappell roan video

(english butler voice) Will you be making an attempt on your life this evening, sir?

Use my nothing code for 0% off

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.

You know that thing would eat you if you died, right? *pointing to the false image of you that others perceive*

albert is an arabic name meaning The Bert

im dodging tornado attacks like its nothing

Have you tried going to a tornado shelter?

the tornadoes should be taking shelter from me

No longer allowed to help my dad in the garden because i picked up the shovel and he saw “a gleeful and cruel darkness in my eyes”